What's Mallard raving about today?
Cell Phones.
No, Mallard. That has nothing to do with talking on your phone while driving.
It has to do with the fact that you don't call your "friends" except when you have nothing else to do.
It has to do with the fact that you spend the entire call underscoring their lack of importance to you.
Truthfully, about the only insight on display today is the unintentional self-revelation that Mallard has no friends...at least not using the standard definition of "friend". Given his personality, however, this is not exactly surprising.
Project Wonderful Banner
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
That damned status quo
What's Mallard raving about today?
Racism, Southern Whites, Blacks.
Finally, Mallard gets around to commenting on the election, and his first comment is...complete made up horse crap.
Seriously, can someone point to credible media commentary claiming that the Southern White vote, which was not significantly different for President-Elect Obama than for Senator Kerry, was based on racism?
Racism, Southern Whites, Blacks.
Finally, Mallard gets around to commenting on the election, and his first comment is...complete made up horse crap.
Seriously, can someone point to credible media commentary claiming that the Southern White vote, which was not significantly different for President-Elect Obama than for Senator Kerry, was based on racism?
Thursday, November 27, 2008
That damned Pilgrim
What's Mallard raving about today?
Pilgrims, Turkey.
Moments later, Prudence's husband was carried away by a mob and burned at the stake as a warlock for predicting the future. Little did the Pilgrims know that his prediction would, in fact, come true.
Also, sadly, the first Thanksgiving marked the extinction of the New World's rare talking turkeys.
Happy Thanksgiving, all.
Pilgrims, Turkey.
Moments later, Prudence's husband was carried away by a mob and burned at the stake as a warlock for predicting the future. Little did the Pilgrims know that his prediction would, in fact, come true.
Also, sadly, the first Thanksgiving marked the extinction of the New World's rare talking turkeys.
Happy Thanksgiving, all.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
That damned leader
What's Mallard raving about today?
Leaders, meetings.
So, in this little metaphor, the Turkeys are the Americans (led by Barack Obama) and the Pilgrims are the Iranians (led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad)?
The Pilgrims are the Iranians?
Seriously?
Mallard is losing his mind.
Leaders, meetings.
So, in this little metaphor, the Turkeys are the Americans (led by Barack Obama) and the Pilgrims are the Iranians (led by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad)?
The Pilgrims are the Iranians?
Seriously?
Mallard is losing his mind.
Meta-Post: AdSense
Just a brief note that at some point I am going to put Google ads somewhere on the site, at least for a while.
It's something I am doing as research for my job, not because I want to (or need to) make money from this blog...not to mention that I can't really expect to make much money.
At any rate, I apologize in advance if the ads are in any way annoying to readers.
It's something I am doing as research for my job, not because I want to (or need to) make money from this blog...not to mention that I can't really expect to make much money.
At any rate, I apologize in advance if the ads are in any way annoying to readers.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
That damned thanks
What's Mallard raving about today?
Thanksgiving, Schools.
Despite Mallard's obvious attempt to suggest that those damned Secular Humanists in Public Schools are ruining Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is a secular holiday to begin with.
It's called Thanksgiving after all, not Thank the Christian God.
Unless Mallard is suggesting that being grateful is a uniquely Christian capability. Which is an idiotic suggestion, but I would not put it past him.
Thanksgiving, Schools.
Despite Mallard's obvious attempt to suggest that those damned Secular Humanists in Public Schools are ruining Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is a secular holiday to begin with.
It's called Thanksgiving after all, not Thank the Christian God.
Unless Mallard is suggesting that being grateful is a uniquely Christian capability. Which is an idiotic suggestion, but I would not put it past him.
Monday, November 24, 2008
That damned Present
What's Mallard raving about today?
Thanksgiving, Then and Now.
Ah, the Past. Superior to the Present in every way, especially when, like Mallard, you romanticize it into a Utopia that never in fact existed.
As to the complaint at hand, Mallard, perhaps if Republicans had not created a world in which everyone needed to work three jobs to survive, that couple would have time to cook.
Thanksgiving, Then and Now.
Ah, the Past. Superior to the Present in every way, especially when, like Mallard, you romanticize it into a Utopia that never in fact existed.
As to the complaint at hand, Mallard, perhaps if Republicans had not created a world in which everyone needed to work three jobs to survive, that couple would have time to cook.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Those damned Pilgrims
What's Mallard raving about today?
Pilgrims, Xenophobes, Guns, Religion.
