That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

Blame.

If you are looking for a yardstick, Republican have spent 10 years (and counting) blaming President Clinton for everything which went wrong during President Bush's Administration.

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Chia-Obama

Ohhhh, apparently Chia-Obama is some sort of metaphor for buyers remorse regarding President Obama. Wow, that was well-hidden from the reader.

By the way, for those of you interested in such things, Chia-Obama has now gotten more mentions in the last 2 weeks than President Bush since I started this blog.

That damned Prediction

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

When they reach the same point as President Bush's did in 2007/8, please let me know.

Oh, I forgot, low approval numbers are only significant when there's a Democrat in Office. Silly me.

That damned Terrorist

What's Mallard raving about today?

German Toddlers, Swiss Grandmothers, Muslims.

Anyone who "looks Muslim" should just be locked up. Wearing a Sari? You look Muslim to Mallard, so tough shit.

That damned Syndrome

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hollywood, Taxes.

Wait, uh...wouldn't "Mr Williams" have to pay higher taxes also? Or has he found a way to get a tax passed that doesn't apply to celebrities?

Seriously, Mallard Fillmore has become even less thoughtful than ever before, and that's saying something!

Today's panel may as well just say: "Hollywood Liberals, Taxes, Booga Booga!" Adding the drawing is entirely optional as it adds nothing anyway.

That damned Information

What's Mallard raving about today?

2010, Elections.

In just a few short panels, Mallard further proves that Fox Viewers are the most misinformed people on the planet.

Merry Christmas!

Well, not to a lot of you readers who don't "believe" in the sense that Mallard means it.

Because Mallard's pulling no punches today: Merry Christmas to believers; the rest of you can fuck the hell off.

Oh, and Christians are persecuted in some places in the World, which means Mallard is totally justified in calling for the immediate strip search of anyone who looks Muslim.

Honestly, Mallard. Jesus hates you.

That damned Faith

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Salvation Army, Employment.

Mallard Fillmore has reached as point where I quite literally have no idea what the hell he's trying to say anymore.

I do know that every day he proves why he should be out of work as a comic artist. And today is a real stunner.

That damned Jacket

What's Mallard raving about today?

Employment.

That narrative where Mallard is unemployed? Apparently still going on. Who would have guessed?

And Mallard hates other people and prefers giving gifts to himself.

That last one should come as no surprise.

That damned History

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Chia-Heads.

Mallard's now objecting to President Obama because people are making commemorative merchandise for the first Black President in U.S. History.

I'd say "unbelievable" but, honestly it's just what you'd expect from a bilious, joyless waterfowl.

That damned Planter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, President Obama.

Hey, look at that. Mallard is still complaining about what's on TV, but not doing something else or even changing the channel.

That damned Wife

What's Mallard raving about today?

Wives.

Ewww. Just...Ewww.

That damned Sanctimony

What's Mallard raving about today?

Political Correctness, Christmas.

How about this one..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Note that "others" is not qualified based on skin color, political affiliation, or religion.

Given that you spend at least 365 days a year (including today) being an insufferable prick towards everyone, I do not accept your sanctimony. If the Bible ends up being true, when you stand in judgement, I think you will have a nasty surprise in store.

Those damned Chinese

What's Mallard raving about today?

China.

Definition of "complete asshole": engaging in mindless and repetitive airing of grievances, using Santa as your mouthpiece.

That damned Education

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus, Education.

I mean to do that, they'd have to spend money on Education, but Billionaires need tax cuts, so that ain't going to happen.

That damned hegemony

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus, Teachers.

Mallard Fillmore makes a living complaining bitterly about problems which exist only in his imagination. Kinda like Fox...

On another note, The Seattle comics site has rating stars for each day's Mallard Fillmore. Please take note and do whatever comes naturally.

That damned Post Office

What's Mallard raving about today?

The USPS

Imagine the kind of effort it takes to get yourself riled up about the Postal Service. Effort that could be used to, say, learn to draw or use the English language effectively instead.

That damned Mastodon

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Holidays.

Wow, so much awfulness, so little time...

1. "The Holidays"? Even with scare quotes, why do you hate Christmas?
2. For God's sake, Mallard, if you hate your Significant Other's cooking, is this really the forum for airing that particular grievance?
3. Just because you are incapable of cooking does not make it a typical malady. It just means you're a complete Lackwit.

Those damned Girls

What's Mallard raving about today?

Girls.

With just 3 weeks to go, Mallard lobs out a doozy of a contender for the 2010 "Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation."

Thanks. I'm going to drink bleach now, and forget.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Santa, The Economy.

Four days ago, Mallard ranted about how commercialization of "the Holidays" was destroying our connection to the Christian aspects of Christmas.

Then for the next three days, Mallard employed Santa Claus, a symbol of both commercialization and secularization of Christmas, as a foil for his petty rants.

I don't know how Mallard can stand being in his own head.

That damned Belief

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, China.

Plus, they eat dogs.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment, President Obama.

Ha, ha! People out of work is funny.

Those damned Holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas.

I mean, if it weren't for Mallard Fillmore, I wouldn't even know it was Christmas...

That damned Antidote

What's Mallard raving about today?

Charlie Brown.

Mallard Fillmore: All entertainment must proselytize or I will decry it. But I won't get up from my comfy chair to do it. Or change the channel.

That damned Belief

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus, President Obama.

People no longer believe President Obama exists? I had no idea.

That damned Time

What's Mallard raving about today?

