That damned Rabble

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, HCR.

The ironic thing here is that I agree, although for the complete opposite reason as Mallard. I'd like a mass of Democratic Senators to be ousted and replaced with someone who has the guts to fight for something and to solve problems for People, rather than protecting Corporate profits.

That said, since Corporations now own our elections, Congress need not worry about the "rabble."

Those damned Cars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cars, BMW.

This is an inoffensive but perfect example of everything that is wrong with Mallard Fillmore.

There is nothing to this comic, nothing at all, without the implicit assumption that every reader shares 100% of Mallard's parochial world view, in this case some sort of complaint about the styling of cars.

Absent that lock-step mindset, this is just head-slappingly baffling.

Those damned Books

What's Mallard raving about today?

Al Gore, Cold Weather.

"See, it's freezing cold right now, so the Earth can't possibly be growing warmer. Plus, it's dark outside right now, so the Earth is in constant darkness., the fire helps with that also"

By the way, Mallard, NASA says you're full of shit.

Those damned Vampires

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twilight, Men, Women.

Two whole days to complain about other people's choice in reading material which really only serves to illustrate that Mallard missed the Anne Rice phenomena, if he thinks this started with Twilight.

By the way, Mallard hates it when other people lecture people about their values.

That damned Manuscript

What's Mallard raving about today?

Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre, Twilight.

Great, now I know Mallard's opinion of Twilight. Like I needed that information in my head.

That damned Debate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vice President Biden, Senator Reid, Racism.

Two days running on Senator Reid's rather truthful statement, in mallard's continuing attempting to redefine discussing race as Racism.

Anyone wanta to bet that Mallard doesn't devote one day to this quote, from South Carolina Republican Andre Bauer:

"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed...You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better."

Those damned Circles

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Reid, President Carter, Race.

Uncomfortable and impolitic as Senator Reid's words were, does anyone really want to argue that they aren't true, for better or worse?

The same is true for what President Carter said, which, to be precise (unlike Mallard who is deliberately misrepresenting the statement) was this: "I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man, that he's African-American."

Which means that Mallard does not want to hang out in circles with people who say things that are true, which is entirely believable.

That damned Shock

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stuff that could kill you.

Mallard wins the bet on how many times he could cram the phrase "kill you" into a single strip.

Honestly, has Mallard given up all pretense to making sense?

That damned Planet

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, The Planet.

Psssst. Do you think Mallard understands that it is January 22, and Valentine's Day is still 3 weeks away?

That damned Cheeseball

What's Mallard raving about today?

Valentine's Day

It's never to early to start complaining about showing affection to the person you love.

Mrs. Mallard is a lucky, lucky woman.

That damned Mindset

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorism, Dogs.

"Plus, he's over 6 feet at the withers, weighs upwards of 2,000lbs, requires half a bag of dog food a day to keep fed, and (trust me) you do not want to see what going on in the spot where he does his business. On a totally unrelated note, airport security is getting annoying and obtrusive."

That damned courtesy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Air Travel.

Mind you, Mallard is a big fan of profiling...as long as it only affects people who look like terrorists.

And racism is dead.

That damned Pat Down

What's Mallard raving about today?

Airport Security.

Mallard, gratefully, does not participate in the Right Wing Surrender Monkeys' Terrorism freak-out of 2010.

And yet, he still finds a way to up the ante on the ick factor.

Well, played.

That damned...What Now?

What's Mallard raving about today?

Foreign Policy, President Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Robyn Okrant.

Now, I'd defy Mallard to back that statement up with some sort of example, but of course, Mallard is all about McCarthy-esque accusation with no proof or substantiation.

Mind you, if Mallard had his way, our Vice President would be someone so ignorant that they never heard of the Foreign Policy doctrine created by President Bush.

Those damned Lists

What's Mallard raving about today?

2010, President Obama, The New York Times, Scientists.

My prediction...Mallad will continue to griping about the same made up stuff he's been flogging since 1994.

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Larry, Jokes, Email.

Mallard is threatening to kill his co-workers. Yep. Sounds about right.

That damned check

What's Mallard raving about today?

Email, President Obama.

In attempting a clever little segue, mallard commits two unfortunate errors.

First, taxes are actually lower since the stimulus bill (please check your facts).

