What's Mallard raving about today?
Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Grad Students
You know how Mallard bleats about Higher Education and speech codes which he sees as a threat to Right Wing speech?
Well, forget that for a moment, because T-shirts worn by college students is a dire threat to America and must be stopped!
Project Wonderful Banner
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day
What's Mallard raving about today?
Memorial Day
If you really cared, Mallard, you'd have been an actual detractor of the war in Iraq and demanded more from the war in Afghanistan.
As it is, you have no stead to wrap yourself in the flag.
Memorial Day
If you really cared, Mallard, you'd have been an actual detractor of the war in Iraq and demanded more from the war in Afghanistan.
As it is, you have no stead to wrap yourself in the flag.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Memorial Day
What's Mallard raving about today?
Memorial Day
"So on this day of silent remembrance and solemn prayer I ask all Americans, wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever you're doing, to pause in national unity at 3:00 this afternoon. I ask you to ring a bell, or offer a prayer, say a silent 'thank you.' And commit to give something back to this nation -- something lasting -- in their memory; to affirm in our own lives and advance around the world those enduring ideals of justice, equality, and opportunity for which they and so many generations of Americans have given that last full measure of devotion."
- A Socialist Muslim Usurper at Arlington National Cemetery
Memorial Day
"So on this day of silent remembrance and solemn prayer I ask all Americans, wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever you're doing, to pause in national unity at 3:00 this afternoon. I ask you to ring a bell, or offer a prayer, say a silent 'thank you.' And commit to give something back to this nation -- something lasting -- in their memory; to affirm in our own lives and advance around the world those enduring ideals of justice, equality, and opportunity for which they and so many generations of Americans have given that last full measure of devotion."
- A Socialist Muslim Usurper at Arlington National Cemetery
Saturday, May 28, 2011
That damned Infringement
What's Mallard raving about today?
Readers.
If Mallard can be believed (a big "if") people are reading Mallard Fillmore.
So, yes...people are getting stupider.
Readers.
If Mallard can be believed (a big "if") people are reading Mallard Fillmore.
So, yes...people are getting stupider.
Friday, May 27, 2011
That damned Sign
What's Mallard raving about today?
Emailers, Signs
Mallard Fillmore is shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that everyone does not share his precise world view.
I mean, how can that be true since his views are exactly what Fox says they should be?
Emailers, Signs
Mallard Fillmore is shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that everyone does not share his precise world view.
I mean, how can that be true since his views are exactly what Fox says they should be?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
That damned Colonoscopy
What's Mallard raving about today?
Aging, Colonoscopy
That's it? 3 comments on the killing of Osama Bin Laden?
(Bear in mind that this is the same Mallard who has wet his pants at least a dozen times about how we need to profile all Muslims in line to board an airplane.)
And now you're talking about shoving a camera up your cloaca?
Aging, Colonoscopy
That's it? 3 comments on the killing of Osama Bin Laden?
(Bear in mind that this is the same Mallard who has wet his pants at least a dozen times about how we need to profile all Muslims in line to board an airplane.)
And now you're talking about shoving a camera up your cloaca?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The damned Credit
What's Mallard raving about today?
Navy Seals (or Eagles?), President Obama.
Now that's more like it, we're back into total Right Wing lickspittle territory!
The Navy Seals deserve all the credit they have gotten for a mission well done.
But, I'm sorry Mallard, the Seals didn't make the call to go in. And the person who made the call deserves credit for making that call.
The orgy of blame that would have ensued from the Right Wing had the mission failed (or had it been discovered we passed up the chance entirely), demands and equal and opposite apportionment of credit for the opposite result.
Navy Seals (or Eagles?), President Obama.
Now that's more like it, we're back into total Right Wing lickspittle territory!
The Navy Seals deserve all the credit they have gotten for a mission well done.
But, I'm sorry Mallard, the Seals didn't make the call to go in. And the person who made the call deserves credit for making that call.
The orgy of blame that would have ensued from the Right Wing had the mission failed (or had it been discovered we passed up the chance entirely), demands and equal and opposite apportionment of credit for the opposite result.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
That damned Future
What's Mallard raving about today?
Pakistan
Truthfully, I never really consider the quality of Mallard Fillmore as a comic, because it's so impossible to discern beneath all the mindless hatred and blatant lies on display.
On a day like today, when Mallard Fillmore is saying nothing hateful and nothing which is a blatant lie, I can pause to ponder that question and realize just how objectively dreadful it is.
Pakistan
Truthfully, I never really consider the quality of Mallard Fillmore as a comic, because it's so impossible to discern beneath all the mindless hatred and blatant lies on display.