I spent the last 8 years being described as a traitor, as a terrorist sympathizer, as Anti-American, and more recently as a Socialist/Marxist by extension.
So any whiny babies who are offended about Obama's statement that they cling to religion and guns out of bitterness can seriously just get over it already, because I could care less about their poor little hurt feelings.
Pilgrims, Xenophobes, Guns, Religion.
I spent the last 8 years being described as a traitor, as a terrorist sympathizer, as Anti-American, and more recently as a Socialist/Marxist by extension.
So any whiny babies who are offended about Obama's statement that they cling to religion and guns out of bitterness can seriously just get over it already, because I could care less about their poor little hurt feelings.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
That damned Congress
What's Mallard raving about today?
Congress, The President.
I am pretty sure Mallard intended to whine about the fact that President Bush was blamed for everything that happened to the country during his 8 year tenure, whereas the Democratic Congress of the last 2 years was not blamed in the same way.
What he actually whined about, however, is the difference between having 1 person versus 535 people representing a branch of the government.
Congress, The President.
I am pretty sure Mallard intended to whine about the fact that President Bush was blamed for everything that happened to the country during his 8 year tenure, whereas the Democratic Congress of the last 2 years was not blamed in the same way.
What he actually whined about, however, is the difference between having 1 person versus 535 people representing a branch of the government.
Friday, November 21, 2008
That damned Insanity
What's Mallard raving about today?
The BCS, Insanity.
You know what doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the opposite of?
Change.
You want an example of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
Voting for John McCain.
The BCS, Insanity.
You know what doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the opposite of?
Change.
You want an example of doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
Voting for John McCain.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Those damned days
What's Mallard raving about today?
Christmas, The Economy.
Reasonably speaking, today's effort would have been written either in the last few days before a historic election or in the days just after a historic election.
And this is what Mallard chooses to whinge about?
Par for the course. Depressing as all hell. But par for the course.
Christmas, The Economy.
Reasonably speaking, today's effort would have been written either in the last few days before a historic election or in the days just after a historic election.
And this is what Mallard chooses to whinge about?
Par for the course. Depressing as all hell. But par for the course.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
That damned belief
What's Mallard raving about today?
Belief, Hope, Change, Jobs.
President-Elect Obama makes people hopeful for the future. President-Elect Obama promises the possibility of change after 8 years of fear-mongering divisiveness. President-Elect Obama may help foster an economy that creates jobs in America, unlike his predecessor.
Mallard does not want to live in a world like that!
I said it before, I'll say it again. Mallard hates hope.
Belief, Hope, Change, Jobs.
President-Elect Obama makes people hopeful for the future. President-Elect Obama promises the possibility of change after 8 years of fear-mongering divisiveness. President-Elect Obama may help foster an economy that creates jobs in America, unlike his predecessor.
Mallard does not want to live in a world like that!
I said it before, I'll say it again. Mallard hates hope.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
That damned Santa
What's Mallard raving about today?
Milestones, Christmas.
Mallad fires the first shot in Bill O'Reilly's vaunted War on Christmas.
Alternately: Why does Mallard hate the free market so much?
Milestones, Christmas.
Mallad fires the first shot in Bill O'Reilly's vaunted War on Christmas.
Alternately: Why does Mallard hate the free market so much?
Monday, November 17, 2008
That damned economy
What's Mallard raving about today?
The economy, The Media, the Election.
Mallard has a point. The Presidency may be many things, but all-powerful it is not, and President Bush cannot be singled out for blame, especially when it comes to the Economy.
Pretty much the entire Republican Party and Conservative Movement are to blame as well.
That said, he is missing the main culprit: the Economy itself. The Economy, which has a well-known liberal bias, was totally in the tank for Obama.
Unfortunately for Mallard, American voters gave in to their fears about the Economy and did not follow his simple, by irrefutable logic:
The economy, The Media, the Election.
Mallard has a point. The Presidency may be many things, but all-powerful it is not, and President Bush cannot be singled out for blame, especially when it comes to the Economy.
Pretty much the entire Republican Party and Conservative Movement are to blame as well.
That said, he is missing the main culprit: the Economy itself. The Economy, which has a well-known liberal bias, was totally in the tank for Obama.
Unfortunately for Mallard, American voters gave in to their fears about the Economy and did not follow his simple, by irrefutable logic:
- Things suck.
- President Bush and Republicans have been in control for most of the last 8 years.
- Ergo, maintain the status quo!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
That damned chihuahua
What's Mallard raving about today?
