Meta-Post: Life Choices

I started Duck and Cover in August 2006, which means that I have now spent almost 6.5 years willfully inflicting a daily psychic wound on myself by reading Mallard Fillmore.

When I started, and for the first few years, I was usually taken aback by the audacity of Mallard Fillmore's rampant mendacity. It angered me, much as 6 years of Republican mendacity on the national stage angered me. And I wanted to correct the falsehoods and require that discourse be fact-based. In some extremely small way, it was my protest against President Bush and his cronies.

But for the past year or so, the task has become much more boring, much more pedestrian. Which is not to say that Mallard Fillmore (and those for whom he carries water) are any less mendacious. Probably they are more so. And that is not to say that their discourse is more fact-based. Probably it is less so.

But, frankly, I don't think Mallard Fillmore is actually trying anymore. Mallard Fillmore itself has become an empty husk. Where once it was rage-filled and self-righteous, now it simply repeats, in the most plodding terms imaginable, whatever is currently in a loop on Fox, Drudge, Townhall, or Breitbart.

There's barely any actual anger in Mallard Fillmore anymore...whether over the ginned up outrage or over the fact that no one is allowing themselves to be ginned up. Sure, the words are there, but it's just a pantomime. It's too tiring, I think, for Mallard Fillmore to generate anger and outrage knowing no one feeds on it anymore. Mallard Fillmore has become pathetic (though not pitiable).

Perhaps it's because 6 years of this have inoculated me to Right Wing faux outrage in a way that it seems (I hope) the nation and the media writ large are growing weary of and inoculated against as well. (Witness the impotent fury of the Right Wing over Benghazi while everyone else ignored them.) My tendency, now, is less outrage or desire to de-bunk falsehood and more of a bored shrug. It's The Boy Who Cried Wolf for the 21st Century.

In any event, all of that is to say that I am thinking of ceasing to update the blog. If Mallard Fillmore isn't going to try anymore, then why should I? Why not use the time each day I spend on this blog for something actually useful? And why not return to that blissful pre-2006 state when I never read Mallard Fillmore? Barely even knew it existed?

That said, if someone were interested in taking over, I would certainly entertain that. Just let me know in the comments!

Those damned Rates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Notre Dame

OK, Mallard...what's your solution? What's going on now is simply the Free Market at work. College Football is a huge business, with the lure of Pro Football even bigger. So the focus is on Football, not academics.

Are you proposing some sort of Nanny State solution in which the law decides who can play football and who can't, based on factors other than their capability to play football?

Because, other than to gripe about something that has a thinly veiled racist element to it, I have no idea what your point is.

That damned Mask

What's Mallard raving about today?

Republicans

There's so much wrong with this, I hardly no where to focus. But I'll start with the fact that there are no elections in 2013, you moron.

Have at the rest in the comments.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hurricane Sandy

Poor persecuted Teabaggers! How will they survive all the mean old people in the world?

That damned Shark

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sharks, Libya

"And if only the electorate had voted the way that dude over at Unskewed Polls said they would, we would totally have won this election!"

Alas, reality has a well-known Liberal bias.

That damned Rematch

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney, President Obama, Candy Crowley

What's fascinating here is the glimpse into the fantasy world Mallard Fillmore inhabits. A world in which, had Candy Crowley not pointed out a fact, Mitt Romney would have won the election.

It's precisely that completely nuance-less, Black-and-White thinking that makes Republicans so stupid and dangerous at the same time.

That damned Trial

What's Mallard raving about today?

George Zimmerman, The Media

This from someone who recently screamed that the Media just did not scream loud enough about the Right Wing nontroversy over Benghazi.

Merry Christmas

Do the opposite of Mallard Fillmore: enjoy life and see some good in things.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Yeah, uh. no.

Republican positions are funnier than the 47% of dead-enders who still believe in them realize. And Joe Biden was using that fact to wipe the floor with the "intellectual giant" of the Republican movement, otherwise known as the guy who, unlike most people, didn't outgrow Atlas Shrugged.

Merry Christmas

As usual, I will give Mallard latitude for this, though timing for that one headline is deeply unfortunate.

That damned Future

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas, The Future

Hey, Christmas Warrior? Why are you saying "holidays" yourself if you're such an ideological purist?

Serious question: Are Fox News viewers actually this dumb?

That damned Support

What's Mallard raving about today?

Benghazi

Ignoring the mendacity, since pointing it out requires just noting that it's coming from Mallard Fillmore...

Everyone recall this when you next hear someone say that we should not politicize tragedies by discussing the need for Gun Control.

That damned First

What's Mallard raving about today?

Elmo, Charlie Sheen

Wow, yeah...uh...Mallard. Child abuse? Pretty much always too soon. (And, ye Gods! Your doggerel SUCKS.)

That damned Card

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, The Race Card

African Americans voted for President Obama by a 93-6 Margin.

Latinos voted for President Obama by a 71-27 Margin.

Asians voted for President Obama by a 73-26 Margin.

But, you know, it's just those darned Liberals who claim the Republican party is not friendly toward non-whites. If only those uppity minorities understood what's good for them, they'd vote Republican. Unfortunately, however, they are just lazy moochers who view the Government as Santa Claus.

That damned Recycling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Re-Gifting

For those of us with more than one friend, unlike Mallard, this is not an issue.

Also, for those of us with a shred of humanity and decency, not an issue.

That damned Reference

What's Mallard raving about today?

War on Christmas

Wow, Mallard's advanced from the stage where the heathens were trying to remove references to his deity of choice to the stage where they are actively promoting taking his name in vain.

And all of it just a product of his fevered brain.

That damned Business

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Elves, Taxes

Mallard Fillmore: The only thing wrong about Mitt Romney's 47% remark is that he got the percentage wrong. since 51% of moochers and takers voted for President Obama. But don't worry, continuing to insult 51% of America will win us the next election!

That damned Dilemma

What's Mallard raving about today?

Obama Care, Small Business

If you're so stupid as to believe what you just said about Obamacare, Ms. Small Business Owner, then, yes, I would get out while you can.

That damned Word

What's Mallard raving about today?

Frankly, I don't know.