On a day like today, when Mallard Fillmore is saying nothing hateful and nothing which is a blatant lie, I can pause to ponder that question and realize just how objectively dreadful it is.
Monday, May 23, 2011
That damned Idiom
What's Mallard raving about today?
Royal Wedding, Osama Bin Laden
Points given for an actual attempt at something recognizable as humor.
Royal Wedding, Osama Bin Laden
Points given for an actual attempt at something recognizable as humor.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Those damned Buzz-Killers
What's Mallard raving about today?
Education
For those of you who have forgotten, what the study actually says is this: "...the authors followed more than 2,300 undergraduates at two dozen universities, and concluded that 45 percent 'demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communications during the first two years of college."
Mallard sees no irony in the fact that he lacks the necessary critical thinking and analytical reasoning to actually comprehend the study to which he refers.
And, while lying about the study, Mallard can't even quote the percentage right (36% vs. 45%)....one day after chastising a child for mis-spelling a word in an Email.
Mallard Fillmore: Less intelligent than a 5th grader, with less self-awareness, and delusions of grandeur.
Education
For those of you who have forgotten, what the study actually says is this: "...the authors followed more than 2,300 undergraduates at two dozen universities, and concluded that 45 percent 'demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communications during the first two years of college."
Mallard sees no irony in the fact that he lacks the necessary critical thinking and analytical reasoning to actually comprehend the study to which he refers.
And, while lying about the study, Mallard can't even quote the percentage right (36% vs. 45%)....one day after chastising a child for mis-spelling a word in an Email.
Mallard Fillmore: Less intelligent than a 5th grader, with less self-awareness, and delusions of grandeur.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
That damned Maid
What's Mallard raving about today?
Emails.
Mallard's perfect timing continues...a day after a Right Wing Lap Dog mis-spells "lunch" in the comments here at Duck and Cover, Mallard rails about a high school student mis-spelling a word in an Email to Mallard Fillmore.
So, Anonymous commenter, your idol, Mallard Fillmore thinks you're an idiot.
Emails.
Mallard's perfect timing continues...a day after a Right Wing Lap Dog mis-spells "lunch" in the comments here at Duck and Cover, Mallard rails about a high school student mis-spelling a word in an Email to Mallard Fillmore.
So, Anonymous commenter, your idol, Mallard Fillmore thinks you're an idiot.
Friday, May 20, 2011
That damned Graphics Error
What's Mallard raving about today?
Donal Trump's Hair
All of that is fine, but doesn't explain his lower lip in today's panel. What's the hell is going on with that?
In other news, Newt Gingrich is challenging Trump for the fastest slide into irrelevance.
Donal Trump's Hair
All of that is fine, but doesn't explain his lower lip in today's panel. What's the hell is going on with that?
In other news, Newt Gingrich is challenging Trump for the fastest slide into irrelevance.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
That damned Vacation
What's Mallard raving about today?
Gas Prices
And yet, Republicans do not favor reduction of welfare for Oil Companies nor regulation of the financial industry to prevent speculation artificially driving up prices.
That said, only Elitists travel outside America, so...it's all for the best.
Gas Prices
And yet, Republicans do not favor reduction of welfare for Oil Companies nor regulation of the financial industry to prevent speculation artificially driving up prices.
That said, only Elitists travel outside America, so...it's all for the best.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
That damned Smartphone
What's Mallard raving about today?
Smartphones
Osama Bin Laden is dead...but Mallard has identified our new enemy! It's Steve Jobs and his nefarious iPhone.
That is until Mallard catches up with outrage over the White House inviting Common to a poetry jam. But remember, everyone, racism is dead.
Smartphones
Osama Bin Laden is dead...but Mallard has identified our new enemy! It's Steve Jobs and his nefarious iPhone.
That is until Mallard catches up with outrage over the White House inviting Common to a poetry jam. But remember, everyone, racism is dead.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
That damned Dinosaur
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dinosaurs, Racists
Are there some species of dinosaur not assumed to be extinct of which I am not aware?
This panel sets a record for the most unnecessary words in a single sentence.
Dinosaurs, Racists
Are there some species of dinosaur not assumed to be extinct of which I am not aware?
This panel sets a record for the most unnecessary words in a single sentence.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Those damned Birthers
What's Mallard raving about today?
President Obama, Birthers
First of all, 30% of Republicans still believe President Obama was not born in the U.S. even after he released his Birth Certificate. There was never an real worry that showing proof they were wrong would make the lunatic fringe go away, since this was never a reality-based belief anyway.
Second, I don't think anyone needs to worry about a dearth of crazy Republican conspiracy theorists for the next 18 months. If 100% of Birthers gave up this particular conspiracy, the only remaining question would be: what crazy conspiracy will replace it?