Some groups, Cartoon characters.
Some groups, eh?
Would you like to compare the number of "groups" going after cartoon characters which promote obesity to the number of groups who actively promoted the complete falsehood that Barack Obama was a Muslim in an attempt to frighten people into voting for John McCain?
While we're at it, we can discuss the relative harm of the two "groups".
Also, I suspect Pastor Martin Niemöller would never stop throwing up if he knew how Mallard was trivializing his famous quote.
Some groups, Cartoon characters.
Some groups, eh?
Tony the Tiger, and Snap, Crackle and Pop have been branded "cartoon villains" by a U.K. consumer watchdog called Which? for failing to promote healthy eating in children.I defy you to name the second group, and justify the use of the plural.
Would you like to compare the number of "groups" going after cartoon characters which promote obesity to the number of groups who actively promoted the complete falsehood that Barack Obama was a Muslim in an attempt to frighten people into voting for John McCain?
While we're at it, we can discuss the relative harm of the two "groups".
Also, I suspect Pastor Martin Niemöller would never stop throwing up if he knew how Mallard was trivializing his famous quote.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
That damned SRAM
What's Mallard raving about today?
SRAM
Apparently SRAM's Marketing budget only allows for product placement in Mallard Fillmore.
On a more serious note, reading Mallard Fillmore is often a lot like reading the diary of a demented person.
SRAM
Apparently SRAM's Marketing budget only allows for product placement in Mallard Fillmore.
On a more serious note, reading Mallard Fillmore is often a lot like reading the diary of a demented person.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Those damned concerns
What's Mallard raving about today?
Federal employees, Bureaucracy
Dear Mallard,
You hate everything and everyone, indiscriminately, and express said hatred without any cleverness or humor. In other words, you suck at your job.
Which brings us to your inability to see irony in things like your complaint about Federal Employee's job performance...
Federal employees, Bureaucracy
Dear Mallard,
You hate everything and everyone, indiscriminately, and express said hatred without any cleverness or humor. In other words, you suck at your job.
Which brings us to your inability to see irony in things like your complaint about Federal Employee's job performance...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
That damned label
What's Mallard raving about today?
Racism, the Election.
The fact that this is the lesson Mallard drew from the 2008 election tells you everything you need to know about Mallard.
Racism, the Election.
The fact that this is the lesson Mallard drew from the 2008 election tells you everything you need to know about Mallard.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Those damned pollsters
What's Mallard raving about today?
Pollsters.
Uhhhh, Mallard...pollsters don't rate things.
They report on the percentages of people who respond in a certain way to questions.
In other words, they poll.
Pollsters.
Uhhhh, Mallard...pollsters don't rate things.
They report on the percentages of people who respond in a certain way to questions.
In other words, they poll.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Those veterans
What's Mallard talking about today?
Veterans.
This is one of those days where I just leave Mallard alone.
Veterans.
This is one of those days where I just leave Mallard alone.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Those damned Heroes
What's Mallard raving about today?
Heroes.
Much like his obsession regarding singer-songwriters, Mallard often assumes everyone has the same pet peeves and opinions about TV as he does, and finds this fertile ground for material.
Personally, I find it parochial at best. At worst, it is a disturbing indication of the assumption of homogeneity of thought which a Right Wing water-carrier perceives as "reality."
You know what I mean, the homogeneity of thought in which George Bush is still a genius President.
Heroes.
Much like his obsession regarding singer-songwriters, Mallard often assumes everyone has the same pet peeves and opinions about TV as he does, and finds this fertile ground for material.
Personally, I find it parochial at best. At worst, it is a disturbing indication of the assumption of homogeneity of thought which a Right Wing water-carrier perceives as "reality."
You know what I mean, the homogeneity of thought in which George Bush is still a genius President.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
That damned interlude
What's Mallard raving about today?
Elections.
Random comments in no particular order...
Mallard's TV remote speaks the word "click." That's just weird.
No. No no no no no. Mallard crotch shot? Oh, dear God, no.
The Fillmore Foundation? For what? The promotion of stupidity and generalized hatred or rage?
I think we can look forward to at least a month of Republicans tearing each other apart after this complete repudiation, leading them to the conclusion that they lost because they "weren't conservative enough" all the while eating Sarah Palin alive and making her the scapegoat for the loss after months of saying she was electrifying the electorate. Frankly, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Elections.
Random comments in no particular order...
Mallard's TV remote speaks the word "click." That's just weird.
No. No no no no no. Mallard crotch shot? Oh, dear God, no.
