Project Wonderful Banner

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Well, not to a lot of you readers who don't "believe" in the sense that Mallard means it.

Because Mallard's pulling no punches today: Merry Christmas to believers; the rest of you can fuck the hell off.

Oh, and Christians are persecuted in some places in the World, which means Mallard is totally justified in calling for the immediate strip search of anyone who looks Muslim.

Honestly, Mallard. Jesus hates you.


Tog said...

Wow, I really thought Batshit was all done with Christmas after Holier-Than-Thou Sunday. I guess he said to himself, "Is there a way I can recycle Sunday's strip while being even more of a diseased horsecock than ever before?"

Happy Holidays to you all! (Even you, Batshit. I'll never be half the whoreson you are and I'm grateful for it.)

WV: "asessle." Oooooo, SO close!

Randy said...

Shorter Mallard:*
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!"

* May actually be shorter this time.

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

Wow. Christmas is supposed to be like fucking tee-ball for cartoonists, but Tinsley somehow manages to use it to be a bigger asshole than ever. There are just no depths to which he won't sink.

But happy Christmas to everyone else.

Ducky is Right said...

Stay classy, Ducks.

dlauthor said...

I don't think anyone has told Tinshley that a lot of those dirty dirty brown people he hates so much are Christian.

But the only thing he truly believes is that he'll have another drink.

Bill the Splut said...

My first reaction was "And a Merry FUCK YOU, Bruce!" But I'll admit that I was surprised to find that the website is about actual persecution of Christians. I was expecting the usual "Why can't we post the 10 Commandments in every government building in America, waaah, I am so oppressed!"

Of course, the Christians in question are being persecuted in countries where they are a minority religion. People like Bruce loudly call for persecution of Muslims in this country. I'm sure the irony is lost on him.

ajm said...

And why do I suspect that if Tinsley DID live in a place where Christians were an oppressed minority and the authorities DID toss him in a camp, he'd become a capo in a heartbeat?

rewinn said...

Message of today's "comic": The most important thing to do on Christmas is to feel bad.

Actually, the most important thing to do on any day, according to Mallard Fillmore, is to feel bad.

That said, it's nice to see a reference to religious freedom. It may be important to remind people that the imported cr@p our children play with tends to be made in countries that prevent free expression of religion or much of anything else.

It would be less dickish of Mallard to come out in favor of religious freedom for everyone, instead of merely himself. But perhaps he lacks confidence that his particular brand of Christianity could survive in a free market of ideas.

P.S. Once again, a badly drawn "comic". Someone should tell King Features that a comic strip focus on the visual presentation of information, not walls of text. Give Brewsky Tinshley an opinion column if he wants to write articles, although the evidence of his twitter feed suggests it would be a short-lived column indeed.

exanonymous said...

Merry Christmas whether you be believer, non-believer, persecuted, or free, bitter, or merry!

MartyRotten said...

Only Tinsley could take such a beautiful biblical quote and use it to justify his own pettiness.

Kip W said...

As long as even one Christian is being persecuted somewhere, Tin gets to pretend he's a brave little underdog instead of the bullying martyrbator he is. Merry Christmas, to all the right sorts, of course.

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

If Tinsley actually cared about human rights, he coulda done something REALLY radical and given a link to the ACLU. But of course, caring about everyone's rights is a dangerously liberal thing to do, so that was right now. What a waste of carbon he is.

Tinsley: Sociopath said...

This is it, the end of the list of Tinsley's plans:

7. Why the Holocaust never happened; why everyone who suffered in the Holocaust deserved it.
8. Why slavery never happened; why everyone who suffered in the Holocaust deserved it.
9. Mallard Fillmore being proud to work uninterrupted, and declaring anyone who has been laid off to be evil.
10. How everyone who is not a Premillenial Dispensationalist will be tortured in Hell.
11. Why no book is good, and all books are the tools of the Devil.
12. Why the Bible, and Atlas Shrugged are great books that must be studied by all.
13. Why radios, which he believes to be the height of technology, are killing society.
14. Why no one should question anything the government does, or be a Communist; why we must destroy the government because it creates nothing but evil.

Word Verification: Consts, an abbreviation of constants. Lovecraftian horrors, and the epitome of retardation are consts in Mallard Fillmore.

Frank Stone said...

I'd be very interested to know what Brucie is planning to do to help those Christians being persecuted for their beliefs -- that is, those who are ACTUALLY being persecuted, not simply being told "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas".

Perhaps he could write a check.