The language of this makes it pretty hard to understand what Mallard is getting at, but I think he's suggesting that he doesn't believe Republicans, in the wake of their disastrous 2012 Election results, need to re-package their message (let alone change their positions). Mallard is arguing for the status quo, in the apparent hope that if they just shout their beliefs loudly one more time, this time everyone will get it and we'll all become Republicans.

Because, you know, it's not that their policies are wrong, it's just that everyone else's attitude toward their policies is wrong.

And one wonders how they led themselves to ignore all available facts and believe they were about to score a huge Electoral victory in 2012?

That damned Need

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus

Isn't that cute? A murderous child can't tell the difference between Santa Clause and God.

Note, also, that the child doesn't know the difference between God (who does the smiting) and Jesus, his Liberal Hippie Son, whose birthday we're about to celebrate.

That damned Gift Idea

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holidays, Government Spending

Mallard's War on Christmas continues apace.

As does his lack of understanding of Economics.

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moderates

Mallard Fillmore will not be swayed from his extremist views.

That damned Want

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Even by Mallard's standards, this makes no sense.

President Obama campaigned on a pledge to raise taxes on income over $250,000, which amounts to an increase on the top 2% of earners.

Nothing about that has changed. Mind you, after January 1, if no deal is made, it is possible for taxes to revert to pre-Bush level on everyone. That would, however, be 100% the Republican's fault, as there are already bills available to be voted on that would prevent this, and only Republican intransigency over tax cuts for the top 2% is stopping that from happening.

That damned Sign

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, The Economy

I'm not sure why Economists would much care about a horde of Santa homunculi.

I'm pretty sure Mallard Fillmore's mind snapped somewhere around November 6 and he's now quite literally nuts.

That damned Cliff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, The Financial "Cliff"

I don't think Mallard understands the Financial "Cliff". Or he doesn't understand Santa Clause. Or he doesn't understand either.

More likely, he doesn't understand what constitutes an apt comparison.

That damned Belief

What's Mallard raving about today?

Republicans, The Election.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please keep believing that.

Those damed Naughties

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, The Election

After being President for 4 years, Mallard still thinks the President hasn't been vetted. And if people would just buy into all the conspiracy theories that Breitbart and Town Hall make up, which Fox propagates wildly, and which credulous idiots like himself believe...then President Romney!

Those damned Services

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus, President Obama

Well, at least we finally know what "lesson" Mallard learned from the election. It's that 51% of America are greedy moochers, sucking the blood of Real Americans as they live in the lap of luxury courtesy of Government hand-outs.

Good luck with that in 2014!

That damned Substitute

What's Mallard raving about today?

Love, Christmas

Mallard Fillmore just gives you that warm holiday glow, don't it?

That damned Relationship

What's Mallard raving about today?

Relationships.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Mallard can't be bothered to listen to or understand what other people say to him. But that won;t stop him from feeling persecuted anyway.

That damned Newsletter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holiday Newsletters

Holiday Newsletter?

Alert Fox "News". Mallard Fillmore hates Christmas! Burn him!

That damned Coincidence

What's Mallard raving about today?

2012 Election

Yes, Mallard. That's the lesson of the 2012 election. Keep thinking that until at least 2016. Please.

And if possible, say it a lot. In public.

That damned Option

What's Mallard raving about today?

Debt

Yes, yes...your feeble brain believes that government spending and household spending are in any way similar. We get it. Doesn't make it true.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Chuck Todd, Libya

Never let it be said that failure (in this case failure to convince America that what happened in Benghazi was a scandal) is a deterrent to the Right Wing.

They have, however, failed to notice that, like the Boy who Cried Wolf, the majority of people have lost interest.

That damned Initiative

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Hey, Mallard...Republicans took their case that President Obama was to blame for the Economy and got crushed. So, you know, no one really cares what you think about the matter, since we have data to prove that you're in the minority.

That damned Toadying

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Media

Yawn.

That damned Chant

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Press

Finally, we're into the excuse-making portion of Mallard Fillmore, as he grapples with the result of the 2012 election.

Those damned Holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Turkeys

If we pay attention to the date, Mallard just posted a comic about a Turkey being depressed, despite being alive a few days after Thanksgiving.

If we don't pay attention to the date, Mallard just posted a comic about a Turkey being depressed around Thanksgiving.

Either way we have to face the fact that he got paid, which is truly hard to fathom.

Those damned Images

What's Mallard raving about today?

Black Friday

Mallard Fillmore hates capitalism.

Those damned Spectators

What's Mallard raving about today?

Black Friday

A break, not a lecture...

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holiday Specials

Mallard Fillmore leads a completely cheerless life.

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holiday Specials

Ahhh, the holidays. That time of year when Mallard spends all his time inventing reasons to be angry about nothing at all.

That damned Worry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Orcas, Disney

I think we've reached the point where Mallard is starting to reveal what the voices in his head are talking about, because I have no other explanation for this.

That damned Geeknami

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney

Mallard attempts a neologism. Not surprisingly, it fails.

-D

That damned Tip

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toilet Paper

Today, Mallard Fillmore gives advice related to wiping your ass. Good luck forgetting that happened.

That damned Awkwardness

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Geek Squad

I'm sure The Geek Squad would be worried about buzz resulting from over a week of being named and criticized in a nationally-syndicated comic...if they thought anyone read Mallard Fillmore.

(I have to say, I'm a bit surprised King Features Syndicate would take the risk of openly naming The Geek Squad, but I'm guessing even Mallard's editor doesn't read his stuff.)

That damned Pick-Up

What's Mallard raving about today?

Technical Support

Mallard, isn't there a War on Christmas you can bemoan?

Or a Kenyan, Muslim, Communist who got elected by a bunch of moochers, in defiance of what the "real America" wanted?

Anything but this, please!

That damned Jargon

What's Mallard raving about today?

Geeksquad

Like his political cartoons, this story has only one facet to it, and not a very interesting facet at that, but he's going to harp on it for day and days and days.

That damned Model

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Geek Squad, High School Girlfriends

My high school girlfriend shipped herself places and enabled online tracking?

