That damned July

What's Mallard raving about today?

2009, 2010, Unemployment.

Ha! Ha! Unemployment is hilarious.

And since it happened in July, it is all President Obama's fault.

That damned Year

What's Mallard raving about today?

2008, 2009, The Media.

Anyone who honestly believes that 2008 and 2009 were similar in any appreciable fashion automatically disqualifies themselves from being listened to.

That damned inheritance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush.

Pretty much true, except that I am not sure that those things which Obama did not inherit yet has accomplished can all be considered "good" (c.f., HCR, also known as "Insurance Industry Giveaway").

Good luck making the case that those things inherited from the Bush Administration are not all completely cocked-up.

Those damned Hearings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush, Impeachment.

Wow.

Prsident Bush violated the Constitution in authorizing illegal wiretaps on American Citizens. President Bush violated International Law by authorizing torture.

And none of this was enough to prompt impeachment.

I have to ask: Do you really want to go there?

That damned Playoff

What's Mallard raving about today?

College Football.

Aaaaand...now it is time for Mallard's annual BCS bitchfest.

That damned Mess

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Environment.

Aaaand, back the the same old same old after one day putting politics aside.

That said, obviously Climate Change is a hoax and there is no need to worry about the Environment, because someone left a mess behind, which obviously disqualifies them from being taken seriously.

Unlike the 2 gazillion teabaggers, who descended on DC and left almost no mess behind, almost as if they were a crowd of only 60-70,000 people.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, to one and all.

(And "Happy Holidays" to you Heathens among us.)

Those damned Notes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Jobs.

"But don't you dare use any Federal money to create Jobs!"

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

The Seattle PI Website changed their comics page and with it the URL format for Mallard Fillmore, so this is now the Big Blog of Broken Links.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Global Warming.

Charter Member of the Flat Earth Society, Mallard Fillmore, strikes again.

That damned Wheel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Wheels.

Richly ironic from someone who only has a job because someone else had the same job.

Also, with the exception of access to affordable health care, I defy Mallard to actually name one concrete example of something which fits this Straw Man agrument.

That damned Program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas, Environmentalism.

Mallard literally does not understand the difference between Science and Religion.

That explains a lot.

Mallard's Christmas Message

Mallard wishes us a blessed Christmas.

But I refuse to believe Mallard would be caught doing anything so Liberal as reading a book.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Marketing Wizards, Debt.

How many more weeks of "trivial crap that's bugging me today" are we going to have to endure?

Those damned Holiday Specials

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Holiday Specials? Holiday Specials?

Mallard is waging a war against Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. Alert Bill O'Reilly.

Those damned Exchanges

What's Mallard raving about today?

Males, Females.

Wow, what kind of hell must Mallard have put Mrs. Mallard through this year if he's gotta give her a Lexus?

That damned Album

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rockers, Folk Singers, Hip-Hoppers, Pop Tarts.

Determined to finish the year strong, Mallard offers another candidate for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Those damned Choices

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stunts & Hoaxes.

While not as rare as the Mallard Fillmore which is actually funny, today we see the slightly less rare Mallard Fillmore with nothing really objectionable about it.

That damned Bow

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gatecrashers, President Obama.

Our right wing water carrier combines two stale items into an incoherent whole and, surprisingly, does not come up with the Comedy Gold he expected.

There's absolutely no reason for him to be so stale on the bowing thing, of course, since the Right Wing Propagandists were going to freak out either way:

• "ZOMG, he bowed! Now we're subjects of the Japanese Empire!"
• "ZOMG! He didn't bow. What a Foreign Policy rube!"

Those damned Wheels

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Taxes.

After the week we've had, it's almost a relief to get back to the empty-headed propaganda!

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Schools.

Santa is giving out shivs?

That damned Ability

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

11 December 2009.

Mark that date down.

It is the first time you ever read a true statement in Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned Smart Phones

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

I'm speechless.

That damned Click

What's Mallard raving about today?

Advertising, Christmas.

I know it was too much to hope that the "click" in the first panel was Mallard turning the TV off for a change.

Stupid of me to get my hopes up.

Those damned Aliens

What's Mallard raving about today?

Razors, Aliens.

I imagine they will also wonder why you've done nothing but watch TV in your pajamas for the last 2 months.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Congress, President Obama.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

See, instead of only giving gifts to Big Business and the Very Wealthy, Santa brings gifts to everyone.

So, of course, Mallard hates him.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stuff, Environmentalists (presumably), Advertising.

It's late in the year, but this is a strong entry for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Seriously, can anyone parse this wall of text?

That damned Spending

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress.

Well, at least not when Republicans are in charge.

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, President Obama, Shopping.

And then those companies will create jobs, which out of work citizens would take, earning enough money to buy what they want without subsidies.

And that would be a tragedy, for Mallard.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

So Fox is no longer going to blame 100% of violent acts on Islamofacists?

Those damned Orders

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Terrorists, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly.

Mallard is able to win arguments handily when he defines the other side's argument in cartoonish terms which have no basis in reality.

Bravo.

That damned Snap

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, Americans, The Media

So, if I understand this correctly, Mallard's main complait is that after the Fort Hood shootings, America did not react with a wave of pants-wetting and invade a country which had nothing to do with the shootings?

Or is it that the perpetrator was arrested and is going to be tried for his crimes rather than being subjected to immediate vigilante justice?

Because, frankly, I fail to see how anyone with an ounce of humanity could be producing this.

Those damned Troubled Guys

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, The Media.

We get it Mallard. You want everything that causes you to wet your pants to be labeled "al Queda" because you feel that will justify the fact that you immediately knuckle under to terror.

The rest of us have a spine, so pardon us if we choose not to wet our pants on your cue.

That damned Nixon

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox, Rush Limbaugh, President Nixon.

President Nixon's operatives broke into Lewis Fielding's office in order to get psychiatric info on Daniel Ellsberg's mental state to discredit him. President Nixon illegally wiretapped Daniel Ellberg. President Nixon had reporters audited. President Nixon's henchmen plotted to murder Jack Anderson.

