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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

That damned Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dogs, The Media.

As a lifelong owner and trainer of Border Collies, let me say that any of my dogs could be trained to do a better job at whatever the hell Mallard is supposed to do for a living.

21 comments:

Tog said...

1) Mallard is allergic to dogs. He has instead a neoconservative fish. Which is appropriate, since it is a mindless thing that eats whatever is dropped on it.

...And which is sad, because I know this strip better than its own creator.

2) The last panel would certainly be true if Chet worked for FAUXNews. In such a case, you could even add certain other canine activities, such as butt-sniffing and crotch-licking.

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

You know, a comic strip featuring nothing but a dog furiously barking day after day after day would make absolutely as much sense as Mallard does, and it would have the advantage of being intellectually coherent.

exanonymous said...

So what happened to the dog last year that Mallard adopted with his heavy handed "save a pet, unless you're an evil liberal?"

Seriously, what happened to it? The message is kind of lost if you starved and killed the poor thing with neglect the first month you had it.

Ducky is Right said...

Mallard has PEOPLE SKILLS!! He's GOOD with PEOPLE!! Can't you morons fucking UNDERSTAND THAT?!

Bill the Splut said...

Oh boy, Day Two of the epic Something About Pets story arc!

Bruce, know what makes a great pet? Wild badgers! The only reason you've never heard this is because the LIE-BERAL MEDIA doesn't want you to know! Capture a big one, throw it in a box, shake the box a few times--if you hear a ferocious low growling, you're doing it right! Next, cover yourself in steak sauce and let your new friend out to play!

(I'm kidding. I wouldn't want a badger trying to get the gamy taste of Tinsley out of its mouth)

Neo Tuxedo said...

You know, a comic strip featuring nothing but a dog furiously barking day after day after day would make absolutely as much sense as Mallard does, and it would have the advantage of being intellectually coherent.

"The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis."

dlauthor said...

I know exactly what dog Mallard should get..

Flush, boy! Flush!

One wonders if Tinshley has ever owned a dog that lived past puppyhood.

wavydavy said...

Davey, your border collies could do a better job at whatever the hell it is that Mallard is supposed be doing WITHOUT training.

WV: shist. Even the WV algorithm can't take this.

rewinn said...

"...So what happened to the dog last year that Mallard adopted..."

Interesting question. Do you remember roughly when that strip was? I haven't the strength to endure scrolling through a year of Mallardpoop.

P.S. anyone wanna bet this is a leadup to a Prickly City crossover?

CW in LA said...

Speaking of which, is there a blog for how much Prick City sucks? It's not quite as bad as Mallard, but that's like saying ass cancer isn't as bad as the Ebola Virus

exanonymous said...

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071106&name=Mallard_Fillmore

He must not have followed through. After all the sanctimonious BS towards Chet, he apparently looked at puppies and left them to die because basketball started.

RichterCa said...

I've been reading Mallard every day for almost two years now, and I just have one question:

Who the hell is "Chet"?

Bill the Splut said...

Who the hell is "Chet"?

Chet Baker. Bruce also hates jazz greats. Or, really, anyone who can do anything better than he can. Okay, that means everyone else on the planet.

(I believe Chet's the blond, talentless, and inevitably penis-chinned news anchor at Mallard's job, which is alternately a TV station or newspaper, and who really seems to be more like a Fox announcer)

Bill the Splut said...

Thanks for the link, exanon! Yeah, that's Chet. And, Wow. That strip's obnoxious! I have cats, 2 from shelters and one from a co-worker, but I would never buy from a breeder.

I have friends, one of whom is a dog trainer. They adopted sweet Penny, some exotic breed--King Charles Spaniel, I think--when some crazy rich lady gave her up. She buys expensive breeds--Penny cost $2,800!!--then tires of them, gives them away, and a month or two later buys another. In two years she's gone through $25,000 worth of pedigreed pooches. Jesus Christ, start buying expensive clothes or handbags instead--those aren't living, feeling beings, and I'm sure the Salvation Army would appreciate the donation.

Clueless, rich, and self-absorbed with status would describe her. Sure ya wanna go there, Bruce? That's the upper half of your GOP base!

Tog said...

@RichterCA: There's an old character intro page at King Features which shows both all of what were once recurring characters in MF, and how much better Batshit's artwork used to be. (One thing that hasn't changed over the years is the contempt dribbling from Batshit's lips, as the character descriptions attest.)

Oh, hey, there's the fish! And the mention of the allergies! But why would Mallard want a pet that's "good with kids?" I thought Little Rush was the only boy Mallard brought around to roll on his filthy carpet while he splayed his crotch.

Bill the Splut said...

Umm, Mallard's "character intro page" shows him...being ass-raped by Bill Clinton?
SURE OKAY BRUCE.

CW in LA said...

Keep fucking that duck, Mr. President.

Taquelli said...

Is he attempting a true to god story arc? As in, jokes based on a plot and a potential change to the characters? Someone must have finally told him to do his goddamn job.

Kip W said...

Congressman Veneer is a hypocrite for sending his kids to private school while opposing vouchers. Yes, he's a hypocrite for using his own money, on top of what he pays in taxes, while opposing a giveaway for doctrinal schools. Got it.

rewinn said...

@exon - thanks 4 the link! And I apologize for putting you thru the pain of back MF issues. Go try some restorative xkcd!

exanonymous said...

Eh, it took me two minutes to search through the blog and link from there. It had a tag.

I already read xfcd for enjoyment. Because it's funny! But like the different types of taste, bitterness can be fun to read too, hence MF. Blog is required to offset the taste.