What's Mallard raving about today?
Hear that, 'Murica? Mallard gives you permission to celebrate "the holidays."War on Christmas? YOU, Batshit?
Yeah, obviously, those people who crack cause way more fatalities than, oh, just picking something holiday-related at random, holiday drunk driving. Isn't that right, Tinshley?
It's such a hardship when somebody tries to talk about their own family for the duration of a page. It's like at a party when they don't seem to want to listen to you talk about yourself and all your misanthropic little dislikes. Hey, asshole! Just do what you do with news analyses from an opposing viewpoint and just don't read it!
What a small, small person he is.
Tinshley's just jealous of people with actual interesting lives because each year he realizes his own family Christmas letter would amount to: "In January, I drank myself into a stupor, watched daytime TV, scribbled a duck's crotch on some old pizza boxes, and ignored my wife and kids. In February ..."Whereas his friends, who don't spend all their income on cases of Jim Beam, go to places with faggy names like "Seychelles."
Oops, mistake: I stated Tinshley has friends. I meant "people who ignore him at the DMV when he begs for his license back."
Sheesh, who would bother to write to Mallard? Such a bitter old fool isn't worth the price of a stamp.I, on the other hand, don't mind reading them. They don't put me in an uncontrollable rage even though I'm supposedly one of those violent leftists. It's a page, maybe two, and takes up possibly a minute of my time.But then again, I don't move my lips and need my finger to read.
Isn't the point of those letters to inform people who live hundreds of miles away from the sender what they've been up to, you know, because they never see those people? Even if somebody "snapped," they'd still have to buy a plane ticket, and maybe take a moment to consider not murdering for a really, really dumb reason. Even if you were angry and bitter at everything, you'd see the flaw in this "joke."
Someday, it'd be nice to see a Mallard strip in which he speaks of something that makes him happy, and it doesn't involve the death of people he hates.WV: cheri, what Bruce calls his only friend, cherry brandy
I don't think Mallard *can* write about something that makes him happy.The whole point of modern "conservativism" is that they are ANGRY! They feel BAD, and being calm and thinking about how come would just spoil the mood.That must be what is so enraging about reading a cheerful holiday letter - insufficient rage. That must really tick some people off.Although, to follow up on Tarquelli's point, maybe some reichwing TV program could offer plane tickets to "victims" of holiday letters! A camera crew can follow Mallard and his ilk as they flies to Happyville and wreak violent revenge on high school friends who callously sought to keep their friendship alive. It'll be a big hit!
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