President Obama's staff said that they will treat Fox as an opposition media outlet.

Worst comparison ever.

That damned Nougat

What's Mallard raving about today?

Candy, Charity.

Mallard is openly mocking charity, for God's sake.

Mallard is determined to be less likable than Ebenezer Scrooge, this Christmas.

Those damned Holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holidays, School.

Mallard joins the War On Christmas. Holidays? Bill O'Reilly is going to be apoplectic.

As for the strip itself: "Don't ask for taxes to pay for schools and don't ask me to pay for schools personally. Schools suck...I can't imagine why."

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thanksgiving, television.

Thanksgiving is now a religious holiday? Seriously?

I mean, I know the Calvinists were there, but so were the Pagans.

That damned Respect

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christianity, Islam, The Media.

Poor Christians...someday maybe one of them will be elected President.

That damned Backlash

What's Mallard raving about today?

Journalism, Islam.

Meanwhile, at Fox Propaganda school: "Let's say a gunman has just shot a dozen people while yelling "Allahu Akbar." What question should you ask first? Exactly! How quickly can I gin up a Public backlash against Muslims."

Those damned Motives

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorism.

What shall we do in case an armed gunman with ties to radical Christian groups kills a doctor? Or sets off a bomb at the Olympics? Or blows up a Federal building?

In either case, I differ from Mallard in that I want the same thing: Primacy of the Rule of Law and no pants-wetting, fearmongering, and uninformed speculation.

Those damned Hungry Pilgrims

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pilgrims, Nobel Peace Prize

The Nobel Prize Committee are Hungry Pilgrims? And Americans are Turkeys?

Looks like Mallard feels the Most Mystifying Panel (aka The Golden Flash) category needed some beefing up this year.

That damned Disclaimer

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Well, at least now we know why Mallard thinks he is on this imaginary Enemies List.

After all, he's been repeating the contents of his cartoon over and over and over for at least 3 years now.

Those damned Apps

What's Mallard raving about today?

iPhone, President Obama.

If you're going to make an iPhone joke, may I suggest you do some research? "Click?"

I will listen to Mallard regarding the importance of Presidential Approval Ratings when President Obama's fall to the same level as President Bush's were when Mallard started commenting about President Bush's poll numbers.

What's that? Mallard never commented on President Bush's poll numbers? I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

Update: D'oh! Comic link is fixed. Sorry, was jet-lagged.

Those damned investigations

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Enemies Lists, Racism.

Now Mallard is claiming that liberals feel over-frequent usage constitutes racism? So, any thing which gets discussed frequently is racist. For example, "Who will win the Super Bowl?" is racist. As is "Who will be the next Top Chef?" and "How was your day?"

Also, of course, "Do you think Mallard Fillmore has lost his mind?"

Fox, of course, hasn't launched an investigation. Not only are they actually the only network talking frequently about a fictitious enemies list, but they also couldn't care less if anything is racist as they already give a platform to batshit insane people raving about eliminationist fantasies and conspiracy theories several hours a day.

That damned rejoinder

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moderate Republicans.

I don't want to get in the way of the Great Republican Purity Purge, but "Moderate Republican" is not a rejoinder, trite or otherwise.

Now, please carry on purging the non Glenn Beck supporters from your ranks.

That damned Collection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Enemies Lists.

For a member of a Party and a loyal viewer of a Propaganda Network which reflexively and angrily oppose everything President Obama does (he sleeps until 8am: "He's not working hard enough!"; he wakes before 8am: "Is Obama dangerously sleep deprived?") Mallard sure has a thin skin when challenged about his reflexive hatred.

Today does deserve special mention for the implication of "racism" and "socialism" without overtly using either term. Dog whistle politics at its most ham-handed...

Those damned Enemies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Voters.

Wow. Fox, Rush, & Mallard...Delusions of grandeur, Mallard?

Although, a pitch perfect water-carrying of their talking points, I admit. Note the fact that he ignores what exit polling said about voters approval of Obama in those two states. And no mention of NY-23?

Those damned Dinosaurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Dinosaurs.

Put this one in the category of Creepy Unintentional Self-Revelation because Mallard just admitted he believes that crimes which specifically target a victim because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation are natural instincts.

That damned Electorate

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Americans.

To increase the level to which our electorate is informed, or at least correctly informed, all we have to do is disqualify Fox viewers.

That damned Talk Radio

What's Mallard raving about today?

Talk Radio, Incivility.

Excuse me? Kids?

The Republican Party has a voter identification of between 18-22% among any demographic that could reasonably be referred to as "kids."

That damned Civility

What's Mallard raving about today?

Civility.

Oh, look. Mallard is cribbing from The Lockhorns now.

It's rather rich for the killers to bemoan the death of their victim.

That damned Asterisk

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, President Obama.

Travel day from hell for me, but at least now I don't have to go find the article which disproved this lie, since Kip W put the link in yesterday's comments.

So, yeah, here's how an 8% bump lie happens, with an actual useful link rather than an asterisk to "Since 'War' Began - AP"

Nice way to commemorate Veteran's Day, Mallard. I'm sure all those brave folks who fought in an actual war really appreciate your efforts.

That damned obsession

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

President Obama, on Fox: "I think what our advisers have simply said is that we are going to take the media as it comes, and if media is operating, basically as a talk radio format, then, that's one thing, and if it is operating as a news outlet, then that's another, but it's not something I'm losing a lot of sleep over."

Mallard, on Obama, on Fox: "Blaaaaaaaaaargh!" Repeat until becoming a candidate for Most Interminable Series.

But, the President is the one who is unhinged. Right.

That damned attack

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, Rahm Emmanuel, President Obama.

Of course not, they were too busy fluffing President Bush.

And, as someone who found themselves part of a group which was routinely attacked by Fox as a "terrorist sympathizer" by virtue of my political positions, I find today's Mallard Fillmore the most hypocritical horse crap imaginable.

That damned Racism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Liberals.

Weird. Because I heard from the world's foremost authority that Racism was dead.

Those damned quotes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rush Limbaugh, CNN.