TSA Procedures.

Mallard, it's pants-wetters like yourself who have brought us to this point. For 8 years, no amount of civil liberty sacrifice was enough and anyone who objected was immediately decried as wanting the Terrorists to win.

Gee, what could have changed since then?

That damned Respect

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus, Diversity.

Mallard is making less sense every single day.

That damned Update

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holidays, Family Updates.

Apparently bored spewing mindless bile at Democrats and Liberals, Mallard has decided that he needs a wider audience to encompass his hatred and has chosen People who Interact with Other People as his new target.

Those damned Letters

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Holidays, Letters from other people.

Um, Mallard...

No one is as bitter and hateful as you. You're not normal.

Those damned Canadians

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holidays, Health Care.

If only it were true. But since Mallard Fillmore is saying it, you know it's no true.

That damned Resource

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Renewable resources, Holiday specials.

Aaaaaaand we're back to moaning about TV, as if there were no options available to Mallard Fillmore to avoid it.

In truth, Mallard Fillmore appears to be acting out his own version of A Christmas Carol. One guess as to which role he's taken on personally.

Those damned Earmarks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Earmarks.

Earmarks is the outrage du jour.

Anyone want to bet how often Mallard rages about it during the two upcoming years during which Republicans control the House?

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Considering that Republicans blamed President Obama for TARP, a Bush Administration program, this is deeply ironic.

That damned Insult

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

Which is why Mallard makes sure he's plopped in front of the TV watching it the first time it is broadcast.

That damned Similarity

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

Of all the standardized Right Wing lies, I confess none frustrates me more than this one.

If this was ever true, it has not been true during my lifetime. Conservative viewpoints vastly outnumber Liberal viewpoints on TV. Republicans outnumber Democrats. The Liberals are usually either apologists or to the Right of Ronald Reagan. There is an entire network devoted to pushing Right Wing Propaganda packaged as "News."

And yet, Mallard still feels victimized.

If it were not so nefarious and detrimental to America, I would wonder at the chutzpah.

That damned View

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

One day apologizing to Veterans and back to bitching about Daytime TV for the 4th day out of 5.

Nice ratio, Patriot Mallard.

That damned Thanks

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving.

Mallard Fillmore was so wrapped up in his fake pity party that he forgot Veteran's Day, and so he begs our forgiveness many days later.

Not granted, ass hat.

That damned Connection

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

And yet, Mallard won't stop watching...

That damned Problem

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Our biggest problem is lazy lackwit waterfowl who watch daytime TV instead of looking for a job.

That damned Isolation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Himself.

Mallard's morality play has now veered from complaining about people victimizing him to complaining about daytime TV.

Anyone surprised?

Didn't think so.

That damned Dinner

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thanksgiving.

Maybe at your house, loser.

That damned Slur

What's Mallard raving about today?

Wolf Blitzer, Himself.

So, Wolf Blitzer equates Mallard calling him stupid with slurring the "Stupid Community"?

It's like Mallard doesn't even spend a second thinking about whether what he's writing makes any damn sense. Very much like that in fact.

Those damned Sides

What's Mallard raving about today?

NPR, Juan Williams.

Mallard Fillmore just stated that unthinking fear of people who look like Muslims is a valid "Side" in some sort of national debate.

But racism is dead. I know because Mallard said so.

Those damned Places

What's Mallard raving about today?

Himself, Patriots.

To re-cap: Mallard: Patriot. People in some places: Patriots. The rest of you: Not Patriots.

What that has to do with Lactose Intolerance is anyone's guess, but I suspect Mallard long since forgot how this little pity party started.

Those damned Facists

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Himself.

In Mallard's fantasy world, the Right Wing Elite care to hear what he has to say.

In the real world, Mallard is an empty-headed echo chamber on which the rely, but about which they could not care.

Also, fascists use big words?

That damned Perspective

What's Mallard raving about today?

Groupthink, The Media, Mallard Fillmore.

So the facts don't get lost in all of Mallard's nonsense, NPR fired Juan Williams because one of the faces of their network publicly stated that he has a blanket fear of people who, in his mind, look Muslim. They felt this statement damaged their credibility as a news organization.

The refuge where such a sentiment does not damage credibility (Fox) promptly hired Juan Williams.

Mallard's sellf-aggrandzing persecution complex aside, there's really not much to attack here. This is all manufactured outrage about the fact that the majority of people have reactions of outrage to overt statements of prejudice.

Mallard's beef isn't with NPR. It's with everyone who moved on from the fear-filled days immediately after 9-11 and decided not to capitulate to Terrorists with pants-wetting regularity.

That damned Minority

What's Mallard raving about today?

Juan Williams, NPR.

Wow. Liberals sure are racist. Just witness what Mallard makes Straw versions of them say. Who could need more proof than this?

That damned Taxpayer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Taxpayers.

Remember when we all thought Islamophia=Lactose Intolerance was a horrible metaphor?

Well today, Congress are cannibals because, um, because...well, see taxpayers pay taxes and Constitutionally Congress dictates how that is spent, so, um...it's totally like Congress are eating people...the American taxpayers to be precise.

It's in Revelations, people!

That damned Memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Juan Williams, Liberals.

Liberals wield such power! After all, noted nutjob Glenn Beck is out of a job! Proof! Proof, I tell you!

That damned Look

What's Mallard raving about today?

Himself.

On the other hand, the average American doesn't force me to look at his crotch.