That damned Answer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Computer Repair

Mallard Fillmore hates Capitalism.

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Warranties, The Economy

Mallard Fillmore bought the extended warranty, which means he is dumber than a bag of hammers. Which we already knew, of course, but it's useful to have it independently confirmed.

BTW, Mallard, it's your precious 1% job creators screwing you over on that warranty definition.

-D

Veteran's Day

Today is one of those days where I just leave things go, especially when Mallard makes the choice not to declare partisan ownership of a holiday, veterans, or patriotism.

That damned Relief

What's Mallard raving about today?

Texting

This is one of those occasions when Mallard Fillmore is bland and unoffensive. He still sucks at his job and spends every waking minute complaining about stuff. But, at least he's not showing his webbed foot deeper into his racist mouth.

That damned Racism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism

Oh, don't worry, Mallard. Republicans are hard at work across America to insure we all know that racism is still very much alive.

Whether it be a race riot at Ole Miss.

Or casual racism on Twitter.

Or GOP mouthpieces like Ann Coulter spouting coded racism (makers versus takers) or Rush Limbaugh (Democrats want Amnesty voters).

In all seriousness, however...keep it up. Nothing makes me more hopeful for the future of America than the fact that Right Wing ideologues can't help alienating large swaths of America and can't understand why they lose elections when they do.

That damned Alternative

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard resurrects yet another lie.

Those damned Noses

What's Mallard raving about today?

Election

Mallard's "pox on both your houses" would ring truer if, once in the last 4 years, he had demonstrated and shades of moderation. But, of course, Mallard is holding his nose because he lacks a candidate to the ideological right of the current Republican Party.

Those damned Revenues

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes

Like pretty much everything Mallard says, like pretty much everything every major Republican figure says, this is a demonstrable spin at best and lie at worst.

Federal revenue normally increases every year. In fact, revenues have declined in only five years since 1962. The 35 percent growth between 2003 and 2006 is significant – the last major growth in revenue was between 1997 and 2000, when the economy was booming and federal receipts rose 28.2 percent. But the recent three-year period also comes after three years of decreases, a drop Viard attributes to the 2001 tax cuts and the start of a recession that same year.

If you look at the graph below, you can clearly see that from 2001-2003 (after the first Bush Tax Cut), revenue declined. So, you know, Mallard is a lying sack of crap.

In any event...no matter who you vote for, remember to vote. But don't vote for people or a party who lie every time they open their mouth and try to suppress the vote.

That damned Embarassment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard, should President Obama win tomorrow, I think your only option is to pack up and go to a country that represents your ideal Randian/Theocratic society as a protest. Nothing else will be ideologically pure enough.

That damned Auto-Correct

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto-Correct

On today's Mallard Fillmore, Mallard demonstrates that, even if you remove the political hackery from his work, he still sucks at his job.

That damned Duty

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democracy, Voters

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I hate Democracy because people who don't agree with me get to vote.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

And there it is. It took almost 4 years, but finally Mallard admits what is bothering him all this time.

But, you know, other people are the racists.

That damned Demographic

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Voters

Once again, better that than Republican voters who willfully choose to believe complete falsehoods, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Those damned Things

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en, Political Ads

The first one is true, which is plenty scary. So if you're saying there's no reason to gild the lilly since actual Republican positions are frightening as hell to anyone not in the 1%, we can agree on that.

(Strangely, Mallard does not seem upset about Romney ads which tell an outright lie about Obamacare taking money from Medicare. I wonder why that could be?)

I will say, however, I very much appreciate that Mallard has decided to just ride the same Hollowe'en punch line ("thing I don't like is scaaaaaary!") for a solid week. Saves on thinking which in his case is a good thing.

That damned Note

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden, VP Debate

When your party's intellectual "giant" gets obliterated on substance, this is what you complain about.

That damned Smile

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Mallard Fillmore has given up all pretense that he's even trying.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Yeah, yeah, Mallard doesn't like Joe Biden...yawn.

In other news, Mallard remembered to do a strip for Hallowe'en, but not for 9-11.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Yeah, uh, Mallard...this doesn't make even a lick of sense.

That damned Election

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voter Fraud

Wow, so Republicans are now re-litigating the 1960 election?

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting

When you electoral strategy depends upon insuring that fewer people vote, you can be 100% certain that your ideas are completely morally and intellectually bankrupt.

That damned Lead

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Americans

So, let me see if I understand this correctly...your plan is nullification of Obama's victory because the wrong kind of people voted for him? I'm not sure you understand Democracy, Mallard.

But, to be clear, you're saying the election only counts if you get your votes from people like this guy?

Or this guy?

Or these folks?

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Apathetic voters tend to vote Democratic.

Whereas large numbers of Republican voters are extremely motivated by factually incorrect views, such as whether President Obama raised taxes, the President's citizenship, and his religion.

I'll take apathetic voters any day.

That damned Chance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney, Presidential Debates, Bob Schieffer

Just noting that no one of championship calibre would ever blame the referee.

Which explains why the entire Republican establishment has blamed the debate moderator for their performance in the last two debates.

That damned Edsel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Not sure why the Pentagon's decision to by Chevy Volts makes the car a failure on par with the Edsel, that logic escapes me.

That said, while the Chevy Volt has appeared as a "punchline" in Mallard Fillmore multiple times, it is going much too far to suggest that in any of those cases there was a joke...at least not as commonly understood by human beings.

That damned Phrase

What's Mallard raving about today?

The New Normal

Sweet Jesus, is there anything Mallard won't complain about?

Those damned Opportunists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Campaign Contributions

You're not some kind of Communist who doesn't believe that money is speech, are you Mallard?

Because you sound like just the kind of Commie bastard who doesn't support Citizen's United in all its glory.

That Damned Survey

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hollywood, Mitt Romney

Plenty of Celebrities like Mitt Romney!

Why there's Ted Nugent!

And Chuck Norris.



Craig T. Nelson loves Romney!



And who can forget Clint Eastwood?

That damned Unemployment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Unemployment

Mark down Wednesday, October 17, 2012.