I have to agree with Mallard on this one. Who needs to make up quotes for the leader of the Republican Party when, caught passing along a hoax about President Obama he defends himself saying: "But we know he (Obama) thinks it."

Limbaugh and Mallard in a nutshell: it's easy to attack someone when you also make up what they think out of whole cloth.

That damned Strategy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, President Obama.

Backfired, eh?

Wooo, indeed.

That damned legitimacy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, President Obama.

Right. Because that is what separates Fox from other news channels. Nothing to do with promoting Teabagger parties. Nor to do with pushing lies about things like death panels. Or actively rooting for the President to fail.

Nope, nothing to do with that.

Frankly, I fail to see what the kerfuffle is about. The White House says that it will treat Fox as if it were the Opposition Party and only go on Fox with that understanding. Fox Viewers, like Mallard, actively want Fox to reflexively gainsay everything the President does because this reinforces their pre-conceived world view. Seems like they both agree. So what's the problem?

That damned style

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard, I defy you to cite one proven example of Chicago-style politics involving President Obama.

I'll wait.

Those damned Meanies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

The White House Communications staff simply pointed out what everyone else already knows, which is that Fox is the most ideologically-biased network.

The White House Communications staff simply pointed out that they will treat Fox for what they are, which is an arm of the opposition party, and go on the network with that firmly in mind.

Fox then declared that this was a declaration of war against Fox.

Poopy-pants, indeed.

That damned quagmire

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

Much like the other wars started by Neocons, Fox seems to believe that declaring they are winning this "war" over and over is the surest path to victory, actual results be damned.

Now, I could go on about this topic, however I think the definitive smack-down has already been applied, so I will simply refer to it.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

That damned juice

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals.

I am assuming this is Mallard's answer to the question: "Why does {group I disagree with} hate America so much?"

And, even leaving aside the stupidity of the premise, this is a stupid take on a stupid premise.

All of which makes Mallard...well, you may draw your own conclusions.

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Keith Olbermann.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Honestly, quite apart from his Right Wing Water-Carrying and reflexive repetition of whatever Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh tell him to think, Mallard Fillmore is a less likable being than Crankshaft.

That damned Hallowe'en

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en, Washington.

For Mallard, Hallowe'en apparently means Crime, Spending, Corruption, and "etc."

Oh, and by the way, Mallard. It's "Woo" not "Boo."

That damned blessing

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Racism, Reverend Al Sharpton.

I had no idea this crisis had grown so acute...Mallard Fillmore truly has his finger on the pulse of...well, some sort of America that exists only in his own mind.

That damned Return

What's Mallard raving about today?

The same thing as yesterday.

What if wondering about returning things is racist?

We get it Mallard. You're not subtle. Please move on.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, President Obama, Racism.

"Man those Liberals are stupid. Not real Liberals, of course. The ones in my head, though. Scary stupid!"

That damned Prize

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama.

President Obama was responsible for removing dangerously unstable Neocons from power. No one in 2009 did anything better than that to make the world a more peaceful place.

Those damned Teabaggers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Politicians, The Media.

Quite a little seld-important fantasy world Mallard lives in.

That damned U.N.

What's Mallard raving about today?

The U.N.

For anyone with a hint of decency or shame, it would be pretty tough to cast stones about speeches made at the U.N. after Colin Powell's performance.

For Mallard...

That dmaned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, Pet Peeves.

Take one teaspoon of Faux Outrage, ginned up by Fox Propaganda. Add a tablespoon of Self-Righteous Pet Peeve. Inexplicably, garnish with people watching TV.

The result...whatever the hell this mess is.

That damned change

What's Mallard raving about today?

Change.

What? I mean, seriously. What?

Another 2009 Golden Flash nominee, I think.

Those damned Journalists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Journalists.

I recall a complete hissy fit when someone submitted a videowhich compared President Bush to Hitler to a MoveOn.org contest...an episode which Republicans continue to lie about.

Anti-war protests, as a general rule, got very little coverage, since the contradicted the prevailing media narrative about the Patriotic War, despite the fact that they actually drew large crowds (as opposed to lying about the size of the crowd).

Protesters were arrested for wearing anti-Bush T-Shirts.

Mallard Fillmore: Equivalency FAIL.

That damned Timing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Olympics, Generals, Polls, President Obama.

Most hilarious Mallard Fillmore ever.

Unintentionally, of course.

Since writing this, the President won the Nobel Peace Prize and his approval ratings have been increasing for a while now.

Can't wait for Mallard's Nobel Peace Prize as Affirmation Action screed to join this in the Republican Cognitive Dissonance Hall of Fame.

Those damned Oscars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Roman Polanski, Hollywood.

I offer no defense for Roman Polanski apologists.

But, as usual, Mallard takes the statements and actions of individuals and imputes them to an entire segment of people whom he either detests as a predetermined fact or chooses to detest as a result. Counter-examples within the segment are not welcome, thank you very much.

Either way it's intellectually lazy. I mean, if you're going to spend your life being a Hater, then at least show some pride in your work.

That damned Car Alarm

What's Mallard raving about today?

Car Alarms.

There's a Socialist Fascist in the White House, and you're complaining about car alarms?

Why do you hate America, Mallard?

That damned Shirt

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Apologies.

Actually, there is a limit. Once for pretty much each action the Bush Administration took. Though, I admit, in that case a T-Shirt may be more effective.

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Obesity, Drugs.

I won't pretend to speak for all Progressives, but let's compare and contrast my mind with Mallards.

Mallard: Drugs come from Mexico and Colombia, I blame Mexicans and Colombians.
Me: I blame the drug cartels which operate out of those countries.

Mallard: Progressives don't blame drug suppliers.
Me: That's an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Progressives blame fast food companies for Obesity.
Me: That's also an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Let's only attack problems from the supply side.
Me: Why don't we attack both the supply and demand side of the problem and solve it faster?
Mallard: You want me to hold two thoughts in my head at the same time? Blaaaargh!

Those damned Liberals

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Iran.

"The Community Organizer."

Also known as the democratically-elected President of the United States and Commander-in-Chief of the US Armed Forces.

