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Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Golden Ellipses: Worst Rhyme Scheme

And the winner is...

Bill Loves Hillary

In the category of "Worst Rhyme Scheme" we have the following nominees:

10 comments:

factinista said...

"Bill Loves Hillary," definitely. You can't even TELL there's a rhyme scheme unless you look very closely.

Michael said...

"Bill Loves Hillary" is really a poem? Good god.

Gold-Digging Nanny State said...

Huh. It doesn't seem to have taken my vote for Moms are Great.

Yeah, Bambi/candy is only an approximate rhyme, but so is endures/yours, and I think getting the vowels wrong is, if anything, more jarring. Far, far worse, though, is the purposeless shift from one infantile rhythm scheme to another halfway through.

Dada dadada
dada dada
dada dadada
dada dada

dadada dadada
dadada dada
dadada dadada dada
dadada dada
dadada dada
dadada dadada dada

(It scans more poorly than this, of course, but you can see the difference.)

All so he could make some crass Anna Nicole joke on Mother's Day. Throw in misuse of "datum" for good measure. Not to mention the implication that his readers may be of questionable parentage. And the implication that all moms really deserve on this Hallmark holiday is a cutout newsprint "card" depicting a grimacing duck and a mother with a bigheaded changeling imp-thing.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Gold-Digging Nanny State, your vote may not appear right away. (My didn't on the last poll, but appeared shortly thereafter.)

They're all awful, but I don't think "Indecisive Hillary" is actually intended as rhyme. (Could be wrong. As everyone's already pointed out, here and in past posts, it's just the luck of the draw for any individual to be able to tell with this horse-hockey.)

"Cow Farts," "The UN and Rosie O'Donnell," and "Moms Are Great" are all worthy candidates for their awful quality plus Tinny's trademark snide viciousness (hat tip to Gold-Digging Nanny State for that nice tear-down of "Moms"), but I think I'm going to have to vote for "Bill Loves Hillary" (even if doing so might set the cause of feminism back thirty years, snark snark).

Kaitlyn said...

Are we voting for the worst one all around or just the worst rhyme scheme?

Because they all suck, but I've gotta go with the mom thing. Because it can offend *everyone*!

Plus, what I know about good rhyme schemes could fit in a bucket from Nantucket.

A choice I would love -
all of the above!

5 syllables each and it sucks.

TuxedoSlack said...

I voted for "Moms Are Great" because it barely even has a rhyme scheme.

TuxedoSlack said...

...and my vote shows up on the page for this entry, but not on the main page. Weird.

luke said...

"Moms are Great" is like a Shakespearean sonnet compared to "Bill Loves Hillary."

Anna said...

Cow Farts was bad, but Bill Loves Hill takes the cake. Oh, and since I'm sort of new to this whole thing - does Mallard always have semen on his beak? As he does in the Moms are Great "poem"?

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Oh, and since I'm sort of new to this whole thing - does Mallard always have semen on his beak? As he does in the Moms are Great "poem"?

(1) Welcome!
(2) EWWWWWW. Now I'll never get that out of my skull, not even with a hammer. Thanks a LOT.
(3) It's mostly a colorist for Sunday strips putting more effort into the strip than Tinsley himself, but yes, in the Sunday splash panel (featuring a classic smug-smirking Mallard), that bit of nasty is always present.