The nominees for the A Break Instead of a Lecture Award (Pettiest Complaint) are:
- Nothing's On - What do you do when there's nothing worth watching on TV? Read a book? Take a walk? If you are Mallard, you complain about it.
- Grammar Police - "Common and minor grammatical errors are inexcusable." Don't be that guy, Mallard. Nobody likes that guy.
- Has this ever happened to you? No? - Mallard, apparently, has a history of packages being destroyed by the USPS, and he seems to believe it happens to everyone else as well.
- Car Alarms - Mallard discovered car alarms a decade after Stand-Up Comedians decided the topic was tired.
- Etc. - You know what really irks me? Shall I tell you? OK...Etc. pisses me off.
13 comments:
Mallard makes so many petty complaints that I can't believe you managed to pare it down to five. I chose Car Alarms, mostly because of how utterly random it is. Most of these have some connection to then-recent events, but the car alarm thing smacks of Tinsley writing about the first thing that popped into his head.
Grammar Police, because he hurts the language much more.
Plus it's really effing petty and takes up a whole Sunday space!
Car alarm - petty, but not that petty when you're on the ninth floor, trying to sleep and dammitall people if the joke is older than I am, why do they still go off?
Nothing's on - is he dissing baseball?
Grammar police for me--HOLY CRUD, a phrase has achieved an idiomatic meaning that's different from its literal meaning! Quick! No time to lose! Let's start whining about it!
I may have mentioned this when the comic was first published, but no one beats the package-destroying efficiently of the private market. I recently got something at work from UPS that looked like the truck had run it over just prior to delivery.
I voted for "Has this ever happened to you? No?" mainly because it tied into his ongoing promotion of the "HURF DURF THE POST OFFICE ARE A INEFFICIENT GUBMINT BUREAUCRACY WHICH ARE TO SAY A GUBMINT BUREAUCRACY AS ANY FULE KNO" meme. Other than that, there wasn't much to choose between them (although I actually agree with his Grammar Police complaint and "Nothing's On" left me with an indelible sense of "What the gigantic shit?")
Complaining about grammar is pretty rich coming from a guy who can't spell "bigoted."
Yeah, Grammar for me, too. For me, it is the most utterly random and snotty of the bunch. Save the grammar lectures for your own base, Mallard.
I went for TV, because in reality, television is a vast wonderland, and there aren't enough hours in a day to watch even just the good stuff. As a result, my set is off most of the time because I could never catch up.
I notice Mallard takes the opposite approach, lying passively, staring at the tube that brings him life.
One day the membrane separating him from the chair will go pop and he'll unite with the beanbag just like two soap bubbles suddenly becoming one.
I gotta go with "Grammar Police". As pointed out by others, kinda rich coming from a guy who can't spell "bigoted" correctly.
Next in this series: why do people say "hot as Hades" when nobody has ever measured the temperature in Hades?
Nothing's On: Tinsley cannot read a book, because he is barely literate. He cannot go outside, because he thinks everyone is plotting against him. He spends ten hours a day in sports bars, thus, his frustration is understandable.
Grammar Police: Tinsley is such an incredible hypocrite: He writes at a sixth-grade level, yet, when someone makes the slightest grammatical mistake, he is enraged. This is the same attitude he has towards racism, neophobia, insanity and simple logic.
Has This Ever Happened to You: An old cliched joke, but inoffensive.
Car Alarms: This, at first, seems to be a simple cliched joke. It proves to be much worse when one notices that it reflects Tinsley's sociopathic disregard for others: His Mary Sue Furry alterego walks past blaring alarms, possible signs of grand theft, without the slightest concern for the owners. We, all, tend to do that, though, so we cannot blame Tinsley.
Etc: Washington, D.C, is well known to have a majority Black population, thus, Tinsley is saying, "n---- are violent psychopaths who should be quarantined with their h---- leader!
We must ask, then, whether to vote for Tinsley's hypocrisy or racism. Tinsley's racism is about as extreme as it can be, but I have to vote for the hypocrisy, because it is a longer, more condescending rant.
Word Verification: Joyjarf, Tinsley take everything that produces joy and makes it produce horrible, disgusting joyjarf
I voted Grammar Police for the reasons others have already given.
But I still wonder if the frequency of the Tinsh's packages getting mooshed under the post office handling has any correlation with his enthusiasm for talking trash about said post office, government employees in general, unions, etc., etc...
This is how all of Tinsley's packages get beat up:
1. Package gets delivered to his front door.
2. Bruce stumbles home, falls asleep on the yard again. Uses box as pillow.
3. Woken up by the sun, stumbles inside and forgets that he was mushing it with his head all night and even cuddling with it.
4. Draws shitty cartoon about USPS ruining his packages.
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