But, hey, we can use Mallard's example to define how Conservatives think:
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Alcoholic Playboy!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Failed Businessman!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Actor!"

That damned Weenie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mallard's comprehension of Foreign Policy is at the approximate level as his word choice, that of a 1st grade child: "If we're not bombing or invading, then he must be a weenie."

The more I think about it, President Obama deserves his Nobel Peace Prize simply for supplanting these children.

That damned Sanity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moammar Khadafy, Keith Olbermann.

And so, the Right Wing attempts to paint MSNBC as somehow equivalent to the Fox Propaganda Outlet. Some people on MSNBC provide a much needed alternative viewpoint in today's News landscape.

But equivalent to Beck? Limbaugh? O'Reilly? Malkin? Coulter? Hannity?

Hardly.

That damned Laugh

What's Mallard raving about today?

SNL.

Look, I have no idea what the hell Mallard is bleating about. I think that may be Moammar Khadafy, but who can tell?

And I just got off a plane 2 hours ago...so, I will look to the comments to help me out.

Update: Thanks for nothing in the comments...so far. Although I guess we have a nominee for 2009 Golden Flash.

That damned Apocalypse

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV.

Sign of the Apocalypse #1 - Newspapers run crotch shots of a pants-less Mallard Fillmore.

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

I am assuming this morality play has to do with Joe Wilson.

In any event, it underscores just how little Mallard actually understands the discussion of racism.

Open Thread: Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

Since I am sure this announcement will elicit a lot of comment, I thought an open thread might be appropriate.

Personally, I am a bit stunned and surprised by the announcement and don't have any idea what President Obama accomplished to merit this award.

I remain hopeful that one day he will fulfill the promises he has made which could, in my mind, be a strong case for eligibility.

But in October of 2009, I fail to see justification.

That damned Discretion

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore...a study in empty-headed attempts to turn Republican Talking Points into humor, weeks after the Talking Point already failed.

If it weren't so completely cynical, it might be pitiable.

That damned Flake

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter

Despite Mallard's disapprobation, I am certain President Carter can live with his legacy.

That damned Clock

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter, Racism.

Mallard, you lie.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter, Racism.

Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard.

An interesting thing happens when you put "poll worst president ever" into Google.

You find that "all those polls" say nothing of the kind about President Carter.

You understand the word "fact" has a definition other than "shit I make up to support my pre-determined conclusion" right?

That damned Nut

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter.

"It's not all that difficult...just use your ex-President status."

Are you serious?

Just how many people do you think are able to use "ex-President" status in this world, Mallard?

By my count, there are four. Of course, I inhabit the real world, so perhaps in Mallard's world there are more.

Those damned Hicks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Fox.

1776 - "No taxation without representation!"

2009 - "Waaah! Waaah! I'm unhinged about the result of an election!"

Yeah, real similar.

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Weather.

I had no idea Mallard was empowered to declare that racism is dead. How convenient for him.

Still, attacking the weather as useless by proxy. That's just weatherism and I won't tolerate it.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

ACORN, News.

The lag is not kind to Mallard when it comes to this fake outrage.

That damned delay

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Joe Wilson, President Obama

Once again, Mallard, you lie.

It took President Carter raising the issue before anyone else had the guts to begin confronting the overt racism on display by the horde Republicans have whipped into a frenzy.

I await your explanation of why witch doctor posters, White House watermelon patches, "Barack the Magic Negro," and conspiracies theories which suggest the first Black President is not a "real citizen" have no racial component.

That damned Heckle

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Joe Wilson.

How convenient. I can borrow Joe Wilson's own words to describe what Mallard Fillmore is saying today.

Mallard, you lie.

Those damned Millions

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media.

Lie #1 - The Media Ignored the Teabaggers. To paraphrase what Rick Sanchez at CNN said: They covered it; they did not promote it.

Lie #2 - A couple million. Thoroughly debunked idiocy.

Truth - When an entire political Party becomes so divorced from reality that they cannot even count, there is absolutely no reason to take any of their policy positions seriously. Which is not to say that the threat they pose to the country should not be taken seriously. Because they are clearly insane.

That damned Trust

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Teabaggers.

Distrust in the Media is at an all-time high in part because they refuse to do their job and instead lend credence to sacks of crap willing to lie and say that 60,000-70,000 protesters were "a couple million" strong.

And we add to our "Murderer's Row" of Least Helpful Asterisk candidates this year, with one referencing claims which have already been thoroughly debunked.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jobs, Government.

Rather than dealing with the small portion which conforms to Mallard's pre-conceived ideology, let's look at what the article actually says:

The report, based on an analysis of federal jobs data, found that state and local governments steadily added jobs for eight months after the recession began in December 2007, with their employment peaking last August. State and local governments have since lost 55,000 jobs, but from the beginning of the recession through last month they gained a net of 110,000 jobs, the report found, in part because of the federal stimulus program.

A few observations:

1. 110,000 jobs in 19 months. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo.
2. 110,000 people still have jobs. Why? "...in part because of the federal stimulus program."
3. Mallard would be happier is 110,000 more people were out of work?

That damned Presidential Appointment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Czars.

Those who remained silent during the Bush Administration have no standing to criticize now, no matter how many tears Glen Back sheds.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I can't think for myself.

That damned Obesity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Obesity, NBC News.

Seriously? This is what is pissing you off? Seriously?

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Van Jones, President Obama, Hugo Chavez.

"I am going to name three things I hate. Please make up your own joke because I can't be bothered."

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Polls.

Man, remember how Mallard obsessed about Bush's approval rating as it slid to and stayed at historic lows over the course of his last term?

Yeah, me neither.

That damned Respect

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel.

Whatever drugs Mallard is taking make him delusional and really, really boring.

That damned Heart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hulk, Disney.

One more of these and this is going into the Most Interminable Series Golden Ellipse category...if not because of duration, then because there was nothing to add after the first installment.

That damned speculation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Government.

When you are a fear monger who belongs to a tribe whose basic mode of operation is to act as if everything they say is true, facts be damned, it's not hard to think yourself Nostradamus.