This is the one day all year on which Mallard Fillmore told an actual joke.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Debate, Libya

President Obama should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Spokesperson

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

If I understand this correctly, the Obama Administration has been changing the story on what happened in the attack on our Embassy in Libya as new facts come to light.

Which, obviously, has the Right Wing in an uproar because...uh, because...yeah, I'm not quite sure.

Those damned debates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Debates

I'll bet Mallard is just kicking himself for this, after that first debate.

That damned Law

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt, Health Care

I see what you did there.

3 weeks ago, I am sure Mallard was feeling very, very pleased with himself, based on what he believes to be utter cleverness.

Interestingly, however, Mallard seems unfazed by the fact that long-standing Federal Law requiring all drivers to carry Auto Insurance tends to contradict whatever point he thinks he just made and is far more apt a comparison than an invented Law to require everyone to buy a specific model of car.

But, you know, very clever. Clap. Clap. Clap.

That damned Reason

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Finally! Mallard lays out the contours of his massive Chevy Volt gripe. I'm still not going to bother looking this up to understand in which way he's misrepresenting things.

But I will give him points for griping about the Pentagon buying cars from an American auto-maker. Apparently Mallard feels the US government should buy foreign cars instead?

Those damned Sales

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Apparently after 2 days, Mallard got the memo that the "apology" line of attack wasn't working out and so...we're back to the Chevy Volt.

Of course, Mallard's Chevy Volt whinging is no more grounded in reality than anything else he does.

In the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is outselling half of all cars marketed in the US.

That damned Apology (Part 2)

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

He should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Apology

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

He should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Guy

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Muslims

Mallard, you're a lying sack of crap, and a despicable waterfowl. You are so beneath contempt that I refuse to even address today's lie.

What's Mallard raving about today?

Americans, Personal responsibility.

But, of course, 47% of Americans, according to Mitt Romney, are not worth worrying about because he'll "never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

That damned Interview

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Allow me to point out that criticizing the Chevy Volt is more important to Mallard than remembering September 11th.

That damned Volt

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Point 1 - According to Mallard, the Chevy Volt is a

• Metaphor for meeting someone's ultimate obstacle and being defeated by it
• Reference to something that never happened in Happy Days, but still somehow represents when that series completely lost the plot
• Metaphorically similar to excrement

All of which just proves one thing: Mallard Fillmore has no understanding of how the English language works.

Point 2 - For anyone not fed a steady diet of Fox/Townhall, this has to be utterly mystifying. Does Mallard actually believe that, in the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is widely reviled?

Point 3 - By contrast, in the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is actually quite a critical success (including being named Motor Trend's 2011 Car of the Year) and outselling about half of all cars marketed in the U.S.

That damned Man

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toddlers and Tiaras

In other news, a cartoon duck appears strangely familiar with a TV show he decries other people watching.

That damned Volt

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt, Presidential Debates.

I'm not even going to touch whatever right wing dog whistle is going on here, as I am not current on the current non-troversy/fauxtrage over the Chevy Volt. And I am not going to spend time on Fox or Townhall to find out.

I will point out that Mallard was able to time this strip to coincide with the Presidential debates. A feat he was not able to replicate when it came to September 11th, which he completely forgot and/or ignored.

Why do you hate America, Mallard?

Those damned Sharks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sharks

This from the man who was recently clutching his pearls about the fact that the Obama campaign is simply too mean?

That damned Spring

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arab Spring, The Media

Now Mallard is just putting random right-wing bugaboos into sentences without any rhyme or reason.

I'm a little confused, however. Wasn't democracy in the Middle East a neo-con, President Bush, Republican thing?

I guess they assumed democracy would just spring forth fully-formed with no disruption at all?

I mean, after all, our own revolutionary path to democracy (terrorists, the British called us) only took from 1775-1782. So why can't the Middle East just do it in a few months with no bloodshed? How unreasonable.

That damned Hot Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hot Dogs, President Obama

OK, so, this was obviously supposed to be about the Republican concerns over how mean President Obama's campaign is being. Because, like all bullies, the Republicans can dish it out but they turn into complete pussies when someone fights back.

Besides, most of the fight back from Democrats consists of telling people what Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and the Republican Party have said they believe and said they would enact.

In the case of Romney, of course, this means you can say virtually anything since he has held every possible position at some point in the last 10 years. In the case of Paul Ryan, yes he has been actively espousing the most extreme Ayn Rand-inspired views imaginable...but don't you understand that talking about that fact is not popular, so shut up, shut up, shut up!

In any event, none of that helps explain this comic, in which an man appears to have wandered into a classroom and ordered a hot dog (despite the hastily added napkin holder, which does not magically transform the setting, despite Mallard's fond hope).

Those damned syllables

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

Wait, aren't Liberals the monstrous multi-syllabic elitists of American society?

That damned Prius

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toyota, Prius Owners

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Buying fuel-efficient cars and tolerance are both stupid.

Those damned Figures

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment

Yeah, we understand that you find people's suffering hilarious, Mallard. We get that.

Mitt Romney, similarly, does not care about "those people" (takers) who make up 47% of the country.

So I guess we agree, then: President Obama in 2012!

Those damned Rich People

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, The Rich, The Economy

Whereas Mitt Romney:

• Does not care about 47% of Americans based on their tax status.
• Paid an effective rate of 14.1% on $13.7 million, a lower rate than the average American.
• Disqualified himself for President by paying more taxes than he owed, in order to avoid paying an even lower effective rate than he promised.

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Clinton

Mitt Romney's campaign is predicated on lying, proudly so, demonstrably so.

But every word President Clinton utters can be ignored, forever, because he once told a lie about a personal matter.

That damned Speech

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Clinton

Unable to come up with a candidate of their own who could beat President Obama, Mallard and the GOP resort to talking about phantom rancor between President Clinton and President Obama.

Never mind the fact that President Clinton's speech was a full-throated endorsement of President Obama.

Never mind that President Clinton is out on the campaign trail for President Obama (unlike the two former Presidents Bush, who are notably absent from the campaign and were not mentioned at the RNC convention).

Kind of remind me of last election when Mallard clung to the Hillary-Obama squabble right up until Senator McCain got crushed in the election.