That damned Admission

What's Mallard raving about today?

Juan Williams.

Hmmmm. I think I see where this is going.

A new Right Wing bête noire makes an appearance each day, while Mallard protests his lactose intolerance.

Finally, Rupert Murdoch offers Mallard $2m to join Fox because there is no depth to which Fox won't sink.

That's when the panels get a little sticky.

This could win in the category of Most Interminable Series as well if Mallard plays his cards right.

That damned Quakebuttock

What's Mallard raving about today?

Juan Williams.

I'm pretty sure we have our 2010 "Worst Metaphor" winner here. Seriously? Fear of people "dressed like Muslims" is the same as Mallard being afraid of Ice Cream because he's lactose intolerant?

I'm not even going to ask the question of why precisely he's afraid of Ice Cream in this little metaphor.

I am, however, going to point out that "Quakebottom" establishes that Mallard is less clever than your average 4 year old.

That damned Boss

What's Mallard raving about today?

Getting Fired.

Oh, God. Please don't tease me like this. It's inhumane!

Seriously, WTF is Mallard raving about today? The fact that people do what their boss tells them to do? Richly ironic for an idiot who repeats everything he hears on Fox, without regard to its factual basis.

That damned NPR

What's Mallard raving about today?

NPR, Muslims.

The idea that one would not immediately wet their pants in fear and demand that someone who "looks like a Muslim" be removed from a plane is a concept Mallard cannot fathom.

But racism is dead. I know because Mallard said so.

Those damned Grants

What's Mallard raving about today?

Grants.

Mallard Fillmore would like all human endeavor, all learning, all science and art to stop. Immediately.

Yup, sounds about right.

That damned Call

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Poor President Obama! He needs a makeover as a result of the fact that the majority of Republicans believe a series of demonstrable falsehoods propagated by Fox.

But he's to blame for the fact that Republicans believe in a bunch of lies.

That damned Fight

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bill O'Reilly, The View.

How much of a man-crush does one need to have to tune into the object of that crush on The View?

That damned Credibility

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Credibility.

Unlike the credibility you get by commenting endlessly on a President with an approval rating in the 40's when you never commented on the last President when his approval fell into the 20's, am I right?

Mallard Fillmore commenting on credibility is the funniest thing that has appeared in this strip's entire history.

That damned Congressman

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Election.

A bad night for Democrats who will hopefully learn the right lesson and stand for something, especially the Middle Class. Being Democrats, however, I won't be surprised if they veer right instead.

On the plus side, the Blue Dog Democrats had the worst night of anyone. Good riddance and maybe we can get some Progressives into those seats in 2012.

That damned drumroll

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Election.

While Mallard will likely, for once in his life, prove to be correct in that Democrats will lose big tomorrow, he abdicated any standing to comment on it with his silence in 2006 and 2008 when the shoe was on the other foot.

No matter who you vote for, make sure you vote.

That damned Change

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Teabaggers.

When the change in Congress (which occurs in January, not so  much overnight) involves the election of closed-minded, extremist, Islamophobes, then I have to ask...what the hell are you talking about?

• Attitudes towards Arabs: Democrats -- 57% favorable, 30% unfavorable; Republicans -- 28% favorable, 66% unfavorable.
• Attitudes towards Muslims: Democrats -- 54% favorable, 34% unfavorable; Republicans -- 12% favorable, 85% unfavorable.
• Do you feel you know enough about Arab Countries/people or Islam/Muslims or do you feel you need to know more?: Democrats -- 68% would "like to know more" about Islam, with 80% wanting "to know more" about the Arab World; Republicans -- 71% say they "know enough" and 58% "don't want to learn more".

That damned Average

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama and other assorted gripes.

Poll after poll shows that under no circumstances are teabaggers average. In reality they are overwhelmingly old, white, and Republican. Own that if you're proud of the movement.

Otherwise, lying about it just indicates how much you realize the movement's demographic is nothing like average.

By the way, nice timing bringing back the violent right-wing extremist stupidity.

That damned Exit Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Exit Polls.

Democratic gains in 2006 election...meaningless.

Democratic landslide in 2008 election...meaningless.

2010 election....truly important.

I really don't know how one lives with the cognitive dissonance necessary to be a Republican water carrier.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Elections, Polls.

Remember when Mallard did a version of this in 2006, when Republicans lost control of the House and Senate?

Oh, right.

That damed Popularity

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

President Obama's approval rating is about 47%. So I can expect to see more than 47% of people wearing President Obama masks?

By the way, at this point in his first term, President Reagan's approval rating was 36%. Ergo, Obama is 11 percentage points better that President Reagan.

Those damned Masks

What's Mallard raving about today?

China.

Mallard Fillmore opposes products made in China.

Mallard Fillmore supports the Republican Party, which supports policies that encourage American businesses to ship manufacturing to China.

Mallard Fillmore is a useful idiot.

That damned Memo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Hillary Clinton, Vice President Biden.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: The thought of an ambitious woman makes me crazy. Don't even get me started about African-American Presidents.

That damned Prize

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Nobel Prize.

This year Mallard is respectful of the Nobel Prize because it slaps the face of the Chinese, whose only specifically identifiable sin, according to Mallard, is that they eat dogs.

Last year, however, not so much respect.

Mallard Fillmore deserves the Nobel Prize for Hypocrisy.

Those damned Tyrannosaurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, Muslims.

Mallard makes the case that hating all Muslims is OK because the actions of Muslim extremists demands it.

