What's Mallard raving about today?
No, Mallard. That has nothing to do with talking on your phone while driving.
It has to do with the fact that you don't call your "friends" except when you have nothing else to do.
It has to do with the fact that you spend the entire call underscoring their lack of importance to you.
Truthfully, about the only insight on display today is the unintentional self-revelation that Mallard has no friends...at least not using the standard definition of "friend". Given his personality, however, this is not exactly surprising.