So, I guess what I am saying is...keep it up Mallard.

That damned Convergence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Elections, TV

Mallard's dementia is getting worse.

That damned Launch

What's Mallard raving about today?

iPhone Launch

Mallard only missed iPhone launch day by a single day (nice math skills), whereas he forgot 9/11 completely.

Make of that what you will.

That damned Dealer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Postal Worker, Cocaine

Yeah, uh, Mallard. Not sure you should really be making jokes about people who are incompetent at their jobs.

That damned Balance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney, Islam, The Media

Come again? Have I missed some sort of sustained assault on Mormonism by the Media as part of this election season? Or is this just another example of Mallard Fillmore making up reasons to play the victim?

Never mind, kind of answered my own question, there.

Those damned Polls

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Polls

Nice Timing.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Election

Ha! Ha! People's suffering is funny!

By the way, the answer to that question, Mallard...not as clear cut as you might hope, since most people are not judging whether they are better off the way you and your Fox-viewing cohort do (based exclusively on whether Fox tells you to support the party in the Oval Office).

According to a CNN/ORC International poll...37% of registered voters say compared to four years ago, their financial situation is now better, with 44% saying they're now financially worse off, and nearly one in five saying that their situation is the same.

And before Mallard has time to say this just proves his point...

As for who gets the blame for the current state of the economy, fingers are still being pointed at the former president. 

"Since President Barack Obama's first year in office, a majority of Americans have said that former President Bush's policies were more responsible for current economic problems than Obama's policies were. That figure is at 57% today, with 35% saying the current president and Democrats are mostly to blame for economic problems," adds [Holland]CNN Polling Director Keating Holland].

But, you know, that includes the 47% of Americans for whom, according to Mitt Romney the President's job "is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

Those damned Ads

What's Mallard raving about today?

FBI, Terrorists, Social networking

Yeah, uh, Mallard...pretty much always too soon for beheading jokes.

That damned Accent

What's Mallard raving about today?

Phone Support

I honestly cannot believe Mallard Fillmore gets paid.

Those damned Remakes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Remakes

"Mallard Fillmore continues to be one of the most highly contentious and celebrated comic strips, providing a unique conservative viewpoint to the comics pages. Mallard Fillmore has been a lightning rod for controversy with the right-leaning duck consistently addressing hot button issues and lampooning liberal politicians, the media and cultural establishments"

Except when he decides to imitate a bad stand-up comic. And does a poor job even at that.

That damned Headline

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers, Violence

Mallard has spent more time decrying the potential for "sneaker violence" (which never really materialized, I would remind you...since this is the first time I've even heard of this late August event) than he spent decrying multiple events of actual violence, such as the mass killings in Colorado or at the Sikh Temple in Wisconsin.

I wonder what it is about this particular story that so fascinates him?

Also, why does Mallard hate America so much that he criticizes it?

That damned Sneaker

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers

I guess that Mallard is trying to make some point about gun control or maybe about the New York soda size thing. The racist overtones are pretty staggering, however.

That damned Sense

What's Mallard raving about today?

Young People

Reporter: What do you think of criticism that your views on the Youth of today are hackneyed and, despite your apparent belief that assertion is the same as fact, only serve to reveal your own small-mindedness?

Mallard: I deserve that.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beloit College

What must it be like to go out of your way to be upset by things which have no chance of affecting you whatever?

Such as a list that helps professors make references and comparisons that have meaning to their students.

Extra Credit: Draw a straight line between Mallard's reflexive hatred of progress, as a perfect illustration of the Conservative mindset, and Todd Akin.

That damned Gaffe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Todd Akin, Joe Biden

Joe Biden (metaphorically): unregulated financial institutions are going to put people "back in chains."

Todd Akin (literally): women's bodies have magical protection against rape sperm (at least in the case of "legitimate rape") and when that fails should be forced to carry the rapist's baby to term.

Must be the Mainstream Media's fault that one of those comments outraged people more than the other.

That damned Abuse

What's Mallard raving about today?

People, Himself

Mallard Fillmore: Petty asshat with delusions of grandeur.

Seriously, is there even one other cartoonist out there who is equally self-aggrandizing inside of their own strip?

That damned Comparison

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Marriage

Wait, voting for someone and marrying someone are somehow comparable? Seriously, Mallard? I mean, I thought it would be hard for me to downgrade my opinion of your intellectual capacity, but...may have to re-think that.

Speaking of marriage...Chris Kluwe, punter for the Minnestoa Vikings, is my new hero.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals

Whereas in the Republican plan you give all the roots, berries, and Woolly Mammoths to the 1%, and claim that will mean more for everyone. Amazingly, when put into practice, this results in running out in 2 years instead of 5.

Those damned Rockers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Aging Rockers

Today, Mallard lists things more relevant than himself.

Nice timing on calling attention to aging rockers.

That damned Apathy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting

And what's the best solution for voter apathy? If you are a Republican, apparently the answer is restricting voting hours because...you know...stuff.

And, no, it does not have anything to do with reducing the opportunity for voters who might not vote Republican, how dare you suggest that. The fact that voting hours are being restricted only in areas with high concentrations of minorities is just happenstance.

Plus, way to give people a break, not a lecture, Mallard.

That damned Fall

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Celebrity

Mallard appears to be going off the reservation here and starkly stating that encouraging voting is likely to bring about the "fall" of America.

I thought he was supposed to be making the case that the 10 cases of Voter Impersonation since 2000 is what represents the dire threat to our entire civilization and not that allowing everyone to vote threatens just Republicans.

Also, nice timing on the celebrity-bashing, Mallard. How's Clint Eastwood working out for you?

That damned Time

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voters

Mallard Fillmore is a sanctimonious asshole who hates Democracy and Freedom.

I am pretty sure this is Mallard bleating impotently about why restricting voting hours is a good thing, which is why the GOP is doing it, and it is NOT about suppressing the vote of those least likely to vote for a Republican, how dare you suggest such a thing, despite the overwhelming evidence that this is, in fact, the case.

That damned Invention

What's Mallard raving about today?