And anyone who sat silently while Bush and the Republicans spent us into a ditch has automatically disqualified themselves from ever being taken seriously on the subject ever again and should not be chiding anyone about runaway Federal spending.

That damned Joke

What's Mallard raving about today?

Larry, Jokes, Email.

"...Instead of forwarding it myself, I simply posted the text as a comment on this Blog I read."

That damned Search

What's Mallard raving about today?

Timothy McVeigh, Terrorism.

Eric Rudolph, Scott Roeder, Michael Griffin, Paul Jennings Hill, James Kopp.

Apparently Mallard has a different definition of "months" than I do.

Those damned Men

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims.

A terrorist walks into a Church and kills a man in cold blood in the name of his religion...Christianity.

A terrorist boards a flight with explosives in his underpants, and attempts to set them off, luckily without success, in the name of his religion...Islam. (Sorry for the previous typo!)

In one case, Mallard defended the religious fanatics who goaded the terrorist into action.

In one case Mallard impugns an entire religion for the actions of a terrorist.

Guess which is which?

Those damned pants

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Pants.

Racism is dead, I know this because Mallard Fillmore told me so. Otherwise, I might think the rather gratuitous inclusion of the underpants bomber's name was a ham-handed attempt to gin up anger toward Foreigners with strange-sounding names.

That said, in this case, Mallard's comical over-reaction to the event pales in comparison to the actual Right Freak-Out which might best be summarized as: "Surrender monkeys demand America cower in terror at terrorist underpants plot."

Those damned predictions

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama, Television.

2010 Predictions of my own:

1. Mallard will beat to death his complaints about the Media beating stories to death, as well as a number of other topics.
   
2. Mallard will baselessly suggest that every misfortune which befalls the President is blamed on Racism.
   
3. Mallard will devote 50% of his strips to things he saw Television, and 10% of his strips to complaining about the fact that people watch too much television.
   

That damned League

What's Mallard raving about today?

The N.F.L.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and there is literally nothing that I am not upset about.

Damn it all! Do not offer me free ice cream ever again!

That damned Emission

What's Mallard raving about today?

Al Gore, Climate Change.

OK. I get the hint that it's time to start collecting nominees for the 2009 Golden Ellipses.

You didn't have to go to such trouble creating a 2010 nominee for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Seriously, 10 points if anyone can identify a known grammatical structure in Mallard's writing.

That damned Neanderthal

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media, President Obama.

For a guy who never watches anything but Fox, this is a deeply dishonest thing to say.

With a guy who never watches anything but Fox, deeply dishonest is all you can expect.

That damned Bribe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Reid.

Remember how Mallard raved against Republicans for running the debt up in record fashion?

Yeah, me neither.

That damned Quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

Al Gore, Climate Change.

Mallard's Right-Wing Calculus:

• Outrageous, damnable behavior which calls into question the very position of the person who made the claim (but is in no way just an empty-headed ad hominem attack): Former Vice President Gore makes a statement which is, at worst a fairly honest mistake. And even if it were an outright lie, does nothing to alter the mass of scientific evidence that climate change is man-made.
• Fearless truth-telling: Sarah Palin manufactures the Lie of the Year, which is demagogued relentlessly by Republicans and their propaganda network, in a crass effort to manufacture outrage and anger and rile people up to protest against their own self-interest.

Mallard is auditioning for the permanent role of Useful Village Idiot, and doing a pretty good job at it.

That damned Nationalization

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

This drumbeat against "nationalization" suggests one of two possibilities.

Mallard may believe we should not have bailed out the companies we did. On can certainly argue that point, however, given that he was pretty well silent about this when the Bush Administration gave $700b to banks, it can't possibly be that.

Which means that Mallard must believe we should give the money away with no strings attached and nothing in exchange for the money. Making Mallard the largest idiot on the planet.

Not that this is news, of course.

Those damned Predictions

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Grammar.

If there's one thing pretty much everyone agrees on, it's that America is being poorly served by our atrocious "News" Media.

If there's one thing pretty much everyone should agree on, it would be that Mallard is not one to lecture people on their use of the English language.

That damned tip

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stocks, 2008.

"Father Time 2008" and his stock tips...also known as Jim Cramer.

That damned New Year

What's Mallard raving about today?

2010

Yeah, it's a mess. Here's hoping 2010 is way better than 2009. It could hardly be worse.