Remind me again, what religion was Timothy McVeigh? Eric Rudolph? The IRA? The UVF? I want to make sure I properly hate every member of those religions.

That damned Viewership

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

This just in, Mallard does not understand how the world works.

This just in, Mallard thinks the demise of Network News is news.

That damned Old Media

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

It's funny because the media are hippies, while Mallard is, uh...in some way not part of the Old Media despite the fact that his distribution is largely newspaper based.

Additionally, Teabaggers are darlings of the young, hipster crowd and not 55-year old White Extreme Fundamentalists.

Those damned Résumés

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Senate.

This is one of those days where Mallard goes for a ratio more in favor of humor than partisan hackery.

And fails just as badly as always.

Proving that the one thing he's fundamentally incapable of is quality work.

Those damned Groups

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Muslims.

When you never leave your living room or turn off Fox News, you would tend not to run into the majority of Muslims and Democrats.

That makes you the idiot, though.

Those damned Groups

What's Mallard raving about today?

Socialists, Nationalizing, President Obama.

In essence: President Obama, Socialism, Nationalization, where's my check?

That damned Bad Thing

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Socialism.

Mallard attempts to criticize President Obama for being a Socialist.

For beings with more intelligence than a mollusk, he actually manages to proves that crazy Right Wingers ar truly crazy because the don't actually understand what Socialism is, and substitute mindlessly repetition of accusations they get from their Masters on Fox for actual thought.

Who am I kidding? Even a mollusk is smarter than Mallard.

That damned Olympics

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stoning, The Olympics.

Much of the World considers Capital Punishment, in any form, barbaric. To Mallard, the fact that Capital Punishment is legal in America proves how stupid everyone else in the World is.

Mallard considers stoning, as a method of Capital Punishment, barbaric. Mallard considers every individual member of a religion associated with a country in which stoning is legal a barbarian.

Discuss.

Those damned Modes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Voters.

Day 2 of insane fish metaphors...

Meanwhile, in reality, the Teabaggers are blindly doing the bidding of their Corporate Masters, making sure no one takes away all the free fish the wealthy are already getting, all while dressing it up in "Populist" clothing. It's perverse in its audacity.

I suppose Mallard may be sort of right in that Teabaggers will "learn to fish" at the behest of their Corporate Masters, though their Corporate Masters will keep all the fish.

That damned Celebration

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Differences.

Mallard hates anything or anyone who is different. They are not to be celebrated or tolerated. They are to be demeaned and destroyed.

I'd suggest this was a candidate for Creepiest Self Revelation, but we already knew Mallard was an intolerant lackwit.

Those damned Kids

What's Mallard raving about today?

Homeschooling.

To Mallard, this is proof that Public Schools are Evil. Anyone with an ounce of intelligence, however, understands that homeschooled kids are a self-selecting group, which probably accounts for differences far more than anything else.

I await instructions on how families which rely on two incomes are supposed to manage homeschooling, by the way.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Political Correctness.

What the hell has this got to do with Political Correctness.

Still, you have to admit this was equally funny in 2006 and 2008, when Mallard went as Incumbent Republicans.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Hallowe'en.

Yeah, remember how even-tempered republican criticism of then-candidate Obama was? No accusations of being a Socialist, Marxist, or Terrorist.

It wasn't until he entered office and took a huge turn to the Left, a turn which has thrilled and elated his Liberal base, that they suddenly realized he was a Socialist, Marxist, Facist, Kenyan, Terrorist.

I often wonder what it's like to be that self-deluded. I mean, is it peaceful?

That damned Desperation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Teabaggers.

I will stipulate to the fact that Democrats are growing desperate.

Mallard's desperate attempt to suggest equivalence between race-based Teabagger conspiracy theories and Democrats pointing out Teabagger race-based conspiracy theories, however, is laughable.

That damned Symbol

What's Mallard raving about today?

Breast cancer, symbols.

WTF? I mean, seriously...WTF?

I'm guessing Mallard's last statement is meant to suggest that he doesn't want his wearing a pink ribbon to be misconstrued as wearing an AIDS ribbon.

But I may be assuming Mallard's a bigger asshole than he really is. Not sure that's actually possible, but, honestly...anyone have a different explanation for the end to today's strip?

That damned Video

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims.

Day 3 of mindless Muslim hate-a-palooza.

That damned Search

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims.

Hey, guess what? It seems like Mallard hates Muslims.

Knock me over with a feather.

That damned Interview

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims

Stop watching Fox News and maybe your head will come out of your ass.

Those damned Protests

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims, Violence.

So, Mallard is telling you that he would support anyone who chose to burn the Bible to protest pedophile Catholic Priests, Evangelical Doctor Murderers, or Southern Baptist Terrorists.

On a serious note, however, Mallard's bully qualities are showing. He's the fat, stupid kid who punches another kid in the playground and then taunts the victim for reacting to the provocation.

That damned Panic

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

On 5 October, 2010, Mallard Fillmore called the 2012 election for Sarah Palin.

Mark it down.

Those damned Throwers

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Wow, way to torture the English language there, Mallard.

Again, however, you have no standing to discuss President Obama's popularity as it meant nothing to you when it was high, and you made no mention of President Bush's as it sank to levels Obama detractors can only fantasize about.

That damned Movement

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mammals, Dinosaurs, Teabaggers.

Hmmm. That mammal seems to have some extremely inflamed testicles.