Big Government, President Obama

The Big Lie continues...and yet the GOP still can't find anyone or anything which doesn't demolish this Lie and prove that President Obama was 100% correct...including a Vice Presidential candidate who built himself using Social Security (a program he wants to gut for everyone else) to pay for his out-of-state college tuition.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC, Paul Ryan

What's the matter, Mallard? Your boyfriend can't stand the heat from the mean old Media?

That damned Area

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

No seriously?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

That damned Man-Crush

What's Mallard raving about today?

Paul Ryan

For a guy whose spent a fair amount of time concern-trolling over President Obama and Hillary Clinton, this is a bit weird.

But, I guess Mallard can't hide it when he's in love.

That damned Convention

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Once again, Mallard Fillmore consists of the main character simply going "tsk tsk" and assuming the reader has an idea what is going on in his addled imagination.

That damned Coverage

What's Mallard raving about today?

When do the Fellating Fox hosts chime in?

That damned Group

What's Mallard raving about today?

Paul Ryan

Mallard's Man-crush on Paul Ryan leads him to believe Mitt can win without Seniors, Women, and Latinos.

That damned Wisdom

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kids, Teachers

Marvin does a better job of capturing the essence of childhood than Mallard Fillmore, and Marvin does nothing but make poop jokes.

That damned Conservation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sharks, Teabaggers

Mallard has a serious persecution complex going on...so much for the Party of Personal responsibility. "It's all someone else's fault for being mean to me!"

That damned Song

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hold Music

This highly contentious and celebrated comic strip is complaining about hold music.

That damned Zeitgeist

What's Mallard raving about today?

Zeitgeist, Hate

Great timing, Mallard.

That damned Bad Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

By "people" I assume Mallard is referring to himself and the guy who was too polite to walk away while he was ranting. Because everyone else stopped talking about this after less than a couple days.

That damned Quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Yep, that's pretty much all anyone is talking about today.

That damned Point

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

I know this will come as a shock to readers of this blog, but Mallard, it turns out, was completely wrong in predicting that outrage over the Right Wing Lie of the Day would last long enough for him to be relevant by the time it appeared in his strip.

That damned Guide

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV

Someone watches waaaaaaay too much TV.

That damned definition

What's Mallard raving about today?

Progressives

Since President Nixon, Conservatives have been braying a non-stop chorus of Media victimhood. So, kind of ironic this sudden concern trolling.

That damned Publicity

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox

To start, President Obama has to be aware of your existence, and due to your complete lack of relevance and talent...you are out of luck.

That damned Rate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Entitlements

Don't worry, Mallard.

Conservatives are hard at work insuring that the poor no longer have a right to vote.

That damned Start

What's Mallard raving about today?

Entitlements

Interesting. Entitlements before the advent of the Great Society were lower than during the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression. That is really meaningful stuff there, Mallard.

Apparently today is "Cherry Pick Statistics to Make a Pre-Determined Point Day."

In 1962 the Top Marginal tax rate was 91% and GDP growth was 8%. In 2009 the Top Marginal tax rate was 35% and GDP growth was -1%. So obviously...

That damned Evidence

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Dear Mallard,

Given that you wrote that letter to yourself, I would think you'd understand the question was not about the shelf-life of sentiment, but the fact that this line of attack has been proven to be an outright lie. Plus, many of the people starring in Romney's ads on the subject have received substantial Government help, thus proving the President's actual point.

Despite the historical evidence, I tend to underestimate the extent of your mendacity.

Best,

DaveyK

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard Fillmore is a Liar.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Money

Ladies and their stupid stuff, amirite?

In other news, Mallard Fillmore remains mystified by the fact that women can't stand the GOP.

Those damned Wars

What's Mallard raving about today?

War on Poverty, War on Drugs

Mallard, assertion based on Fox Talking Points is not the same as facts.

For example: In the decade following the 1964 introduction of the war on poverty, poverty rates in the U.S. dropped to their lowest level since comprehensive records began in 1958: from 17.3% in the year the Economic Opportunity Act was implemented to 11.1% in 1973. They have remained between 11 and 15.2% ever since.

But what I find most interesting is that an actual war which was factually expensive and an abysmal failure (based on the fact that the WMDs for which we entered it were never found) escapes comment.

Those damned Salaries

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education

Care to compare compensation and outcomes with the leaders of the for-profit education system?

That damned Expert

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education

Fair enough, so...what's your solution? And what's the basis for believing your solution will work?

Easy to point out things that are sub-optimal, but if you stop there, then all you are is a whiny little ass-hat.

(BTW, Mallard, care to have a conversation about spending per capita versus outcomes about our for-profit healthcare system?)

That damned Count

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education

Right on! Also, de-fund education and fire as many teachers as possible so millionaires can get a tax break!

That damned Drawing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Drawing

I feel much more comfortable now that Mallard has abandoned the half-truth he started with on Monday and is simply going with the complete lie.

To re-phrase this according to what President Obama actually said: We celebrate Jacob's success with that drawing. But he did not personally build the desk, school supplies, or Infrastructure.

Only an idiot would argue that point, which explains why Mallard Fillmore is arguing the point.

Those damned Roads

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

I'll give Mallard credit where it's due, for completing the quote, unlike the serial liar running for President as a Republican.

Beyond that, however, whatever point he believes his is making is utterly stupid.

Yes, Mallard, taxes paid for the work the Government did building roads. That's how Government works. Do you have some sort of alternative to that you'd like to suggest?

That damned Report

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sodas, Fatty Food

Anyone with a brain or conscience would have pulled this strip, given the fact that it is utterly tone deaf after the shootings in Colorado.

Which explains why Mallard let it run.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Still couldn't care less.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Something timely, no doubt.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

After several days without Mallard Fillmore, I start to regain my sense of optimism.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

New month, same old Mallard, I assume.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

No idea, but I am sure it's a lightning rod for controversy.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

I still don't care.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

I don't care.

That damned Tank Top

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tank Tops

After a day of over-compensating for forgetting July 4 via Patriotic chest-thumping, Mallard is back to dispensing fashion advice, in true lightning-rod fashion.

That damned Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Troops

You know what would be a good day to thank the troops? Independence Day.

