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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

That damned Law

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Dogs.

You know how I know liberals want laws forcing you to get an animal-shelter dog?

Because Democrats are liberals. And with Democrats in control of both the Legislative and Executive branches of Government, they've already passed this law!

See? What Straw Man?


Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...


Wingers, on the other hand, want you to have FREEDOM! Freedom to have your livelihood destroyed by oil companies! Freedom to die in foreign wars for no reason! Freedom to die of treatable diseases so insurance companies can save money. America!

My heart just swells with patriotic pride (unfortunately for me, that's considered a preexisting condition).

Ducky is Right said...

Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Really, people PAY for this to be in their newspaper?

Let's ignore the, "lololo libruls want to control your life*" crap; why would adopting a shelter dog be "liberal"? How many jack and cokes does it take for that to make sense?

*Conservatives want you to be slaves to our corporate masters. It's your Duty to make a Profit, citizen.
Wow, that was easy. Can I have a daily comic strip to? I haven't tried drawing penises for chins, but I'm sure I can learn fast.

exanonymous said...

3 years later and he's only looking at dogs to one-up liberals again. He's not going to get one this time either.

And he's doing it for a totally different reason. Before, liberals wanted fancy breeds because they were liberals, now liberals want to force everyone to adopt from a shelter because they're liberals. Honestly, how to liberals manage to feed themselves without stabbing out their eyes with the knife on accident?

Kip W said...

If he were a conservative, he'd want a government contract mass-adopting shelter animals, then giving them away (poorly stuffed) as 'free' Regnery book-club premiums while claiming them as a charitable tax deduction (and proof that conservatives are more 'charitable').

wv: finger. Mallard's gift to logic and consistency.

Kip W said...

(ps: Today's post got stuck onto Wednesday.)

dlauthor said...

Guess what, Mallard? We know why you want a dog.

It's the same reason you're not allowed to go within 200 yards of Li'l Rush any more.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm Bruce Tinsley, and what I hate about those custom Labradoodles is, although they're cute and buff, when you try to have sex with them, they bite and claw the hell out of you!

That's my sole reason for preferring shelter dogs, who know that it's "sex or starve." And I speak for all conservatves - we're pretty much all like this.

God Bless America!
-- Bruce "Complicated Series of Ligatures and Restraints" Tinsley

rewinn said...

If this is another attack on "forcing people to buy health insurance" all I can say is, for shelter animals, Death Panels are real.

We recently got a house and therefore room for a couple of pets. One stray and two shelter critters later, we're a happy liberal family.

Hey, did anyone notice that, according to his official King Features bio, Mallard has a pet fish because he is allergic to dogs and cats? Are we going to see weeks of a duck snorting decongestants?

rewinn said...

Oh hey, you know what else a liberal does that Mallard Fillmore/Brewsky Tinshley will never do:

Go to Afghanistan and talk with our troops in person

Bill the Splut said...

Remember that we've still got two days to go before he runs out of chances to work Chinese restaurants into this.

WV: halizess; halitosis combined with laziness, see also "Any Given Mallard Strip."

Kaitlyn said...

I wish "liberals" (ha!) could do that, or at least something about puppy mills, like closing them or regulating them and actually following up!

I think everyone should consider a shelter dog, but I'm a hypocrite. A person (not a mill) put an ad in the paper and that's how I got my chow mix. But the next two (Mikey and Wickett) we rescued, because Wickett's owner didn't want him, and Mikey (sweet and cute) was bounced from house to house, not even a year old! (Our one purebred came from a shelter.)

Anyways, this is a common trope. Conservatives think the homeless need help and volunteer at the soup kitchen run by the church (once a year).

But bad liberals want to take your dinners and just give them to the homeless.

Finally, since when does adopting a dog from a shelter mean you're liberal? It means you're willing to take a chance on a dog who was unloved at one point.

Or is this just "liberals love animals, ha ha."

And... who's going to fund these shelters? I'm sure the fees paid for shots and fixing and whatnot help, but they can't be enough.

Tog said...

No, no, you're missing the point.

See, neoconservatives willingly LOVE their fellow man and all the animals in God's creation--but not in a faggy man-on-man-on-horse GAY way, just out of the pure kindness of their pure Christian hearts.

Liberals want to FORCE you to care about your fellow man and all the animals in Godless creation--even though other people are goddamn worthless stupid crap and dumb animals were put here for us to kill (and occasionally use to keep darkies away).

Is that clear enough for you now?