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Thursday, November 25, 2010

That damned Thanks

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving.

Mallard Fillmore was so wrapped up in his fake pity party that he forgot Veteran's Day, and so he begs our forgiveness many days later.

Not granted, ass hat.


Ducky is Right said...

"I was so worked up by my fake story that was poorly executed anyways, that I forgot to pander my shtick."

God, he can't even crawl out of his own ass when he's apologizing. What a douche.

Factinista said...

So here we have Tinsley's sorry excuse for forgetting Veteran's Day, because whining about Juan Williams was just too important to put off for one day. This is followed by an utterly bizarre attempt to link his own laziness with Thanksgiving.

The result is the first "Mallard Fillmore" which is legitimately, albeit unintentionally, funny.

Tog said...

Batshit: "I have a really good excuse this time! I was fired!! ...I mean, Mallard was fired!! So thanks for your service, Merry Christmas, blah blah blah. Nyoro~!!"

WV: "appin." What Batshit has for ahhead.

dlauthor said...

And so, on Nov. 11, Tinshley looked up from his stupor and realized why the bar was empty except for him. "Oh no," he slurred, "ish all happnin again ..."

exanonymous said...

I read that, and meh. He can't even come up with a decent Thanksgiving cartoon, and it's not hard. Did he ever think that maybe being heavily involved in the conservative rant-of-the-day might cost him something, like the ability to recognize holidays and the sentiment that should be expressed on them?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Larry said...

Didn't he also forget it a year or two ago, with the subsequent apology? Wow, the sacrifices of our veterans must be really important to you, Bruce, if you can't be arsed to write it on a calendar. What a cretin.

Word verification: Coftsi. Wasn't he the guy behind all the Swift Boat attacks on John Kerry?

Steve-O said...

At the risk of sounding jaded, how exactly are the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq "guarding our freedom"? This has always bugged me. I'm pretty sure our freedoms will be intact no matter what happens in those countries. I'm thinking the last time our freedoms were in danger was during WWII.

Our freedoms are in MUCH more danger, in my opinion, from assclowns like Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.

Commie Pinko - obviously said...

>At the risk of sounding jaded, how exactly are the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq "guarding our freedom"?

They aren't.

Since (arguably) WWII, ACLU lawyers have done more to guard our freedoms than has the US military.

Kip W said...

"Whoops, I forgot to tell a smarmy mush-mouthed lip service!"

Bill the Splut said...

Huh! Funny how he remembers 2 weeks to the day after Veterans Day. Almost as if he heard Limbaugh mention it or something.

"It serves 125, takes eight hours to cook and is stuffed with 12 different birds...
"...He stuffed an 18lb turkey with a goose, duck, mallard, guinea fowl, chicken, pheasant, partridge, pigeon and woodcock..."

Sorry if I spoiled your appetite.

WV: henis; a woodcock, maybe?

Erich said...

Deja vu:

WV: "distest." (1) "Distest is too hard! It's all public education's fault!" (2) "I distest you and everything you stand for." (3) "Tinsley, not only have you been dissed, you're the dissedest."

Tinsley: Sociopath said...

Things for which Tinsley is thankful:

1. Being a rich white Premillenial Dispensationalist Objectivist, or as he calls it, good.
2. Living in a gated community where no one who does not fit that description can bother him.
3. His children being unable to persuade to buy electrical devices.
5. Rarely being attacked after spitting on bums.
6. Veterans who lose everything after they come home limbless, and find no jobs, so he can laugh at them.
7. Grain Alcohol.

Word Verification: Reekpl, Tinsley reeks of pee and Hell.

Tog said...

Actually, I'm fairly certain this is the fourth time in six years that Flag-Wavin' Batshit's "forgotten" Veterans' Day. He remembered in 2007 and 2008; the strips appearing on November 11 of 2005, 2006, and 2009 (and of course this year) don't mention the holiday.

In other garbage-pretending-to-be-news, John Stossel pushes FOX Propaganda's War on Thanksgiving by depicting the first Thanksgiving as a near-fatal brush with Socialism. (Fuck history, we have dogma to push!!)

Rush, meanwhile, opines that Native Americans owe us for all the deaths caused by "their" tobacco.

Happy Thanksgiving! War on Christmas Season is right around the corner!

CW in LA said...

It wouldn't be THAT big a deal that the Tinsh has a hard time remembering Veterans' Day; but the fact that he apparently wants karma points for remembering it too late is extraordinarily dickish and pathetic even for him.

As for the Tinsh's fat-assed, pill-popping, boy-boufing overlord, if he wants us to believe the indigenous peoples of this continent did us an injury by introducing us to tobacco, does this mean he'll stop sporting those disturbingly phallic-looking giant cigars he favors?

Frank Stone said...

Jeezus, Brucie. Do you combine birthday and Christmas cards, too? Sheeyit.

rewinn said...

This has got to be the most pathetic cartoon in the history of pathetic cartoons.


Meanwhile, our troops are dying and killing in Afghanistan to prop up the regime of a drug-addled warlord who plays us for our money and guns. It continues because it's very profitable to the military-industrial complex that Eisenhower warnedus about. We really did not learn from Vietnam.

deepbeep said...

The excuse he gives is that he was "worried about being fired" -- a fictional event. Pathetic indeed.

And until Tinsley apologizes for his cowardice during the buildup to the Iraq war, I will not grant his premise that he gives a crap about our troops. The fact that he "had [his] doubts from the beginning" about the war, but didn't express them, shows that he'd rather shed the blood of our troops than alienate his audience of sheep. And the fact that your dad is a WWII vet doesn't prove that you support the troops, it just shows that he has demonstrated more bravery than you.