You know, July 4?

The day you decided to bitch about trilogies instead.

That damned Story

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Top Stories.

Newspapers all across America just published a strip about Mallard Fillmore's porn-surfing habits.

That damned Editing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Editing, Smoking

Mallard may yet live up to his billing as "a lightning rod for controversy" given that he wants to return to the halcyon days of the 1950s and market smoking to children.

Those damned Hips

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pants, Hips

Just a week after decrying regulation of soda, Mallard turns to criticizing fat people, with no hint of irony or any sense of connection between the two.

At this point, Mallard spent 3 days on the Affordable Care Act and 2 (so far) on "Pants: why they annoy me so much" (but people deserve a break, not a lecture).

To recap: Mallard Fillmore continues to be one of the most highly contentious and celebrated comic strips, providing a unique conservative viewpoint to the comics pages. Mallard Fillmore has been a lightning rod for controversy with the right-leaning duck consistently addressing hot button issues and lampooning liberal politicians, the media and cultural establishments.

Those damned Pants

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pants

Mallard Fillmore forgot Independence Day. But he found time to comment on pants.

In all seriousness, I think we're watching, via their incoherent daily ramblings published in comic form,  someone who is sliding into insanity.

That damned Karl

What's Mallard raving about today?

Location

I honestly have no idea what this is even supposed to be about.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Affordable Care Act, President Obama, Supreme Court

Ummmm...and?

(Even for Mallard Fillmore, this is particularly incomprehensible.)

Those Damned Americans

What's Mallard raving about today?

Affordable Care Act, President Obama

Fact: Approximately 1% of Americans will pay the tax penalty for not purchasing insurance, by their own choice.

Mallard Fillmore: Lying sack of crap

That damned Tax

What's Mallard raving about today?

Affordable Care Act, President Obama

On the one hand...Thank God, we're moving off this Andrea Mitchell rant, because it was getting embarrassing.

On the other hand...this is going to go one for a while.

That damned Puppy

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Call me crazy, but I don't think you're helping Mitt by reminding us all of how he treated his dog, Mallard.

That damned Iced Cream

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Someone wake me up when Mallard stops repeating himself.

Those damned Emails

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Given the fact that absolutely no one had Email Mallard by the time this strip came out, Mallard is a projecting a little sensitivity about being a complete liar and/or about water carrying for a pack of liars.

Also, nice citation.

That damned Cup

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soda

Pssst, Mallard. The man who passed this ban is one of your beloved Job Creators. Are you sure you are allowed to criticize?

That damned Unicorn

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Number of times NBC News has been caught in an incident of misleadingly edited video : 1
Number of times NBC News has admitted to that misleadingly edited video: 1
Number of times Fox has been caught in an incident of poorly edited video: too numerous to count
Number of times Fox has admitted to that misleadingly edited video: 0

So what is your point, Mallard?

Those Damned Clothes

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

How dare anyone suggest that a man with a car elevator is out of touch with the serfs...uh, I mean common man.

That damned Niche

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News

Because Fox never does anything like that.

That damned Sentence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soft Drink Laws

As has been amply demonstrated on Late Night Television and Comedy Central News, Mayor Bloomberg's soda size event is a rich vein of potential jokes, no matter what you political persuasion or thoughts on the matter.

Mallard Fillmore, predictably, is unable to find that vein. And yet, he still gets paid.

That damned Image

What's Mallard raving about today?

EPA

Day Two of "Mallard completely misunderstands simple concepts."

Otherwise knows as Tuesday.

That damned Substance

What's Mallard raving about today?

EPA, Oil refiners

I don't have time to debunk what is no doubt utter nonsense.

In lieu of that, I'll tell you what, Mallard...how about these poor little oil refiners give up their tax breaks first. Then we can talk about doing away with pesky EPA fines for whatever bug Fox has planted up your cloaca.

That damned Photograph

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chinese Restaurants

But, how do you know they are not serving you dog meat?

Well, it's Sunday and Mallard has missed his last opportunity to mention the 4th of July.

He is now he is officially a traitor; no longer eligible to identify Patriots versus America-Haters, because he is a card-carrying American-Hater who does not remember Independence Day.

That damned Message

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

Spoken like someone watching the kind of TV he is decrying.

Hey, anyone know when the 4th of July was? Did it happen to occur on the 4th of July this year?

That damned Support

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes

Most Republicans with any kind of a public forum, I believe, know exactly how dishonest they are being when the spout nonsense like this. But since their goal is personal enrichment, their goal is to manipulate the severely gullible and lies are part of the effort.

Mallard Fillmore, by contrast, is in the severely gullible cohort.

That damned Statistic

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes

Gee, I wonder if that has to do with declining incomes driving people into brackets where they end up paying no income tax (although you do pay other taxes, such as Payroll and Social Security)?

Which is of course totally awesome because you don't have to pay taxes! The fact that you don't know where your next meal is coming for is a small price to pay!

Pssssst, Mallard, Republicans have been in control of the White House for almost 60% of that time, so blame them.

That damned Trilogy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Trilogies

Mallard Fillmore forgot the 4th of July.


Mallard Fillmore is an America-hating ass hat and is no longer able to claim to be a Patriot, because a Patriot would NEVER forget the 4th of July.


On topic, Mallard Fillmore believes the problem with literature he dislikes is that it comes in three parts. Not surprising that it never occurs to him it could have anything to do with the quality of the writing, since obviously he is not qualified to judge writing.

Those damned WASPs

What's Mallard raving about today?

WASPs

When oh, when, will the poor WASPs gain any political representation in this country!

Meanwhile, in the fact-based world...

That damned Border

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration

I like the way Mallard casually throws "learn English" in there. Like all legal immigrants are fluent in English and difficulty with English is only a mark of illegal immigration.

I was recently reading a book on the Great Depression and one of the things that struck me most about it is that the same immigrant-bashing was going on then, only it was the Italians and the Irish at the time.

All of which is to say: this isn't about immigration, Mallard. It's thinly (very thinly) veiled hatred of "the Other."

Those damned Names

What's Mallard raving about today?

