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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Golden Ellipses: Worst Metaphor

And the winner is...

Giant Burmese Pythons

The nominees for Worst Metaphor are:
  • The Race Card - Tossing racially charged rhetoric around is just like playing cards!
  • Giant Burmese Pythons - Mexicans, Cubans, and other Latin Americans are Giant Snakes.
  • Marketing Barack - Barack Obama is a breakfast cereal offering Hope 'N Change. John McCain, by contrast, offers voters Fruit 'n Fiber.
  • Photoshop Missle Defense - Comparing SDI to Photoshop fakery seems like a fairly accurate assessment. Which is why I am sure I must have misunderstod Mallard's intent.
  • Chinese Makeover - China's human rights and environmental record is funny...when you compare it to an old lady getting her hair done.
Vote early, vote often!


fuckreagan said...

This is an easier choice than it seems. Nuts and Honey in Marketing Barack, shows an unusual level of self awareness. Photoshop Missile Defense is an accurate metaphor for Reagan's imaginary magic shield. Chinese Makeover is far better than last year's Godwin's Law violation.

Two choices remain and both are quite awful. Giant Burmese Pythons targets a specific group for a clear, though horribly offensive, reason. Race Card is, generally, offensive to minorities, the poor and anyone else who is not a rich White asshole like Tinsley. I vote Race Card!

Verification Word: Erines, when Tinsley, going to a country club wine tasting, pees on a homeless man.

fuckreagan said...

Race Card is, also, based on misnterpreted, out of context quotes with no ellipses.

GeoX said...

I'm going with the Chinese makeover for sheer nonsensicality. I think the Photoshop one is actually kind of funny.

exanonymous said...

I had to vote giant snake. For me, worst metaphor has to show the most unlikely things connecting to conservative talking points with a hint of hypocrisy. So while a lady getting her hair done is absurd, China's human rights have been an issue with everyone.

But it's hysterical to watch a self-labeled "libertarian" whine about borders and people who cross them.

rewinn said...

A problem I have with scoring these is telling "factually wrong and/or hateful" from "bad metaphor".

"Race Cards" for example is wrong on the facts and just generally odious, but technically as an extension of the old "Race Card" it's not bad.

Deer & Python as a metaphor for immigration is both hateful and stupid (?immigrants are crushing our bones and swallowing us? it sounds like SOMEONE's got the delerium tremens!); Hope N Change cereal is a stupid attack on Obama, since it easily allows us to counter with citations to Obama's many specifics; China/Olympic makeover is inoffensive except to the facist government of China. These are understandable metaphors although mostly wrongheaded.

But FakeMissile Defense?

I mean what is that about?

I can tell Tinkley is trying to use the Iranian photoshop as a metaphor for Obama being fake or anti-defense or something ... but what? The whole thing falls apart like a bowl of cooked oatmeal on a wet street grating, which IMO is a much better metaphor.

( Historical note: Reportedly the USSR actually faked photos of an atomic-powered bomber, prompting us to blow $1 Billion on a program to catch up. People who profit from faked propaganda include both its purveyors and the weaponsmakers on both sides.)

GeoX said...

I kinda think you're overthinking the missile defense thing. I'm pretty sure it's just meant to be a goofy, apolitical joke.

Word verification: "trivel." IE, trivial drivel. Tinsley's forte.

Robert said...

Sombrero snake. It's simultaneously offensive to:
a) equal rights advocates
b) all literate humans

12xuser said...

Weren't there any good inappropriate dinosaur metaphors this year?

In the absence of that, I think the depiction of impoverished immigrants as gigantic pythons threatening the US (as Bambi) is the worst.

I actually think Photoshop Missile Defense is kinda funny, and it doesn't seem like an attack on Obama to me. I mean, fake missiles require a fake defense, right? Although Tinsley probably meant it to say that Obama sucks at defense, or something.

Word Verification: inkho
The person who colors Tinsley's strip is an inkho.

Johaely said...

I would vote for The giant python as its a triple whammy:

-That looks either like a deer or a dog. i may be wrong, but i don't believe there could be any deers in might as well be a goat.Also,The python looks like a badly drawn boa constrictor.

-The proportion and perspective are horrible.

-It's racist at its most and least.

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