Of course, it would be impossible to find examples of things Mallard tossed out that turned out to be rubbish.

That damned Hate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Readers, Mallard Fillmore, Hate.

Mallard has published 195 different strips on President Obama, amply demonstrating, in public, his feelings, whether you want to call it hatred, unhinged pants-wetting fear, or something else.

People have sent him letters asking about his very public record on this particular matter.

Mallard's response: They hate everyone with whom they disagree.

Crazy much?

That damned makeover

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Kennedy, The Media.

We finally emerge from the Great Television Moaning Period and are now going to enjoy Mallard's, no-doubt, classy treatment of the death of Senator Kennedy.

Strap yourselves in.

That damned Fall Season

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Strangely enough, someday Historians will look back at the Teabaggers and the Summer of 2009 and wonder the same thing.

Fap! Fap! Fap!

Though you all might find this funny...plus I love Dean's Comic Booth.

That damned movie

What's Mallard raving about today?

Movies, Books.

Oh, please. I'm supposed to believe Mallard has read anything but Godless?

That damned Larry King

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel, Larry King.

Number of strips Mallard has done decrying the use of torture: 0.

Number of strips Mallard has done about the Marvel/Disney merger: 2 (so far).

Just saying.

That damned Hulk

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel.

For a guy who wants Free Market solutions to everything, Mallard bitches about what the Free Market does an awful lot.

That said, I confess I thought this topic, in the hands of someone who knew how to use language, would have been funny.

That damned Twitter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twitter.

Guess who just discovered Twitter?

Guess who doesn't understand how Twitter works?

Those damned shows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

People who sit like a lump in front of the TV, too lazy to change the channel, have no right to bitch about a lack of quality programming.

And, for God's sake, they are called "procedurals" not "autopsy shows" you dumbass.

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars.

Dude was obviously not a Bush crony, or he would have gotten his obligatory sinecure/czarship.

This, by the way, is how Mallard Fillmore chooses to mark the anniversary of September 11th. By whinging the insane rantings of the Fox Propaganda Network.

You stay classy, Patriot.

That damned responsibility

What's Mallard raving about today?

Personal responsibility.

From a perpetual victim, this is highly ironic.

That damned difference

What's Mallard raving about today?

Community Organizers, Talk Radio, Angry Mobs.

Mallard Fillmore: In Defense of Angry Mobs.

Those damned shows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Mallard bemoans the lack of creativity in television as he greedily absorbs all of the pablum it dishes out.

I'd say about self-awareness not being Mallard's strong suit, but that would imply he has a strong suit.

Those damned clunkers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Taxes.

I have no idea what Mallard's talking about. And, frankly, I am not interested in finding out today.

Have fun in the comments.

That damned Government

What's Mallard raving about today?

Government. Obesity, Prosperity.

How to tell Mallard Fillmore is nuts. "Lowering taxes on the wealthy helps the poor. I want people without insurance to die."

Straw men are fun...and easy to argue with.

That damned MSNBC

What's Mallard raving about today?

MSNBC, Climate Change, Astroturfers.

What? I mean...seriously. What?

That damned stupidity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, President Obama.

Dueling straw men, and a comment on his own writing.

Those damned pants

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Teabaggers.

Government wears pants?

The only way it could not be people who "pay the bills" is if the protesters were made up of non-U.S. Citizens who live outside the U.S. Which would be a cool protest, in an ironic sort of way.

And remember...this rule only applies when protesting things Mallard disagrees with. Otherwise, you're just a dirty hippie.

That damned quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Healthcare.

Quotes are great fun when you take them out of context:

As I indicated before, I think that we’re going to have to have some system where people can buy into a larger pool. Right now their pool typically is the employer, but there are other ways of doing it. I would like to — I would hope that we could set up a system that allows those who can go through their employer to access a federal system or a state pool of some sort. But I don’t think we’re going to be able to eliminate employer coverage immediately. There’s going to be potentially some transition process. I can envision a decade out or 15 years out or 20 years out where we’ve got a much more portable system. Employers still have the option of providing coverage, but many people may find that they get better coverage, or at least coverage that gives them more for health care dollars than they spend outside of their employer. And I think we’ve got to facilitate that and let individuals make that choice to transition out of employer coverage.

That said, I refuse to grant the premise that our profit-motivated, employer-based health insurance system provides value.

Those damned Friends

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Health Care, Teabaggers

Right, the insane mobs are the victims.

And...

* Michele Malkin

That damned Love

What's Mallard raving about today?

Love, Hate-spewing Mobs.

I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with anything at all. But Mallard is pretty sensitive about the Astroturf nature of the teabaggers and the health care mobs.

That damned Beast

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

If I were a cartoonist, I would never venture near a topic like this, unless I was sure I could do something better than Bill Watterson.

Mallard can't do it better than Bill Watterson, as he demonstrates today.

Those damned Pawns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media, Health Care

This delusional victimhood is truly remarkable.

Those damned Protesters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Protesters

And now you have Mobs of useful idiots armed with lies that a 6-year old would find incredible, organized by Insurance Corporations, Fox, and the Republican Party.

What's your point?

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presiden Obama, Enemies Lists, Health Care.

I will admit, to a change in President Obama since the campaign. The man who was generally unflappable during the campaign has been negotiating away key elements of Health Care reform, in the name of "bipartisanship," with a group of crazy people that won't vote for it no matter what was in it.

Republicans, meanwhile, have acted with shrieking, hysterical consistency. The violent, hateful, overheated rhetoric (and the grasp of reality) from today's Town Hall mobs is entirely reminiscent of the same mobs who attended Sarah Palin rallies.

That damned Arrogance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Health Care, President Obama.

Uh, actually, I think they are calling them "Socialists" and "Nazis," Mallard. Plus carrying guns to a political debate.

Still, who would ever want to be elite?

That damned Claim

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, President Obama.

A tacit admission by Mallard that the Town Hall mobs are not in fact what they claim to be, but are useful idiots ginned up by Fox and the Insurance Industry.

