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Friday, February 15, 2008

Those damned Conservatives

What's Mallard raving about today?

The G.O.P.

Mallard proves two truisms regarding the modern Republican:
  1. The Conservative movement is never wrong; it is only failed by leaders who aren't Conservative enough.
  2. Conservative leaders are always right, until they are no longer useful at which point they have always been wrong.


exanonymous said...

He makes it sound like being conservative is all the rage this year.

They ran under GOP, they flourished under GOP, they ARE GOP whether you like it or not, Mallard. They're also humans, and aside from the inherent reptilian nature of being a politician, they will in fact come to conservative conclusions that are in fact, different from yours.

Hey, you know so much, why don't you run, Tinsley?

factinista said...

Hey, you know so much, why don't you run, Tinsley?

But complaining is so much easier. Just look at Rush Limbaugh.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Kinda stuck with McCain, ain'tcha Tin-Tin?

It must be tough, because you know damn well McCain--while he is indeed a position-switching flip-flopper*, and a Cheney-grade scumbag on a personal level--has been more of a true conservative than most of the other candidates (not to mention ANY major player in the current administration).

You're no conservative yourself, Tinny. By your own words, you're the worst sort of Libertarian (the "me first, me second, me last--screw everyone else" sort) who grovels at the feet of the neoconservatives because of what you think's in it for YOU.

A true conservative is like Jesus to you--you wouldn't know him if you met him in person. And you'd be delighted to be in the crowd calling for his death.

Every time you gas on about supporting the troops, or do your little Memorial Day/Veterans' Day spiels, I just kick back and remember how you've treated John Kerry--and how you'll treat John McCain.

* Mike Huckabee's the only "consistent" contender on your side, and he's a lunatic fundy who wants to rewrite the parts of the Constitution that Bush hasn't already used for toilet paper. How's that working out for your conservative beliefs, Tin-Tin?

Anonymous said...

Umm.... shouldn't someone tell him Valentine's Day was yesterday?

Also, how come there's no picture of some guy with a huge chin or Senator Clinton as the Wicked Witch of the West?

Matt Ramone said...

I can't believe no one's asked this yet:

Aren't poems only supposed to be for sissy little leftists sipping chai tea in the ivory tower of their elitist liberal arts university?

dlauthor said...


Not if they're all greeting-cardy. That's Heartland America, baby. Watery beer, schmaltzy sentiment, and dittohead cartoon waterfowl.

Michael said...

Shouldn't that be "...though whom that might be isn't clear"?

Example: For whom is Mallard winding up his pimp slap?

And check out the end of the elephant trunk - I think we finally have a companion for Chet's chin. Happy Valentine's Day indeed!