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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

That damned thanks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thanksgiving, Schools.

Despite Mallard's obvious attempt to suggest that those damned Secular Humanists in Public Schools are ruining Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is a secular holiday to begin with.

It's called Thanksgiving after all, not Thank the Christian God.

Unless Mallard is suggesting that being grateful is a uniquely Christian capability. Which is an idiotic suggestion, but I would not put it past him.


NLC said...

Dear King Features:

I realize that circulation for this strip is falling, but I think this is primarily a problem with properly identifying the intended target audience.

If I could suggest a solution, you might consider renaming this strip "Dispatches from Klaatu Fillmore".

In short when we humans read a strip we typically expect it to reflect, in some way, life on this planet. However, when the assumptions underlying a strip --like today's-- have nothing to do with life on Earth, we tend to find it mystifying.

(To point to a notable example, such a renaming of the strip would probably have gone a long way towards mitigating the confusion that followed the week of strips in July 2003, each of which ended with the punchline "Don't you hate it when you get dust in your third eye.")

A MF Fan

tom servo said...

Well, whaddya know, Mallard sucks today too. Is there a comment code for "Tinsley pretends to be a Christian"? What part of the Sermon of the Mount do you think means the most to him?

More importantly: will there be any food-based underwear today?

Anonymous said...

(Nothing to add, I just wanted to use the Word Verification: "calingly")

exanonymous said...

Poor kid.

(Since he's obviously stuck at school during Thanksgiving.)

Thanksgiving is not a secular holiday because the Pilgrims were Puritans. However, therein lies the key as to why it can be regarded as a secular holiday. "Puritans". We are not a Puritan society, and those conservative Christians who claim to come close in the name of war on religion don't have the guts to BE a true puritan.

rewinn said...

"I'd like to begin this taxpayer-funded program by promoting my church ... the TRUE faith of the Pilgrims ... not the wishy-washy feelgood stuff, but HARDCORE PURITANISM that started thanksgiving.

Starting immediately, all your parents who are adulterers must wear the scarlet A. That means you, John McCain, Fred Thomson, Rudy Gui911ani ... but not Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama."


Verification Word: "repab" ... a republican who has made it through rehab. Rare.

ajm said...

What does Bruce Tinsley know about gratitude, anyway?

Verification word: emulat

Factinista said...

Actually, I'm thinking that Mallard is complaining about the oft-repeated myth of "speech codes" on college campuses. He likes to think that those evil liberals brainwashing our college students have a draconian society set up where you can only say the select things they approve of.

Total garbage, honestly, but it makes more sense than anything else.

GeoX said...

You all are apparently unaware of the ebil secular War on Thanksgiving. That's what you get for not keeping up with your Jack Chick.

Michael said...

Uh, Prez, you just DID give thanks. And I don't see you in handcuffs.

Wait a minute, he's wearing a hospital gown. No wonder he feels persecuted, there are people chasing him with nets.

Word verification: arreb

Michael said...

Thanks GeoX, it's been a while since I read one of those. Comedy gold!

Everett Volk said...

That damned Supreme Court and their liberal fellow travelers, prohibiting the thankful from saying "thank you" or "thanks" on Thanksgiving. Bah! Now, we must resort to less obvious statements such as, "I feel grateful," "we appreciate," I am obliged," etc. I'm outraged!

MartyRotten said...

OMG thank you for posting that link. That was Chick's most twisted moment yet!!! I love how he whitewashed to abuses of the Puritans but mostly that family! Wow! Talk about dysfunctional!!!!

The kid selling PCP and Crack at the front door alone was worth the price of admission.

Even Tinsley can't match Chick for right wing paranoic fun!

fuckreagan said...

Bruce "Anonymous Tinsley, yesterday, accused a reader of not understanding Reagan becauseshe was too young. I am, also, young but I know, exactly, how Reagan fucked the country. He applied all the policies that Bruce Tinsley supported: He gave all our money to the rich, let businesses do all the shit they wanted and fucked all of our social services. His policies resulted in a $4,000,000,000,000 dollar deficit, severe poverty, a rcession and many other horrors. Someone who supports a policies that have been proved to destroy a country is a terrorist! We should send Tinsley to Guantanamo Bay to be tortured!

Note to the other readers and Tinsley's lawyers: this is a satire, please, do not sue me or accuse me of violating Godwin's Law.

Marion Delgado said...

Both Mallard and his target audience equate "secular" with "Atheist" and probably "communist."

Marion Delgado said...


MOREOVER, the Puritans are the only segment of society in North America ever to wage a concerted war on CHRISTMAS, which was in fact banned wherever Puritans hung their funny hats.

Game, set and match, Mssrs.. Tinsley, O'Reilly and Gibson, I say.

(also) the Puritans themselves did not celebrate Thanksgiving as an official holiday. But Christmas for the Puritans was what Halloween is for Jack Chick.

exanonymous said...

The anon thing yesterday?

Much funnier if you imagine it as a Q&A session. Basically, we have an anonymous little girl poster. Someone should let her parents know.

Kaitlyn said...

About yesterday, when Reagan was still president, I had done much more than anonymous claimed. For one, I spit up on people.

The basket on the head came during Bush 1, sadly.

How can people study the Civil War if everyone alive then is now dead? I'm confused.

Anyways, this reminds me of the paranoid Christmas comic about saying Merry Christmas in public buildings, which are of course closed on Christmas.

rewinn said...

Kaitlyn, why do you think public buildings are closed on Christmas?

Why, it's to prevent you from wishing people Merry Christmas there!

The first shot fired in the War on Christmas was when it was declared a United States Federal holiday in 1870.

Kaitlyn said...

It's a conspiracy, rewinn!

Thanks to you and Mallard, we now know the truth.

Scanman said...

I get a kick when people shout out "It's Merry Christmas!, Not Happy Holidays!" to an underpaid store clerk on a day that's NOT the 25th, yet the day in question is the 4th day of Hannakah.