The astroturfers are scary only because they may succeed thwart their own self interest, and that of the rest of us, at the behest of their Corporate Overlords and with the cooperation of an inane Press. Well, and because they carry guns to a political debate...

That damned Enemies List

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Enemy Lists.

And not a moment too soon, look at the shifty eyes that guy on the couch is sporting.

Seriously...*Fox News? Gonna be hard to beat this as this year's Least Helpful Asterisk.

Unless of course the asterisk is meant to connote that Fox News maintains a list of enemies to the President so it knows who to invite on for commentary. In which case this would be the most honest Mallard Fillmore ever.

That damned Test

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education Standards

Teacher Responds: Yes, yes it was. Furthermore, I am giving you an "F" on your attempt to make a joke.

Seriously, I know there have been some questions raised about bias in standardized testing, but is this a debate that is actively raging and I just don't know about it? Or is this another faux outrage into which Mallard has worked himself?

Those damned packages

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Post Office, The Economy.

Worst Economy since the Great Depression...yeah, I know.

Health Insurance system is broken and we need to fix it...yeah, I know.

Two wars still going on...yeah, I know.

You know what really chaps my hide, though? The Post Office.

And Airline food.

Am I right, or what?

That damned hypocrisy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Liberals.

Because the problem with the Health Care debate right now is that reasonable Republicans are calmly attempting to raise fact-based objections and are being shouted down by irrational name-calling Liberals.

The only thing missing, of course, are the frequent Nazi references and the fact that one side is bringing loaded weapons to the debate.

In more than 2 years writing this blog, this is the most stunning lie Mallard has ever printed.

Those damned Signs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Taxes.

I have to give a "Thank You" to Mallard today.

See, I have never quite understood why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

As an economic stimulus measure, it injected cash directly and immediately into an ailing part of the economy, directly helped an industry which employs millions of people (thus staving off a worse economic crisis). And since we, as a country, now have a major stake in the Auto Industry, it benefits us long-term if the Auto Industry grows in value. Not to mention potential benefit to the environment (which I realize the care nothing about.)

But today, Mallard crystallizes, for everyone to see, why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

Because, while there may be massive and widespread benefit for the country, none of it helps Mallard personally. And if it doesn't help Mallard personally, then he's against it.

This is the definition of Patriotism...of a sort...I guess.

Anyway, thanks for clearing that up, Mallard.

Those damned Clunkers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Health Insurance Reform.

If it weren't for the insane dishonesty of the whole Deather argument, I would have found this first take on Deatherism funny. Or, if you substituted a caricature of a Republican for President Obama, I would have found this funny.

Sadly, very sadly, Mallard's 2 week lag is not enough to have made this controversy irrelevant by the time he got to it. Real Americans continue to battle the Glenn Beck Tin Foil Hat Republican Brigade for control of the conversation over Health Care.

Meanwhile President Obama and Democrats continue to hand away key parts of needed reform in an attempt to attract votes from people who are clearly insane and won't vote for it in the end anyway, simply because it's a Democratic proposal.

That damned bill

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Insurance Reform.

OK, see now I'm excited. We're past the "get ready for school" craziness and now we get to watch Mallard's head explode over Health Care.

Like today, where Mallard conflates the fact that he hasn't read the bill, being too busy watching television, with the Straw Man that no one has read it.

That damned Grammar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools.

I was hoping a new week would bring relief for this dead horse, but all hopes were dashed.

Definitely another entrant for Most Interminable Series in 2009.

That damned Nationalization

What's Mallard raving about today?

Nationalization.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Regurgitation of Limbaugh talking points...done. That leaves me 23-3/4 more hours in which to enjoy my Sunday!

That damned Impression

What's Mallard raving about today?

Metal Detectors, Schools.

Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.

Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.

Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.

Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.

In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.

Those damned Elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Elitism

Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.

However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.

I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.

I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.

Those damned Thoughts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Zero Tolerance

Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?

That damned Complaint

What's Mallard raving about today?

Not sure, because I am on a plane.

Have fun in the comments and we'll see you tomorrow.

That damned diorama

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

Mallard is one to criticize others for lack of imagination.

Those damned people

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.

Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?

Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.

Those damned differences

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, the Environment.

A dinosaur has a better grasp of Science than Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned coasts

What's Mallard raving about today?

New York, California, Taxes.

Riiiiight. This is all California and New York's fault. Those years of Republican Government during which the surplus evaporated and everything fell apart?

Never happened.

That damned regimentation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Mallard Fillmore: Repetition does not help in learning or education.

Explains quite a lot, really.

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.

Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.

That damned California

What's Mallard raving about today?

California, Illegal Immigrants.

Yep. California going broke is just hilarious. Who needs an education, anyway?

Chalk up another win for Republican Governance.

That damned reporting

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, the Media.

This is going to be a week of comedy gold. Wake me when it's over.

Those damned ratings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

After I started this blog President Bush's approval rating dropped by 20 points, from an already low 45% in August 2006.

And somehow this is the first time the topic of approval rating has ever come up.

Besides, whatever Obama's approval rating, it's still 30 points higher than the Republican Party.

Those damned celebrities

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, The Media.

Hey everyone! Take a look. Mallard's talking about Carrie Prejean's naked pictures.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

Seriously? This imaginary list is a product of Mallard's Fox-addled brain. It's his list and he wants to know who "maintains" it?

We've officially lept the shark into "creepy" territory.

That damned traitor

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

Wow, a double Straw Man. I'm pretty sure that's a Mallard first.

That damned Mozart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mozart, Michael Jackson.

This Straw Series has officially reached the completely unhinged state. Mallard's Michael Jackson fever is fueled not by an actual event but by the mere appearance of a prominent Black Man in the news.

On the plus side, I am pretty sure we're looking at a string contender for the 2009 Golden Ellipse for Most Interminable Series or Running Theme.

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson.

Oh, geez, I'm so sorry.

Larry agrees with Mallard, so I guess...well, frankly I don't know what that proves.

That damned expansion

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

Anyone else notice that Mallard is attempting to gild the lily more and more, adding phrases like "wisely added" and "perpetually expanding" to this standard construct?

