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Monday, February 11, 2008

That damned Kennedy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton.

For those of you new to Mallard Fillmore or those who have allowed "Mallentines" to drift from memory, today is a case study in Mallantinery: a statement of no particular insight, import, or wit, set to an irregular rythym and sophomoric rhyme scheme, apocryphally attributed to a person in straw man fashion.

Beyond that I must admit I am unsettled by the use of the word cloying. In my lifetime I have heard many accusations hurled at Senator Clinton. The idea that she is cloying has never been among them.


exanonymous said...


I change my mind. Tinsley luvs Hillary!

There's this thing where if you make a big point about someone not liking someone else, you should probably make the person who's doing the not-liking a little more likable himself. Therefore, Kennedy's buckteeth equals Hillary-love.

Otherwise, it's just a pointless "people I loathe don't like other people" cartoon.

I know, par for course.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

That's right, Tinny, cram that text against the border at the end. Who cares if it makes you look like a complete 'tard? Why put in the effort?

I know it must outrage you to be unable to draw Teddy running about in his heart-covered underwear, lest it confuse the, uh, message. (And even you don't have the chutzpah to do any more drunk-driving gags, poor baby.)

...Guys, do I even have to point out that Teddy doesn't represent the entire Kennedy family, as incorrectly suggested by this complete knob?

confused said...

Give Tinny a break, someone bought him a Thesaurus for Christmas. It will take a while to figure out how to actually use it.

12xuser said...

Hey, props to Mallard for writing a limerick that actually scans, if you work it a few times. But cloying? Oprah is cloying. MisteRogers is cloying. I imagine that Tinsley can be cloying when drunk. But Hillary? Nope. Sleazy, opportunistic, cold-blooded, slippery, duplicitous, insincere, maybe. Never cloying.

dlauthor said...

Where did the caricature of Ted Kennedy as having enormous buckteeth come from, anyway? He's my Senator, so I see a fair number of pictures of him in the paper and such, and his teeth look perfectly normal. Is this another bizarre Tinshleyism, like closed eyes and enormo-chins and making Hillary look like the love-child of Condi Rice and the Where's the Beef lady?

Anonymous said...

Apparently buck teeth are the cartoon method of showing someone's evil. Personally I like a pair of devil's horns better, but what do I know, I'm not a duck.

rewinn said...

Ducks don't have teeth or chins, but they are eaten by creatures with teeth and chins, therefore teeth and chins are signs of the devil.

Really, this is a very educational strip. Not as good as Mark Trail, though.

12xuser said...

Buck teeth = stupid, silly, dumb.

At least that was the deal when I had buck teeth in grade school, a thousand years ago.

factinista said...

Mallard is imprisoned in an enormous glass heart. Hopefully he will remain there and we'll never have to put up with his idiocy again.

Noticing the odd lumps all over Ted Kennedy's face that almost make it look like it's boiling raises the question: did the senior Senator from Massachusetts open the Ark of the Covenant?

Michael said...

Mallard is trapped in a Superman-style prison! Thank you, planet Krypton, for seeing that justice is served.

Mallard's caricatures are getting worse by the day. He was never good, but at least he used to put some effort into it. Now he just adds buck teeth and a huge chin and, voila, a political caricature!

It reminds me of how I used to draw as a kid. Last week I came across and old pro wrestling magazine that a friend and I defaced out of boredom when we were about 12. Most of the art consisted of the following elements:
- huge buck teeth
- crossed eyes
- adding boobs
- adding dicks
- dicks in mouths
- quotes such as, "I like dick!"
- devil horns + goatee
- arrow through head

Now, this Ted Kennedy looks like something right out of that magazine. I'm not ashamed of what I did because I was in 6th grade. But this guy is a professional artist. And I'll also say that some of my defacings of Ric Flair were way better than Tinny's depictions of Hillary. And his made-up strawman quotes are usually less intelligent than when the Four Horsemen said, "We all like dick!"

John said...

"You will bow down before me, Ted Kennedy! And if not you, your heirs!" as his prison floats away with a gentle "ncxjvj" echoing through the stratosphere.