Grandparents

Mallard Fillmore manages the almost unthinkable, coming up with a nontroversy that is more inane than what you can find on Fox or Right Wing Blogs.

That damned Accusation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Social Darwinism, Fish

Mallard, if you are going to object to accusations of something like Social Darwinism, it helps to know what it means.

Small Middle Class fish running away from voracious JP Morgan Predator fish is NOT the example of Social Darwinism your masters want you to espouse.

Those damned Noses

What's Mallard raving about today?

Comic Superheroes

Frankly, I'm surprised Mallard lasted this long before that whole Gay Green Lantern thing started bugging him again.

That damned Cup

What's Mallard raving about today?

Obese People, Cups


In this case, in which we are subjected to splayed duck crotch, "Viewer Discretion is Advised" is less a punchline than a label.

That damned Debate

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

This is fabulously disingenuous (e.g., a lie) considering that, when placed in it's actual context, what President Obama said was that while the economy was struggling, the private sector was doing better than the public sector as a result of Republican cut-backs in public spending.

Also, considering the flip-flopping Etch-a-Sketch the Republicans have chosen as their standard barrier, it's a wonder Mallard is not being struck by lightning for the egregiousness of his lies.

That damned School

What's Mallard raving about today?

Speech, Congress, Schools

Careful, Mallard...the 1% do not like to be challenged by their water carriers.

That damned Speech

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, 10th Graders

Making fun of 10th graders for the way they speak puts Mallard Fillmore at about a 4th grade level...and that's being generous.

(Oh, and, Mallard...according to the study your beloved Republicans speak about a half grade level worse than Democrats. Just saying.)

That Damned Model

What's Mallard raving about today?

Federal Agencies, Mammals, Dinosaurs

For God's sake, Mallard, do you even understand the English language?

Right Wingers like yourself describe Federal Agencies as dinosaurs because they wish to de-fund them, and then, once de-funded, claim Government Agencies just don't work.

They are not "modeled" after dinosaurs.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Lantern, Hollywood

And, somehow, this comes back to the victim complex of Mallard and the modern Republican Party.

But...Mel Gibson is as Republican as the day is long. Problem solved.

That damned Mission

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Lantern, Homosexuals

And, there we have it...Mallard has reached the point where he's saying that saving the world from a Super Villain is easier than portraying someone as gay without resorting to crude stereotypes.

But, you know, like with racism, it's everyone else who has a problem, not Mallard.

That damned Lycra

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Lantern

As is typical, the longer Mallard continues on this topic, the more blatantly offensive he gets.

At the start, you could charitably read what he was saying as chastising DC for thinking someone being Gay was even shocking.

But now, it's pretty clear he's just being a hateful bigot, though he still chose to say "fly around in the air" rather than going all the way and saying "mince around."

That damned Shock

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Lantern

Mallard, you think this topic is seriously worth 2 days?

That damned Reaction

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Lantern

Is Mallard Fillmore actually saying that announcements that someone is gay are no longer worthy of note since homosexuality is know of normal?

Because I'm pretty sure that'll get you branded as a heretic in the GOP.

That damned Slogan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney

June 17, 2012: Mallard Fillmore endorses Mitt Romney.

That damned Answer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fathers

Leave it to Mallard to make a political point out of Father's Day. Also, leave it to Mallard to cite a government child welfare site when criticizing the government.

But, beyond all that...what is your suggestion when the child does not have a Dad who loves and cares for him/her, Mallard?

According to Republican doctrine, exemplified by Representative Ryan's budget plan, your plan appears to be: fuck them and cut all funding to help them so billionaires can keep more of their money.

But, perhaps I am missing a nuance somewhere.

That damned Pat on the Head

What's Mallard raving about today?

Only Mallard knows

And, so, on June 16, 2012, Mallard Fillmore officially crossed the line from whatever he was previously into a comic equivalent of that schizophrenic drunk guy on the corner with sign so full of conspiracy theories that you can't possibly read it as you walks past him.

Congratulations.

That damned Rumor

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden

In 2008, the rift between Candidate Obama and Hillary Clinton was going to doom his Presidential bid, according to concern-troll Mallard.

In 2012, the rift is between Secretary of State Clinton and Vice President Biden.

Plus, Vice President Biden is a font of slurs and obscenities. There are after all, upwards of 2 specific examples Mallard can point to in the last 6 years.

In a nutshell, this is the level of rational thought of which Mallard Fillmore is capable.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

Polls

Really? You think this needed to be said?

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

Supreme Court, Americans

Over 80% of Republicans in Alabama and Mississippi believe President Obama is not a Christian. And over 60% don't believe in Evolution.

So what is your point?

That damned Name Change

What's Mallard raving about today?

Names

Day 2 of Mallard's "Making Fun of People's Names" series. If this lasts into Day 3, I may have to stop posting.

Those damned Names

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baby Names

45 words, just to make fun of someone's unusual name. Bravo. Haven't been exposed to something that witty since the 2nd grade. Your parents must be so proud.

That damned Little Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voter ID Laws

I mean, it's not like, historically, Voter ID Laws have ever been used to keep anyone from legitimately voting, right?

Plus, there's mountains of evidence showing massive voter fraud, right?

That damned Heart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Graduates, Jobs, Education

I am really bored, right about 3 days ago.

That damned Future

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Future, Young People

Ha! Ha! It's funny because today's youth are fucked.

That damned Job

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jobs, Education

Was it really necessary to add "Drive-Thru"? Wouldn't "McDonald's" suffice?

That damned Wake-Up Call

What's Mallard raving about today?

Students, American Idol, Supreme Court

After Citizens United, I support that idea. The Supreme Court could hardly become a worse, more partisan institution.

That damned Darwinism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Social Darwinism

At a time when only 40% of Republicans think we should help people who can't help themselves, it's simply accurate labeling to call their policies Social Darwinism.

Those damned Kids

What's Mallard raving about today?

High School Kids

With no hint of irony at all, Mallard Fillmore is decrying "these kids today."

Based on this evidence, Mallard has no right decrying inefficiency in Government as it appears he works for the least efficient business in human history, one which tolerates levels of under-performance which are unthinkable.