Unfortunately for Mallard, it has the opposite effect from what he wants, making him seem more unreasonably strident and petty rather than making his point stronger.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

A Black entertainer dies, Mallard seizes the opportunity to decry charges of racism which are tossed around too loosely.

Meanwhile...Mallard tosses around charges of racism.

I believe Republicans greatest achievement is the ability to withstand their own cognitive dissonance.

That damned Health Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Government.

Maybe I've been at this too long. But I have no idea what the hell Mallard is talking about anymore. I mean, I know he's complaining about plans for a Public Insurance Option. But, what relevance does "buy one get one free" have for the Health Care debate?

Or is this just one of the most sophomoric metaphors ever?

Those damned brands

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

It's July. A back to school comic in July makes as much sense as the content of this comic.

That damned spending

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Spending.

Paid cash for their houses, did they?

Everyone racks up debt, Mallard. There is good debt and bad debt, of course. But I wouldn't expect someone who can't even comprehend this simple fact to understand that.

That damned Bob

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bob.

And yet, turning off the TV is apparently not an option.

That damned panel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, Global Warming, President Bush.

"I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I just wanted to prove that there was no depth to which I would not sink."

That damned memo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden.

And, far better than the 8 years of President Bush & Vice President Cheney, by far.

Those damned Advisors

What's Mallard raving about today?

Foreign Policy, Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortego, Fidel Castro.

Only in Mallard's fevered, Fox-fueled, imagination.

That damned GPS

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto Makers, Government.

Mallard is very vocally opposed to the US Government takeover of the Auto Makers.

He's a lot less vocal about our takeover of financial institutions.

Discuss.

That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama

I have no idea, unlike Mallard, who Jon and Kate are.

But I want to remind you that Mallard thinks Michael Jackson fans have no life.

Those damned Cows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cows, Climate Change.

Michael Jackson fans have no lives, but Mallard is the one titillated by the thought of cows belching.

Those damned lives

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson Fans

Michael Jackson, in his career, changed Music, Dance, and Marketing forever.

And yet a duck, who has done nothing for over a decade but repeat what Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck tell him during his 80+ hours per week sitting inertly and watching Fox, is criticizing his fans for mourning his passing.

That said, I look forward to finding out later this week how the fans of Michael Jackson are the real racists in American society.

That damned Culture

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pop Culture, Michael Jackson

A duck sitting inertly in his armchair, a brown box of generic snacks beside him, staring with glazed eyes at the TV is criticizing American society and pop culture.

With no hint of irony.

That damned Ideal

What's Mallard raving about today?

Colorblind Society.

Aside from one statement, taken largely out of context and hardly even controversial when considered in light of statements from past Supreme Court Nominees, Mallard has not presented one shred of evidence to suggest that Sonia Sotomayor is not qualified nor the best person available.

His entire argument against her is, quite literally: She's a Latina, therefore she must not be a qualified candidate.

It's really hard to understand why Republicans have a 5% favorable rating among Latinos.

That damned study

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kevin, America.

This just in from Mallard Fillmore: Education does not have the power to change race and gender.

Meanwhile, Republicans continue to demonstrate that their party has no interest in receiving another Latino vote, ever.

Those damned options

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Always interesting when fiercely anti-education Mallard Fillmore brings his proud-to-be-ignorant mind to bear on Education issues.

Today's episode is particularly fascinating insofar as:

• "c" is not really borne out by reality (but let's not let that get in the way of our talking points)
• "Spending More on Education" is not among the available options.

You also know your in for an intellectually lazy experience when "Mr. {Something I Don't Like}" makes an appearance.

That damned Silence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Boxer

In Mallard world, Senator Boxer requesting the correct form of address warrants two days of bleating.

In the real world, this was such a non-event that no one even heard about it.

The slide continues...

Those damned things

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Boxer, name-calling.

The Republican slide into complete irrelevance due to their insatiable focus on petty incidents and infantile name-calling continues apace.

That damned Miss Viable

What's Mallard raving about today?

Progressives, Torture, Abortion.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Progressives are in favor of terminating as many completely viable late-term fetuses as possible.

What surprises me most is how many people willingly swallow this line of obvious horse crap, designed to turn political opponents into sub-human monsters.

That damned Genuflection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox Network.

Of course Fox are not genuflecting. Former President Bush is not around.

That damned Test

Whats' Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong-Il, President Obama, Fox Network.

Having spent the past 8 years ingesting a steady diet of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, Mallard has, quite literally, forgotten that criticism of the President occurs.

Those Delusions of Grandeur

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Blogs, Twitter, Fox, Talk Radio.

Wow. Simply breathtaking.

Breathtaking in its stupidity in comparing citizen-driven journalism to talking points-driven propaganda outlets.

Or breathtaking in its delusion of grandeur in comparing Mallard Fillmore's importance to Fox and Rush Limbaugh.

Either way...breathtaking.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy Independence Day!

I say this knowing the risk that a specific small-minded waterfowl will create a straw man insinuating that my patriotism is not sincere, unlike his own.

That damned Pride

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Michele Obama.

Right Wing Talking Point since the campaign: The Obama's hate America.

How's that working out for you so far?

Those damned Journalists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Journalists.

Some 400 newspapers are running a "comic" today which would not be significantly altered if you just scrawled the words "Journalism sucks!" in crayon on the page.

But it's OK because a bitter waterfowl must hold fast to the belief that he is the spokesduck for the "average American" despite the fact that his views are currently shared by approximately 20% of the population.

That could all change quickly, however, if only the wishes of the folks at Fox would be granted.

That damned Involvement

What's Mallard raving about today?

Big Government, The Economy.

Mallard demonstrates once again his sophomoric command of issues and his lack of intellectual nuance.

In Mallard's world you start from a existing premise (Government is bad) and any isolated and specific instance which illustrates that point, proves the point.

But, does Mallard really think the Government can be uninvolved in the economy? Should we allow the Military (and all of its spending, including salaries for soldiers) to be subject to the free market? How about the Fire and Police Departments?