And he appears to be masturbating.

Not much of a Teabagger, really.

That damned Substance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Previous Administration: Jacked up the deficit to unheard of levels, started an unnecessary war, handed out tax breaks to the filthy rich, bailed out Banks, ruined schools, drowned an American city, blatantly committed War Crimes including torture, Openly violated the Constitution.

Current Administration: Passed some of Healthcare reform, Passed some Financial reform, nominally ended the Iraq War, Rescued the U.S. Auto Industry, Passed Stimulus program, stopped torture.

Substance, indeed.

That damned Candidate

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

It doesn't happen often, but in this case, I happen to agree.

That said, I'll still take this President Obama over the destructive twit who preceded him.

That damned Memo

What's Mallard raving about today?

Asians, Racism.

Asians scored higher (on average) on the SAT than white student. Ergo, there is no racism in America.

Given this amazing bit of logic, anyone care to guess Mallard's score on the SAT?

That damned Liberal

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals.

Here's the difference, Mallard:

• Teabaggers and Republicans have, by their actions, earned those sobriquets.
• Democrats, by their actions, have absolutely no claim to being Liberal.

That damned Word

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals.

Just days after railing against labeling of Teabaggers with derogatory terms, Mallard earnestly wonders why Liberals won't label themselves with a term that Conservatives have studiously vilified for the past 20 years. A term which the Founding Fathers proudly wore as a badge of honor, I might add.

That damned Identification

What's Mallard raving about today?

Republicans, Democrats, Teabaggers.

GOP comments about O'Donnell and Paladino suggest Republicans are not so happy with the band of extremist astroturfers they were hoping to exploit. Unlike the Religious Right, which they abused for years and who remain pliant sheep, the Teabaggers don't seem to know their place.

But, if Mallard thinks being to the right of the GOP makes the Teabaggers popular, I would ask him to explain the polling for his Teabagger candidates in Delaware and New York.

That damned Quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thomas Jefferson.

According to the Texas Board of Education, this "Thomas Jefferson" of whom you speak does not exist. Precisely because Right Wing Zealots view him as a long-haired radical.

But while we're on the subject, let's look at another quote from Thomas Jefferson:

Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

The New York Times.

Mallard Fillmore is accusing the New York Times of making stuff up?

Seriously?

Pot, meet kettle.

That damned News

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

News.

Mallard calls out Fox Propaganda Network for their extreme bias.

Bravo, Mallard!

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore never said a word when President Bush's approval rating dove into the 20's and stayed there, so he has no standing to comment while President Obama's approval ratings are in the mid-40's.

Those damned Cards

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Democrats.

Mallard proves, once again, that quality and quantity are unrelated.

This, BTW, is seriously schizoid from a duck who was just recently complaining about accusations of racism against the Teabaggers.

That damned Backlash

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stonings, Lashings, Beheadings.

Mallard Fillmore attempts to make the case for equivalence between revulsion over stoning and lack of revulsion over automatically assuming all Muslims are terrorists.

Yup, sounds about right for someone of Mallard's towering intellect.

Those damned Groups

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Bowlers, Cyclists, Adoptive parents.

The reason we criticize Glenn Beck's brain-washed horde is because they are so brain dead and inflammatory as to insinuate that something like adopting Black babies should be anything but applauded for what it is.

These brain-washed hordes suffer from such deep-seated racism, it is invisible to them and they are incapable of seeing the clear racist overtones in making such a statement.

Those damned Men

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers.

Unlike the world Mallard inhabits, in the real world, the more you actually look at the Tea Party, the more frightening they get.

You might have thought that was not actually possible. But then folks like O'Donnell, Angle, and Paladino get selected by the Tea Party and they are more disturbingly extremist it gets.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jobs, Elections.

Mallard Fillmore and the Republican Party...

Change election day to a weekend? Cool!

Extend benefits to the unemployed? Boo!

Priorities, people!

That damned Presidency

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Hillary Clinton.

Having failed at the "rivalry with Hillary will cost Obama the 2008 election," Mallard comes to the conclusion that "rivalry with Hillary will cost Obama the 2012 election" is a winner.

That damned Tax

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, President Obama.

For the first time, Mallard's asterisk was helpful.

If you go to the Tax Policy Center, you will find an article discussing this statistic and explaining, for lackwits such as Mallard, that "rarely has a bit of data been so misunderstood, or so misused."

Mallard, follow your own asterisk, you might learn something...ah, who am I kidding?

That damned Candidate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats.

Democrats declare conservative principles because they are spineless.

Republicans declare their conservative principles and then trash the Constitution, spend link drunken sailors, and inject the Government into as many corners of your life as they can think of.

A pox on both their houses, to be sure.

But I'll take the Democratic pox any day.

That damned Rally

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Glenn Beck.

Credible moron Mallard Fillmore has only one explanation for why the Media won't simply repeat it when they are told very earnestly that 10.5 trillion people showed up at Glenn Becks rally, it's true I counted them myself!

Of course, this is proof the media are biased.

I would suggest they are biased against offensive idiots, however then I have no explanation for why they gave airtime to Pastor Moustache, or (really) any of the current Republican leaders.

That damned Validation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Glenn Beck, Howard Dean.

Mallard Fillmore just confirmed that Glenn Beck is crazy.

Not that it needed confirmation that the Father Coughlin of 2010 is crazy. I'm just surprised that Mallard Fillmore is the one doing it.