Way to cleave to the Talking Points, though. The whole Birther thing was President Obama's fault...he wanted republicans to look crazy and tricked them into going along with the plan! He's a crafty Nigerian...I mean American.
Unfortunately, you're a couple of weeks late and events have overtaken those Birther talking points.
President Obama, Birthers
First of all, 30% of Republicans still believe President Obama was not born in the U.S. even after he released his Birth Certificate. There was never an real worry that showing proof they were wrong would make the lunatic fringe go away, since this was never a reality-based belief anyway.
Second, I don't think anyone needs to worry about a dearth of crazy Republican conspiracy theorists for the next 18 months. If 100% of Birthers gave up this particular conspiracy, the only remaining question would be: what crazy conspiracy will replace it?
Way to cleave to the Talking Points, though. The whole Birther thing was President Obama's fault...he wanted republicans to look crazy and tricked them into going along with the plan! He's a crafty Nigerian...I mean American.
Unfortunately, you're a couple of weeks late and events have overtaken those Birther talking points.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Those damned Fireflies
What's Mallard raving about today?
CFLs
After setting a seemingly impossibly low water mark yesterday, Mallard follows up strong by making absolutely no sense at all. Unless you share his mindless hatred of CFLs, of course.
CFLs
After setting a seemingly impossibly low water mark yesterday, Mallard follows up strong by making absolutely no sense at all. Unless you share his mindless hatred of CFLs, of course.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
That damned Candidate
What's Mallard raving about today?
Candidates.
This is the kind of cutting edge quality we've come to expect from zombie comics whose main goal is not upsetting the septuagenarians who grew up on it.
Congratulations to Mallard Fillmore on those high aspirations!
Candidates.
DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.Mallard Fillmore copies the DJ 3000, only he thinks he actually made a joke worth making.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?
This is the kind of cutting edge quality we've come to expect from zombie comics whose main goal is not upsetting the septuagenarians who grew up on it.
Congratulations to Mallard Fillmore on those high aspirations!
Friday, May 13, 2011
That damned Prince
What's Mallard raving about today?
Princes, Email scams.
How edgy! Mallard combines the recent Royal Wedding with Email scams from last decade! What's next, a Parkour reference?
At any rate, I suppose this means we're close to finding out from Mallard why President Obama deserves no credit for killing Osama Bin Laden. Place your bets!
Princes, Email scams.
How edgy! Mallard combines the recent Royal Wedding with Email scams from last decade! What's next, a Parkour reference?
At any rate, I suppose this means we're close to finding out from Mallard why President Obama deserves no credit for killing Osama Bin Laden. Place your bets!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
That damned Problem
What's Mallard raving about today?
Obesity, Starvation.
Mallard Fillmore finds the silver lining ins Childhood Obesity.
Obesity, Starvation.
Mallard Fillmore finds the silver lining ins Childhood Obesity.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
That damned Cialis
What's Mallard raving about today?
Television, Pharmaceuticals.
Oh, Mallard! Why do you hate the Free Market?
And why can't you change the channel on your TV, like the rest of us?
Television, Pharmaceuticals.
Oh, Mallard! Why do you hate the Free Market?
And why can't you change the channel on your TV, like the rest of us?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Those damned Doctors
What's Mallard raving about today?
Doctors.
Mallard, the compliment about Dr. Singhal (who doesn't keep patients waiting all day) would probably make more sense if it was not paid from the waiting room.
I know it's asking a lot for you to think of, let alone draw, people in a state of anything other than inactivity (art reflects what we know, after all, both mentally and physically).
Doctors.
Mallard, the compliment about Dr. Singhal (who doesn't keep patients waiting all day) would probably make more sense if it was not paid from the waiting room.
I know it's asking a lot for you to think of, let alone draw, people in a state of anything other than inactivity (art reflects what we know, after all, both mentally and physically).
Monday, May 09, 2011
That damned Chimp
What's Mallard raving about today?
President Bush.
It's totally incomprehensible how anyone could believe that racism fuels opposition to President Obama.
I mean, we've had 44 Presidents in our history and questions about whether they were actually born in America have been asked of each and every one. So, what's your point?
President Bush.
It's totally incomprehensible how anyone could believe that racism fuels opposition to President Obama.
I mean, we've had 44 Presidents in our history and questions about whether they were actually born in America have been asked of each and every one. So, what's your point?
Sunday, May 08, 2011
That damned Funding
What's Mallard raving about today?
Cowboys, Poetry.
Mallard Fillmore wakes up one morning seething about the fact that the Arts gets about $146M in funding from the U.S. Government.
