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Sunday, July 25, 2010

That damned Spear

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bears, Cavemen.

Mallard, please give me one concrete example where this actually happened.

Until then, I will assume you are, quite literally, afraid of ravenous bears.


Tog said...

I will take pity on Batshit and fix his strip for him.

1. Label the giant man-eating bear "America's health-care system."

2. Label the spear "health care reform."

3. Change the caveman fighting the bear to Obama. Change the dialog balloon to "Yes we can!"

4. Change the dialog of the bystanders to this:

"That spear is the greatest threat to cavemen I have ever seen! I insist we stop fighting the bear now and go back to the drawing board!"

"He just wants to be the one who decides who will be fed to the bear! I demand proof of where he was born...(.)"

There. Now it's a bit more accurate. You're welcome, Batshit.

Bill the Splut said...

"Solve all your problems with killing." Got it.

DharmaPete said...

Typical Sunday morning in the Tinshley house: Brucie comes to, stumbles down the stairs and grabs the newspapaer. He opens it, and frantically tears it apart looking for his "comic", even though it's on the same page every week. He finds it, lets out a self-satisfied laugh and yells "Suckers!" He then takes a swig or four from the bottle of Old Grandad he stores in the pocket of his robe, vomits, and passes out in said vomit. Good times.

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

I notice Tinsley couldn't even be bothered with the usual "Liberals: The Early Years" label, lending credence to the idea that he just scribbled this out after some traumatic, alcoholic dream about being pursued by cavebears. Sure, it has nothin' to do with nothin,' but this is Tinsley we're talking about. Who'd notice the difference?

dlauthor said...

Looks like someone decided two weeks ago that he could steal Stephen Colbert's meme while he was on vacation (with the usual right-wing lack of understanding that it's a joke, or for that matter what a joke even is).

It's a pity Tinshley's penchant for mimicry didn't assert itself back when Spalding Gray and Hunter Thompson killed themselves.

Word verification: mensphip: Tinshley was sure he was writing "penmanship" on that bar napkin ...

rewinn said...

"Shoot first Think later" worked so well for Cheney!

Ducky is Right said...


Bill the Splut said...

Caveman: "OMG! WTF?! BRB, bear eatn me! L8TR! BTW soccer SUX!"

Brooze should just do a Sunday strip, and mash all his whiny "I don't like things that I don't like!!" daily strips together. It'd save us time reading, and gain him time being a crybaby.

Steve-O said...


whew! I'm glad to get that off my chest.

Steve-O said...

And one more thing. Why does the bear have a blue nose?

Kaitlyn said...

Steve-O - the blue nose is probably the colorist's fault, not Tinz. (Though Bill Watterson said he'd mark down what color he wanted in the Sunday comic... so...)

So the first caveman represents appeasement and being weak - he wants to negotiate with the enemy.

I think.

The only possible joy will be Stephen holding this up going, "See, the bears have invaded our comics and only Mallard Fillmore shows us the gritty truth, unlike that treehugger, Mark Trail."

Kaitlyn said...

Tog - your suggestion doesn't have enough labels - what does the ground represent? What are their clothes?

deepbeep said...

It's funny because crafting government policies is no more complex than fighting a killer cave bear for survival!

deepbeep said...

I improved the comic!

Eno said...

So depicting what I assume is supposed to be whatever opposition America is facing at the moment as a ravenous, monstrous bear... Because we really ought to dehumanize our enemies a lot more, right?

This is pretty much a stock right-wing political comic; have the librulz on one side saying "PEACE AND LOVE AND NEGOTIATIONS" and have the people they are trying to converse with be depicted as some kind of wild animal which, in reality, couldn't be reasoned with. I saw one that was basically the exact same message as this one, with a bunch of sheep saying they should extend a hand of friendship to a pack of wolves on the other side of a river.

Basically, Tinsley isn't even trying anymore. Not that he ever did, but now he can't even be bothered coming up with his own thinly-veiled propoganda.

wavydavy said...

deepbeep --

Sorry, but that could never be a Mallard strip. It's actually funny.

Rootbeer said...

The caveman with the spear probably got into his predicament through sheer naivete and ineptitude -- "killing this bear could take six seconds, six hours. I doubt six hours."

It's unconscionable to demand that other more able, more responsible hunters in the clan must put themselves at risk in order to "bail out" the dumbass.

exanonymous said...

Yes, it's always completely sick and disgusting and stupid when people try to talk things out.

Naive hippie liberals (who are always angry) should instead glower and express sullen anger in comic strip form at everything.

Kaitlyn said...

Eno - if we were the sheep in the scenario, then were the weaker party.

But the chickenhawks have never claimed America is weak - even now, under the bad Muslim appeaser, if the generals just ignored him, they could take care of every problem in the world with bombs.

Because I'd say for the last 100 years (starting with the Spanish-American war), we've been the wolves when it comes to fighting.

Ow, history and logic do not mix well with Mallard Fillmore. Must go lay down for a spell.

Kip W said...

Give Tin some credit! He's realized that he doesn't need to label anything any more, because his intended audience knows that every strip has the same meaning: DUM LIBERALS!!

So why knock himself out? I look forward to further streamlining as he pares away other elements that add nothing to his message, so simple it can be written on a cocktail napkin. (It can also be diagrammed on a napkin, as a curve going downhill ever more rapidly: the Laughter Curve.)