I admit it's also possible that Mallard is so mentally-challenged he can't follow the logic of his own insane rantings.

That damned Patootie

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

I got a couple more for you, Rush...

If the US has dropped to 23rd in Education and this fact bothers someone, how low must theirIQ be to also reflexively oppose any increase in spending for Education just because that spending is done by the gummint?

If the US being 23rd in Education is disturbing to someone, how large a hypocrite must that same person be to defend the status quo when US healthcare ranks 37th in the world?

September 11

As most of you know, I just let it go on days like today.

Meta-Post - Ads

Hey, as some of you may recall, I work in online/mobile advertising, so I like to try things out on this blog from time to time, just to learn stuff. I'm checking out the Project Wonderful service, to see what kind of things they are up to.

Hope the ads aren't too much of a bother.

That damned Tragedy

What's Mallard raving about today?

September 11, Universities.

Typical Mallard Fillmore nonsense.

The view that the Right Wing's pants-wetting capitulation to the terrorists has led to an age of anger and xenophobia that is not in keeping with American values does not mean that 9-11 itself was not a tragedy.

It just means that Mallard is an anger-filled cheese-eating surrender monkey.

That damned Letter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mid-term elections, President Obama.

Whereas everyone in the Party of Personal responsibility knows, what happens when you are in charge is someone else's fault, entirely.

That damned expression

What's Mallard raving about today?

Speaker Pelosi.

Odd accusation for a duck who has only 2 expressions: blank stare and smug asshole.

That damned Investigation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Speaker Pelosi, Ground Zero Mosque.

Perhaps she suspended it after Jon Stewart demonstrated that the same man funding the nontroversy (a part owner of Fox) is also a funder of the Muslim Community center.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Parent Company Trap
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

That damned coverage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Speaker Pelosi, The Media.

The Mainstream Media are flogging the Ground Zero Mosque story using the framing the Right Wing wants, despite the fact that there is nothing but dishonesty behind every word.

But that's not enough for Mallard Fillmore...

Those damned Fish

What's Mallard raving about today?

BP's Oil Disaster, Fish.

...Luckily for us, Mariner Energy's platform blew up just recently, so we might get another break!

For the record, this is one of those few times when reading Mallard Fillmore that I may not have found it exactly funny, but I didn't want to gouge my eyes out either.

That damned Season

What's Mallard raving about today?

NFL.

Yep, those athletes can get into some serious trouble...

Of course, most of them are probably not so stupid as to not realize that the NFL season is not "really underway." In fact, it has not even started yet.

For Christ's sake, Mallard. Are you preternaturally incapable of getting even the simplest facts right?

That damned Joke

What's Mallard raving about today?

Colonscopies.

Of course, the only possible joke in 4 years of reading Mallard Fillmore is not shared with the reader.

And, instead of admitting where he's kept his head for the past 4 years, Mallard chooses to talk about something else that is up his ass.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

BP Filled the Gulf of Mexico with oil, but it's President Obama taking a vacation which is going to raise oil prices.

Seriously, what nontroversy is this all about?

That damned Exhaustion

What's Mallard raving about today?

Robert Gibbs.

Today in Mallard Fillmore: Press spokesperson gives evasive answers.

Stop the fucking presses.

On the other hand, is anyone surprised to find that Mallard gets exhausted watching TV.

That damned Kid

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslim Community Center.

A Lie and a Straw Man. Kids can pray all they want in school.

The school cannot mandate that all kids pray to the same God, which is not at all the same thing.

Similarly, the government cannot deny one religion the right to build a place of worship.

But hey, who cares about the Constitution, right, Mallard?

That damned Flip-Flop

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Muslim Community Center.

Mallard enters the faux outrage brigade with a pretty tepid intro, wounded by his complete lack of understanding of even the simplest phrases (flip-flop) in the English language.

As for the matter itself, Republicans continue their assault on the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, and America itself.

Sharron Angle is right, there are domestic enemies within Congress: every Republican against the Muslim Community Center and every Republican wanting to take us back to Dred Scott are violating the Constitution they swore to uphold.

That damned New Media

What's Mallard raving about today?

New Media, Liberals.

WTF?

Those damned Monopolies

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Monopolies, teachers.

Mallard Fillmore favors monopolies. And yet, he does not understand the meaning of the word.

Yet more proof that Mallard Fillmore may be the most stupid waterfowl on the planet.

That damned model

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers.

Yes, yes, Mallard. We get it. You have a pointless rage going on.

Can we move on please?

That damned process

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers.

The worst cartoonist on the planet has little business criticizing anyone for professional failings.

Other than that, just go read yesterday's comments since Mallard couldn't be bothered to have a new thought on a new day.

That damned Degree

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers, degrees.

Wow, how devoid of intelligence do you have to be to make this kind of assertion?

You really think that a Math degree is necessary to teach Elementary, Middle, or High School kids, Mallard?

Teaching a lot of Calculus to third graders, are we? Geometric Invariant Theory is important in High School, is it?

Far more important that understanding, oh, say...how kids of a certain age learn? So you could actually teach them? I wonder what kind of degree could offer that kind of knowledge?

Just because teachers failed to instill in you an ability to grasp the simplest concepts is no reason to inflict yourself on the rest of us.

That damned Teacher

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers, Students.

A waterfowl who hasn't gotten a single fact correct since August 2006 (when I started paying attention) has no right to lecture anyone about History.

That damned Twitter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twitter.