At any rate, it made me wonder how long before we see Mallard take on Health Care reform, using the schizoid Republican talking points: Public health care would be a bloated inefficient behemoth...and the private insurance companies just can't compete with that.

Those damned endoscopes

What's Mallard raving about today?

The VA, Endoscopes.

Given the number of times Mallard mentioned the scandal at the VA and Walter Reed during the Bush Administration, it's shocking (just shocking) to me that care at the VA is suddenly on his list of concerns, now that President Obama is in office.

That damned Comparison

What's Mallard raving about today?

John Brown.

I will accept the comparison between John Brown and the man who shot Dr. Tiller. Both were murderers who engaged in terror tactics. The justice or injustice of their cause makes no difference.

I would be reasonably sure that anti-slavery rhetoric did come in for blame, and perhaps some some of it deservedly so, although I am not a historian of the period or subject.

On the other hand, unlike John Brown, we know the terrorist who killed Dr. Tiller is that he was subject to a 24x7 stream of "mainstream" commentators on television, using eliminationist rhetoric to reduce their political adversaries to sub-human status. Historically, the use of such rhetoric has incited, and continues to incite,misguided fanatics who put rhetoric into action.

That damned Need

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mallard Fillmore, Washington DC, Democrats.

Yes, Washington needs you now more than ever, because, you know, it's so hard to find someone in Washington who is willing to mindlessly regurgitate Right Wing Talking Points and be generally dishonest.

Hopefully this marks the final self-gratification strip on this topic.

That damned T-Shirt

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, People.

I think this guy should become a recurring character. He can be the official stand-in for "Most People" in all of Mallard's straw arguments.

That damned Roll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Apologies.

It's fairly amazing to me that various Water Carriers for the Republican Party can go on and on and on and on in this manner about President Obama's speech in Cairo, and then they have the temerity to wonder why only the fringe 20% of Americans approve of the Republican Party.

It almost seems like a vast conspiratorial sociology experiment designed to find the limits of how many people will continue to follow an ideology, no matter what it represents.

That damned Ankle

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sonia Sotomayor, Bill O'Reilly.

Who would have thought that Mallard could bring together his full-throated hatred of Sonia Sotomayor, for reasons which have never actually been made clear unless you credit his charge that she is a racist, and his full-throated defense of Bill O'Reilly, inciter of domestic terrorists?

I do hope that Mallard and his friends who are controlling the GOP message continue on this way, however. For all the bleating about Sotomayor being a racist and the GOP the party of tolerance, Latinos seem to be coming to a different conclusion.

Those damned Fans

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Bill O'Reilly, The Media.

Talk about status-quo...Mallard Fillmore's relationship to fact remains tenuous at best.

I do want to give special notice the way in which Mallard Fillmore advocates de facto appeasement toward domestic terrorism based on the grounds that the victims are "fans" of an entirely legal procedure which he abhors.

Otherwise, you'd think he might feel obligated to point out that the Bush Administration DHS report on Right-Wing Extremism, which he decried so fervently, turned out to be prescient.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bill O'Reilly, The Media, Handguns.

Right. Let's worry about how this affects Bill O'Reilly and the handgun rather than the victim of terrorism and his family.

That damned Apology

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Apologies.

I wonder what it is like living in a world in which it is inconceivable to consider the possibility of ever having made a single mistake

That damned something

What's Mallard raving about today?

I have no idea.

Anyone have any idea what this is about?

That damned Foundation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sonia Sotomayor, Wisdom.

The last person from whom you'd want to take advice on either wisdom or what you should say is Mallard Fillmore.

For example, a wise waterfowl would realize that, by the time he started bleating about this incident, it would have long since played itself out.

That damned huh?

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Racism.

Democrats filibustered Miguel Estrada because he was too Conservative. This makes them Democrats, by my calculation, not racist.

Unless Mallard want to stipulate to the following: Republicans who did not vote for Barack Obama because he was too Liberal are racist.

That damned Filibuster

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Republicans, Racism.

Te recap:

Democrats did not like Miguel Estrada's judicial philosophy and decided to filibuster his nomination because they knew that there was chance he could get nominated to the Supreme Court, in part because he was Hispanic.

Republicans do not like Sonia Sotomayor, although the only reason we know of to date is because one quote in her history suggests that she believes here Latina history could give her wisdom which people without her background lack. This, according to Mallard, is racism.

Also, according to Mallard, these two cases are equivalent.

Enjoy yourselves in the comments.

Those damned opponents

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Joe Biden, Sonia Sotomayor

Nice timing.

That damned Justice

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Sonia Sotomayor

So, I am not going to go so far out on a limb to say Republicans won't succeed with this line of attack. After all this is the Party which has managed to actually cause people to debate whether torture is sometimes OK.

That said, I am not sure how exactly you are going win the argument that the first Black President and the first Latina nominee to the Supreme Court are both racist.

Not that I really want to dissuade the Republicans from pursuing this strategy if they are really hell bent on reaching the same levels of approval among Latinos as they currently have among Blacks.

That damned Wisdom

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sonia Sotomayor, President Obama

President Obama's chin has reached a disturbing new phase in its evolution in the second panel.

Those damned Graduates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Graduates, India.

The Party of No's Spokesduck says: American Education sucks! But don't you dare ask me to pay anything if you want to improve it.

That damned plug

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Constitution

I don't remember Bush/Cheney had insisted the Constitution was a living document, although their attempts to subvert it are pretty fresh in my memory.

Though their Administration explains why, if we take up Mallard's metaphor, the Constitution is currently plugged into life support.

Those damned Herbivores

What's Mallard raving about today?

Carnivores, Herbivores, President Obama

Of all the things that confuse me about Mallard Fillmore, one of the biggest is why he does not seem to deal with time the same way everyone else in the world does, choosing to start and stop his "15 Years of Mallard!" series on a Thursday, rather than at the end of the week.

That damned Center

What's Mallard raving about today?

Republicans.

Mallard Fillmore thinks the Republican Party's woes are because they are too centrist.

No, I'm serious. That's what he thinks.