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Sunday, April 25, 2010

That damned subtext

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sports, Cheetohs.

Wow. Much homoerotic subtext?

And. Mallard...even baseball players could kick your Cheetoh-eating feather butt.


doubleyou-tee-eff said...

Because Mallard's done the same thing as Cabrera!

Because he doesn't have a girlfriend!

Also he doesn't really wear pants but who cares!

That's the best I can come up with at 3 AM with barely any knowledge of sports.

Tog said...

Yes, Mallard, baseball's a complete loaf. That's why performance-enhancing drugs and corked bats have become such a problem. That's why Japan's crazy about the game. That's why it's AMERICA'S PASTIME. Why do you hate America, Batshit Brucie?

Batshit's got to be a serious closet self-loather. This is hardly the first strip in which he's cried about what a waste of space he (or at least his stand-in, Mallard) is, then elected to not bother improving himself.

And yet he thinks he's THE champion of the conservative ideology. He just illustrates (again) the difference between conservative and neoconservative values, and that difference is as great as the galaxy itself.

Ducky is Right said...

Yeah, the average baseball player could probably still bench press you, Ducks; even if they might not be the Herculean, chiseled god-men you fantasize about in your gladiator dreams.

WV: adystser. Five consonants in a row? I submit that that is not a real word.

Ducky is Right said...

Oh, if you REALLY want to blow Ducky's mind, send him some pics of Obama and some Iranians in the buff, with their ripply abs and waddle-free chins.
I bet he shits his pants, then downs a pint of his trademark Cheez-It and bourbon milkshake.

Tog said...

Ah, Doonesbury. If it had only come out one day sooner, it would've been SO perfect.

exanonymous said...

Not even the worst baseball team can be as out of shape as Mallard. The duck can't even sit up straight, and would probably have a heart attack if he tried to make it to a base in under 2 minutes.

See Mallard, even when baseball players LOOK fat, there's still muscle under the fat. You've just got more fat.

Lagomorph Man said...

Mallard could not sound more like an angry, washed up, worthless old man if he tried.

For God's sake, I hate baseball myself, but I'd never describe any of the players as "lazy" (now, if he accused them of being overpaid...). Pitchers can work their arms to the point they no longer function. Yes, it's a slow-paced game, but to compare them to a fatass sitting on a couch munching on food-like substances is just wrong.

Ducky is Right said...

Beyond which, how many defensive linemen are built like figure skaters? Why isn't he dumping on football?

NotannonNotcow said...

Hey, at least he had panels today!

deepbeep said...

Glad you don't feel guilty about it anymore, Mallard. Here in San Francisco, there are plenty of men who grew tired of watching the athletic bodies, preferring instead larger men who fiddle with their pants. Who knew that ducks could be bear lovers?

Kip W said...

Coming up: We rip the lid off of Apple Pie!

On a barely related topic, I actually read The Catcher in the Rye -- just finished it up this morning. It's a massive whine-fest from a congenital loser. It seems to have driven John Hinkley to take a shot at Reagan. I wouldn't be surprised if Tin's read it, and the effect it had on him was to turn him into an even whinier loser.

MartyRotten said...

Hey I read CATCHER IN THE RYE and consider it a classic! But I'm sorry you didn't like it, oh well.

Back on topic, I'm sure Mallard just felt a little uncomfortable watching a bunch of muscular guys in tight pants piling on top of each other and patting each other on the butt.

rewinn said...

Michael Jordan, the premier male athlete of his time and arguably the best basketball player ever (unarguably on the Starting Top Five) ...

... crapped out at professional baseball.

Hitting a curveball is one of the most difficult tasks in all of sports.... so difficult that you get at least three tries and fouls don't count; even with that, a batting average equal to the pass-completion average of an average pro qb would lead the league.

This is not to dis any of the other sports, nor to deny that Baseball's major charm is that you can get a lot of conversation in while nothing's going on, but it's a simple fact that baseball is a game of skill rather than raw power or speed, and both pitching and batting pushes to the limit.

Not that I really care about pro sports (and it's unlikely any MLBB play cares about Brewski's rant), but I don't like stupid people sneering at their betters. But what else does Drinkley got going?

(P.S. based on the number of hispanics in MLB, it's not beyond the realm of possibility of some sort of one-game-boycott of AryanZona.)

GeoX said...

I read Catcher in the Rye in high school, which I'm pretty sure is the time you're meant to read it. I remember enjoying it well enough, but not identifying with it particularly, as I gather is often the case. An amusing take on it is the film (oh no! I said "film!") The Good Girl, perhaps the only thing I've ever liked Jennifer Aniston in (she doesn't actually do much in Office Space, does she?).

Kip W said...

The "boarding school angst" book I read and appreciated was A Separate Peace. I don't know how I'd feel if I read it now, of course. GeoX, you might be right that I read it at the wrong point in my life.

Also, I'm disappointed that "Little Shirley Beans" isn't a real record. It was one thing I took from the book -- a feeling that I'd like to hear it.

wavydavy said...

GeoX and Kip W --

Consider yourselves lucky: in my HS, we had to read both Catcher AND A Seperate Peace.

Don't remember much about the latter, but I do remember having the same reaction as Kip W to Catcher (only I was in HS): it's nothing more than a massive whinefest, and to his supposedly shocking discovery that "phonies" really exist, my response was "Duh?!"

As for Ducky and today's strip, I would strongly recommend to him NOT using such phrases as "fiddle with his pants", for any number of obvious (at least to readers of D&C) reasons.