Prior to this, I would have said it was not possible for the signal-to-noise ratio on Twitter to become worse.

Shows you how much I know.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

Polls.

As President Bush's approval ratings slid into the twenties, Mallard was silent, because (obviously) who cares what polls say?

As President Obama's approval ratings hit the mid-forties, Mallard just cannot believe we haven't started impeachment proceedings, because MY GOD, look at what the polls say!

The characteristic of Republicans that most impresses me is the thickness of their cranial bone mass, because so much cognitive dissonance every day would cause anyone else's head to explode.

That damned memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Speaker Pelosi, November.

At first I thought the guy holding the "Never Forget" sign had wandered into the wrong rally. But then I realized that Teabaggers probably do have difficulty remembering Election Day.

Once you realize that, the remainder of the signs start to make more sense as well. This is not a rally of outrage, but a rally to remind them when to go to the polls.

That damned hatred

What's Mallard raving about today?

Universities.

Right Wing Waterfowl: "But are they the Enemy?...I mean, sure, they hate America....But they also hate Women."

Can I get paid by King Features Syndicate now?

That damned Report

What's Mallard raving about today?

Parents, Education, Toasters.

Liar. Making up a report which just happens to support his talking point.

Marxist. Parents can't be trusted to make their own decisions, some sort of Nanny State is required.

Asshole. Parents deserve a break, not a lecture.

And not funny.

That damned Summer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Summer vacation.

Mallard, stop trying to be Calvin & Hobbes. It's embarrassing.

Those damned Classes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Charter Schools, Public Schools.

Rush, I don't know how to break it to you, but...

If your school district is so painfully lacking in even the most basic imaginative function that it chose the barely eponymous name "Charter School with the Tough Classes" you are doomed no matter which school you attend.

I'd blame Mallard Fillmore, if I were you. I doubt he pays taxes because he hates Public Education.

That damned Fault

What's Mallard raving about today?

Maxine Waters, Charlie Rangel.

Actual difference?

Democrats are not lining up to protect either Waters or Rangel.

Compare that to Republican reaction to ethics problems with Mark Craig (Mallard's take: it was the Democrats' fault). David Foley (never mentioned once), David Vitter, John Ensign, Duke Cunningham...

That damned Charter School

What's Mallard raving about today?

Public Education

Only a half-wit like Mallard would make the claim that all Charter schools do a better job than all Public Schools.

Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in Charter Schools. But, because I have actually sent a child to two of them, I know that some are better and some aren't.

But, see, I accept that nuance is possible whereas Mallard reduces everything to black and white.

That damned system

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, Obesity, Education.

Mallard Fillmore is a traitor who thinks Communist China is superior to the United States and would be foolish to emulate us.

That damned Popularity

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Soccer, President Obama.

This just in, Mallard Fillmore is dumber than dirt and has delusions of grandeur.

All of which is no more newsworthy than anything you may read in Mallard Fillmore today.

That damned Logo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Reflexively & unthinkingly opposing everything the President says and does != No accomplishments.

That damned Justice

What's Mallard raving about today?

Eric Holder, Racism, The Justice Department.

Bull. Racism is dead. I know because Mallard Fillmore said so.

Seriously though, Mallard Fillmore is walking around with the belief that Blacks in America are unfairly advantaged and the legal system favors them.

Stop laughing. I'm serious.

That damned Racism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, President Obama.

Teabagger Mallard is suddenly deeply troubled by racism...white racism.

Not that Teabaggers are out of the mainstream or anything, it's just that they are:

• More than twice as likely as the general public (25% vs 11%) to believe that “the policies of the Obama administration favor blacks over whites.”
• Half as likely as the general public (16% to 31%) to believe that “white people have a better chance of getting ahead in today’s society.”
• Almost twice as likely as the general public (52% to 28%) to believe that “too much has been made of the problems facing black people” in recent years.

Decades of American oligarchs systematically destroying the Middle Class. The Tea Party, a supposedly "grass roots" organization supports the oligarchs and, instead, blames Black People.

Useful Idiots doesn't even begin to do them justice.

That damned Department

What's Mallard raving about today?

DC Landmarks, Justice Department.

When President Bush turned the Justice Department into an enforcement wing of the Republic National Committee, nary a peep.

But now, now, the Justice Department is a Mickey Mouse outfit?

That damned custom

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration.

The immigrants coming to America, to work sub-minimum wage jobs, are predators.

The people employing them...helpless victims of these wily predators.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today

The same things, as always.

But I am on vacation, and have no intention of reading Mallard Fillmore.

Have fun in the comments!

That damned Tree

What's Mallard raving about today?

Trees, President Obama, The Media.

In the wake of the Shirley Sherrod fiasco, Mallard timing make him look like an idiot...more than usual.

That damned Program

What's Mallard raving about today?

BP's Oil Disaster, The Media, President Obama

Because all that really matters, no matter what the situation, is whether the Media are sufficiently pimping Mallard pre-conceived view of the world. As if that were even possible.

That damned Mexican

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arizona, Immigration, Mexicans.

Mallard's head is going to explode in a couple of weeks when he gets to today's ruling. I expect to see blood pouring from his ears this time 2 weeks from now.

Please keep up this line of attack. I think there are a few Latinos still considering voting Republican.

That damned Percentage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arizona

By tomorrow, it will be 75%.

But no matter how high Mallard decides to make this go, it doesn't change the fact that majority support does not actually mean something is right.