He never wakes up angry that Oil companies, already among the most profitable in human history, get around $4B from the U.S. Government.
No one is, of course, surprised by this. If Mallard were ever to exhibit intellectual honesty, he would no longer be acceptable to the Wingnut Welfare state and lose his only current and potential source of income.
On another note, one can only speculate about the significance of Mallard's choice of Cowboys to make his point.
Cowboys, Poetry.
Mallard Fillmore wakes up one morning seething about the fact that the Arts gets about $146M in funding from the U.S. Government.
He never wakes up angry that Oil companies, already among the most profitable in human history, get around $4B from the U.S. Government.
No one is, of course, surprised by this. If Mallard were ever to exhibit intellectual honesty, he would no longer be acceptable to the Wingnut Welfare state and lose his only current and potential source of income.
On another note, one can only speculate about the significance of Mallard's choice of Cowboys to make his point.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Those damned TVs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Television, Technology.
Average Americans may need a break not a lecture. But that won't stop Mallard from lecturing to all but 4 of us.
Television, Technology.
Average Americans may need a break not a lecture. But that won't stop Mallard from lecturing to all but 4 of us.
Friday, May 06, 2011
That damned Trump
What's Mallard raving about today?
Donald Trump, President Obama.
Nice work, Mallard. In the meantime, Donald Trump is rapidly becoming a punchline while President Obama accomplished the ultimate in substance over style.
Donald Trump, President Obama.
Nice work, Mallard. In the meantime, Donald Trump is rapidly becoming a punchline while President Obama accomplished the ultimate in substance over style.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
That damned Indignation
What's Mallard raving about today?
Foreign Policy
Hypocrisy, thy name is Mallard.
Invade Iraq for no reason? I'll be silent when the President is Republican. Assist Rebels against a dictator notorious for supporting terrorists? Unconscionable when the President is Democratic.
But, hypocrisy aside, please keep up with the Foreign Policy angle, there Mallard. It's a real winner for you.
Foreign Policy
Hypocrisy, thy name is Mallard.
Invade Iraq for no reason? I'll be silent when the President is Republican. Assist Rebels against a dictator notorious for supporting terrorists? Unconscionable when the President is Democratic.
But, hypocrisy aside, please keep up with the Foreign Policy angle, there Mallard. It's a real winner for you.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
That damned Support
What's Mallard raving about today?
President Obama, Air Traffic Controllers.
Ha! Ha! That President Obama, he's such a mess when it comes to combating terrorism!
Huh? He did what, now?
President Obama, Air Traffic Controllers.
Ha! Ha! That President Obama, he's such a mess when it comes to combating terrorism!
Huh? He did what, now?
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
That damned Honk
What's Mallard raving about today?
Air Traffic Controllers
Luckily for everyone, Mallard Fillmore's job is 100% non-essential, given that he's been asleep at it for the last 2 years, at least.
Air Traffic Controllers
Luckily for everyone, Mallard Fillmore's job is 100% non-essential, given that he's been asleep at it for the last 2 years, at least.
Monday, May 02, 2011
That damned Wedding
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Royal Wedding
Like Mallard, I do not share any sense of fascination for the Royal Family or the Royal Wedding.
Unlike Mallard, my lack of fascination is not confused for superiority over those who are fascinated.
Also, Mallard, your TV is just following Free Market principles. Why are you such a Socialist? Why do you hate Capitalism? Why do you hate America?
Mallard Fillmore in 2-3 weeks: Why President Obama does not deserve any credit for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.
The Royal Wedding
Like Mallard, I do not share any sense of fascination for the Royal Family or the Royal Wedding.
Unlike Mallard, my lack of fascination is not confused for superiority over those who are fascinated.
Also, Mallard, your TV is just following Free Market principles. Why are you such a Socialist? Why do you hate Capitalism? Why do you hate America?
Mallard Fillmore in 2-3 weeks: Why President Obama does not deserve any credit for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
That damned Movie
What's Mallard raving about today?
Movies.
Hey, Mallard Fillmore hates these modern movies! Wow, how surprising.
We all know Mallard hasn't enjoyed a movie since Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. Unless, of course, you imagine he was one of the 5 people who saw Atlas Shrugged, Part 1.
But, at least at the Movies, Mallard's crotch is obscured by his feet.
Movies.
Hey, Mallard Fillmore hates these modern movies! Wow, how surprising.
We all know Mallard hasn't enjoyed a movie since Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. Unless, of course, you imagine he was one of the 5 people who saw Atlas Shrugged, Part 1.
But, at least at the Movies, Mallard's crotch is obscured by his feet.
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