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Monday, July 19, 2010

Those damned Swords

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer.

I think there are many valid reasons why Americans don't connect with soccer as much as the rest of the world. That said, today's Mallard Fillmore has none of that. Instead, it just highlights two facts that are (as always) true:

  • By any objective measure America's interest in soccer is growing rapidly. But Mallard Fillmore can't be bothered with facts when he can make sweeping comments based solely on his own prejudices.
  • Mallard Fillmore is really disturbing. Swords? Seriously? You want gladiatorial fights to come back into vogue?

14 comments:

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...
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Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

What happened is that Tinsley's knee started violently jerking when Glenn Beck started doing his idiotic bit about how we're MURKINS! They can't MAKE us like soccer if we doan WANNA! As a result, we get his lovely fantasies about players being maimed and/or killed! How delightfully whimsical!

(Sorry, kids--saw some typos, and, being the obsessive type I am, repeatedly deleted and retried)

Ducky is Right said...

Ducky left off, "As soon as American teams start winning competitions, so we can project our own success and glory onto them, and be provided with another self-esteem opiate for which to pretend our own meaningless, joyless lives have value."

Apparently, the only good sports are violent ones that don't last longer then Tinshley's limited attention span.

exanonymous said...

Americans appreciate it just fine.
Most kids have played it (we've dubbed the minivan driving generation "soccer moms"). And many people watch it, and bars will show on the television. There are stadiums and teams that officially compete. It's a sport where everyone knows what it is and at least one of the rules (unlike cricket).

The duck is projecting again. Easy to understand though, they're rather single-minded about college basketball in that state.

Tog said...

"...When they let the 'hooligans' onto the field."

Not exactly creepy, nor surprising, but a disturbing self-revelation by Batshit nonetheless.

Exanonymous brings up a good point; for some reason, the very same party of fools that once fell over itself trying to rally "soccer moms" also fell over itself recently pissing on the sport. Big tent! My ass!

(My favorite whinge in the linked article belongs to G. Gordon "Aim For The Head When Shooting Law Officers" Liddy, but Gainor's quote is the most neoconservative, combining as it does attacks on both non-whites and the poor. ...BUT THAT'S NOT RACISM! RACISM'S DEAD!)

That Batshit's joining the pack a full month late just shows how much he's slipping.

Kip W said...

Do you think he'll get to the part about attention spans?

dlauthor said...

FHMC: It's not his knee that Tinshley starts jerking when he watches Glenn Beck.

Also, two years ago the "hockey mom" replaced the "soccer mom" as the prevalent minivan-driving Republican archetype, thanks to the Quittah from Wasilla. And it will remain that way until the whiners on the right-wing feel the need to "refudiate" Canada as much they do brown people and Europeans through the proxy of soccer.

You know what I'd like to see? An arena sport where one side is a couple dozen football hooligans with swords, and the other is Bruce Tinshley and a half-empty bottle of Jack (why separate them now?). Maybe the fastest-ending game in history, but I'd still shell out mucho dinero to Pay-Per-View it.

deepbeep said...

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? With oiled up European hooligans?"

Rootbeer said...

The FIFA World Cup is a soccer tournament held every four years. In 2010, the tournament ran from 11 June to 11 July.

This strip ran in American newspaper(s?) on 19 July.

Toots McGee said...

The syndicate should just go ahead and rename MF "Thass Anudder Thing I Can't Stand!"

rewinn said...

Tag this one BOTH "Tinshley is out of touch with real America" and "Mallard Fillmore three weeks out of date AGAIN".

It's a two-fer!

Frank Stone said...

"When all congressional Republicans vote for universal health care... when Keith Olbermann endorses Sarah Palin for president..."

"Um... 'When will "Mallard Fillmore" be funny?' was a rhetorical question..."

"When George Bush and Dick Cheney are tried for war crimes... when Glenn Beck wins the Nobel Prize for literature... when...."

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

Actually, it's not really out of date--ABC and ESPN are both broadcasting a fair number of both MLS and exhibition games these days. Of course, this just demonstrates that Americans DO, in fact, appreciate soccer, making Bruce even MORE full of shit.