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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Golden Ellipses: Worst Rhyme Scheme

And the Winner is...

Mallentine from Barack to Hillary!

The nominees for Worst Rhyme Scheme are:
  • BCS Voting - no discernable meter, one line with no rhyme at all, and a sign which breaks the whole thing up
  • Mallentine from Barack to Hillary - The text makes no sense whatever, and the final line is unimaginably bad.
  • Damp Stamp - 33 words to rhyme damp with stamp...and damp is thrown into the text only to enable the rhyme!
  • Bitter Pigeons - Shoot a pigeon? When you have to go this far to create a rhyme, use prose.
  • Speech Codes - At least twice as many words as necessary.
Note: Blogger's Polling widget sucks, it may be later tonight before I get a working poll up.


Kaitlyn said...

I wanted to vote for two. I am surprised I could narrow it down to just two, to tell the truth.

Why does he use so many rhymes when he plainly can't do it? I know there were so many it almost broke your internal sense of rhyme (or would that be sense of rhythm?). I wonder how you pick the good MF "rhymes" from the bad.

Man, rhyme is one WEIRD looking word.

WV - "vilimu" I expect it next year in this category when he runs out of real words to mangle.

fuckreagan said...

Thanks for writing descriptions.

I vote for the stamp thing. It does not scan at all, sounds awful and the rhyme scheme is indeterminate.

Factinista said...

While all of these are bad, rhyming "pigeon" with "religion" just seems like he had to stretch even more than usual.

GeoX said...

Those who have read The Recognitions will perhaps remember:

Fuck a duck and screw a pigeon;
That's the way you'll get religion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the rhyme, although Mallard's use is predictably moronic.

I think I have to go with the "speech codes" here, for sheer ponderous witlessness.

D Johnston said...

Tough choice. I was torn between Mallentine (mostly because you have to mispronounce Obama's name for it to rhyme) and BCS. I ended up going with the latter because the syllables are different in every line, making it completely unreadable. Yeah, speech codes was bad, but at least you could read it.

fuckreagan said...

I would love to hear a video of someone reading these in iambic. It would, certainly, be hilarious, especially, the stamp poem.

Verification word: Dessibia, a form of scansion that is barely comprehensible and readable.

Neo Tuxedo said...

I went with the Mallentine because, as D Johnston points out, "you have to mispronounce Obama's name for it to rhyme".

12xuser said...

I think BCS Voting has got the worst rhyme scheme. Most of the others I can get to work if I try hard enough and slur this word here or double that syllable there, but I can't get it to work for the football one.

Damp Stamp is a close second. It's meter is that of a limerick (if you work at it), but he couldn't be bothered to find a couple of words that rhyme with "check".

Honorable mention goes to Bitter Pigeons for making it look like Mallard is singing "clinging to my region".

rewinn said...

What pushed the Mallantine to the front for me

Is that "sense" is important to poetry;

There's a place and a time
For rhythm and rhyme

But how the heck can a collection of words be called a "poem" if there is no discernible meaning to it however bizarre-y?

RevG said...

dude, attack and Barack? Are you fucking kidding?

NotannonNotcow said...

RevG--that's why I voted Mallentine.

WV: horrig. What Mallard does for the Reichwing.

fuckreagan said...

I just noticed something about Stamp Tramp: I cannot tell if the woman's eyes are closed or open with her pupils rolled up.

Anonymous said...

I noticed something else about Stamp Tramp: Apparently, there's no more room in hell.

Michael said...

Also, apparently Mallard got into some legal trouble on Krypton.

Anonymous said...

Income tax legislation does not work that way! Good night!

Bitter Pigeon does it for me, simply because, at the end, he claims he needs inspiration just to get up to that level of suck. My god. He's like Paula Nancy Milstone Jennings.

wavydavy said...

I think it obvious that Tinsley has given us a new definition of the term "blank verse": the product of a blank mind.

WV: inkesso. What Tinsley drinks when he accidentally mixes his drawing fluids with his espresso.