The Fillmore Foundation? For what? The promotion of stupidity and generalized hatred or rage?
I think we can look forward to at least a month of Republicans tearing each other apart after this complete repudiation, leading them to the conclusion that they lost because they "weren't conservative enough" all the while eating Sarah Palin alive and making her the scapegoat for the loss after months of saying she was electrifying the electorate. Frankly, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
That damned songwriter
What's Mallard raving about today?
Singer Songwriters.
4 days after a historic election, Mallard decides it's time to return to bitching about nothing in particular, just his general hatred of humanity in general and his hatred of hippies in particular.
And to do this, he posits a scenario in which scientists (the same scientists he derides constantly regarding climate change) trace an event from the future back to an event in our past.
How irrelevant is Mallard trying to be?
Singer Songwriters.
4 days after a historic election, Mallard decides it's time to return to bitching about nothing in particular, just his general hatred of humanity in general and his hatred of hippies in particular.
And to do this, he posits a scenario in which scientists (the same scientists he derides constantly regarding climate change) trace an event from the future back to an event in our past.
How irrelevant is Mallard trying to be?
Friday, November 07, 2008
That damned racist code
What's Mallard raving about today?
Racism, Mainstream Media.
The racism at McCain/Palin rallies wasn't terribly hard to spot, Mallard. And most of it wasn't coded, unless you count "kill him" as code.
Racism, Mainstream Media.
The racism at McCain/Palin rallies wasn't terribly hard to spot, Mallard. And most of it wasn't coded, unless you count "kill him" as code.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Those damned thoughts
What's Mallard raving about today?
John McCain, Barack Obama.
Whereas Mallard will simply continue pretending to have any sort of insight and relevance.
John McCain, Barack Obama.
Whereas Mallard will simply continue pretending to have any sort of insight and relevance.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
That damned result
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Election.
Of course. Conservatism did not fail. It never fails.
It was failed by the candidates who were simply not Conservative enough.
That said, I am glad to see Walter Williams get one last moment in the sun, so to speak. For anyone who started reading this blog after January of 2007, I suggest you treat yourselves to one of the most insane periods in Mallard history. Start here and just keep reading.
The Election.
Of course. Conservatism did not fail. It never fails.
It was failed by the candidates who were simply not Conservative enough.
That said, I am glad to see Walter Williams get one last moment in the sun, so to speak. For anyone who started reading this blog after January of 2007, I suggest you treat yourselves to one of the most insane periods in Mallard history. Start here and just keep reading.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Metapost: Obama Landslide!
Barack Obama wins with a massive mandate!
Sanity returns to America after a very, very, very long exile.
On a personal note, I look forward to 4 years of Mallard Fillmore strips denouncing President Obama's racism and watching as Mallard descends to a level of unhinged wingnuttery not previously believed possible.
Sanity returns to America after a very, very, very long exile.
On a personal note, I look forward to 4 years of Mallard Fillmore strips denouncing President Obama's racism and watching as Mallard descends to a level of unhinged wingnuttery not previously believed possible.
Those damned Judges
What's Mallard raving about today?
Elections.
This is what Mallard chooses to run on Election day? A panel basically saying: "Hey, everyone, you're stupid."
Now, excuse me while I try to figure out where Judge Roddy McGillvrey's beanie went.
Elections.
This is what Mallard chooses to run on Election day? A panel basically saying: "Hey, everyone, you're stupid."
Now, excuse me while I try to figure out where Judge Roddy McGillvrey's beanie went.
Monday, November 03, 2008
That damned Bradley Effect
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Media, The Bradley Effect.
The mainstream media asks poll questions and has reported on the existence of a Bradley Effect theory.
So what exactly is their crime?
The Media, The Bradley Effect.
The mainstream media asks poll questions and has reported on the existence of a Bradley Effect theory.
So what exactly is their crime?
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Those damned pollsters
What's Mallard raving about today?
Polls, The Election.
Is it just me or does John McCain seem to be closing his eyes and wishing very, very hard?
Polls, The Election.
Is it just me or does John McCain seem to be closing his eyes and wishing very, very hard?
Saturday, November 01, 2008
That damned factory
What's Mallard raving about today?
Bumper Stickers
I'm pretty sure that factory's running comfortable with a huge run of "Don't Blame Me, I voted for McCain" Stickers.
Bumper Stickers
I'm pretty sure that factory's running comfortable with a huge run of "Don't Blame Me, I voted for McCain" Stickers.
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