Those damned Americans

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arizona, Americans, President Obama.

Because if history teaches us anything, it's that something or someone supported by a majority of a population can't possibly be wrong.

Those damned Stories

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, The Media.

Stories is right.

Fox are liars.

Mallard repeats lies.

That damned Spear

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bears, Cavemen.

Mallard, please give me one concrete example where this actually happened.

Until then, I will assume you are, quite literally, afraid of ravenous bears.

That damned Attempt

What's Mallard raving about today?

Speech.

Mallard Fillmore: Totally against speech codes on campus prohibiting Hate Speech. Totally for speech codes at work prohibiting stuff that annoys him.

That damned Circle

What's Mallard raving about today?

Text Slang.

Yeah, you jerks. The speech police have spoken.

But, I want to make sure that SNAFU, ASAP, FYI and other acronyms that joined the language as words from letter writing or Email composition are totally OK. Right?

That damned Curling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer, Curling.

You mean, another sport growing in popularity?

Why do newspapers give a forum for a bitter waterfowl to piss and moan every day?

That damned Paste

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer, Paste.

The Right Wing in a nutshell: If I say something often enough, whether it is true or not, we can convince like-minded simpletons it's true.

As someone once said, it's like they take pride in being ignorant.

That damned Myth

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer.

28.2 Million Americans watched Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

24.3 Million Americans watched the World Cup Final. Of course, 8.8 Million of those watched on Univision, so they don't count.

Those damned Swords

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer.

I think there are many valid reasons why Americans don't connect with soccer as much as the rest of the world. That said, today's Mallard Fillmore has none of that. Instead, it just highlights two facts that are (as always) true:

• By any objective measure America's interest in soccer is growing rapidly. But Mallard Fillmore can't be bothered with facts when he can make sweeping comments based solely on his own prejudices.
• Mallard Fillmore is really disturbing. Swords? Seriously? You want gladiatorial fights to come back into vogue?

That damned Word

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Hatred.

Nice timing, as always.

That damned Rating

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Vampires.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Turning of the TV is too hard.

That damned Trend

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

Vampires, Congress.

Stoop?

Mallard, hate to tell you this, but you'd have to look up to see cheap adolescent trends.

Those damned Vampires

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vampires, TV.

After 3 years it should not surprise me. But I admit I am always astonished by panels like todays which serve to remind that Mallard Fillmore is literally a guy just writing down whatever gripe is bugging him that day, with the implicit assumption this it's bugging everyone else equally.

It doesn't matter how venal, how parochial, or how nonsensical the whinge.

That damned Outrage

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore has sex with goats.

I defy anyone to explain how the statement above is any different from today's Mallard Fillmore.

That damned Gaffe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vice President Biden, President Obama.

I'll take Joe Biden over having inherited President Bush's actual Vice President any day.

That damned Leader

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Toughness.

Having been saddled with two wars, Mallard Fillmore simply can't believe President Obama hasn't yet found time to invade a third, possible even a fourth country. Because that would have been awesome!

But don't you dare spend any money to help the unemployed!

Those damned Pseudo-Intellectuals

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pseudo-intellectuals, tolerance.

It's so sad that the NASCAR and Christian communities, neither of which have a history of intolerance towards others races and religions, are subjected to being looked askance at. How ever will they survive?

As for the lawn ornament community, what could any reasonable person possibly object to?

Those damned Dates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cats, Dates.

Yeah, we're over the edge into Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation now.

That damned Cat

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cats, Dogs.

Cats don't meet with Mallard's approval and are therefore to be reviled and mocked.

If that isn't a metaphor for Mallard Fillmore in general, I don't know what is.

That damned Law

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Dogs.

You know how I know liberals want laws forcing you to get an animal-shelter dog?

Because Democrats are liberals. And with Democrats in control of both the Legislative and Executive branches of Government, they've already passed this law!

See? What Straw Man?

That damned Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dogs, The Media.

As a lifelong owner and trainer of Border Collies, let me say that any of my dogs could be trained to do a better job at whatever the hell Mallard is supposed to do for a living.

That damned Workplace

What's Mallard raving about today?

Progressives, Pets, The Workplace

Because Progressives are well-known for their hatred of Labor.

Honestly, has mallard lost what was left of his mind?

That damned Experience

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Military.

Their "military" experience (mostly dodging military service) didn't help President Bush and Vice President Cheney, whose every military endeavor turned to shit.

Can I just add how detestable Right Wing sanctimony about their Military fetishism is?

That damned Flag

What's Mallard raving about today?

The American Flag.

Normally I give Mallard a pass on holidays out of respect for the holiday itself, however...

King George was the Effete Elitist of the American revolution?

Seriously, man...we were the Effete Elitists. And the Liberals. And we kicked their assess because we were the agents of change in a world dominated by Oligarchs.

You conservatives were the Tories and Royalists who supported King George.

That damned Demographic

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Technology, Bar Fights.

We're edging close to Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation territory...except that there's very little here we didn't already know.

Mallard Fillmore doesn't understand that he's nearly alone in the way he thinks, does he?

That damned Feature Film

What's Mallard raving about today?

Movies, Books, Video Games.

Which is fine, since Mallard doesn't read books (because they are elitist) or play video games (because he's a luddite).

That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

Technology, Television.

Mallard Fillmore...Luddite and proud of it.

That damned Future

What's Mallard raving about today?

Graduate School.

I know this will come as a huge shock, but Mallard Fillmore doesn't understand how Graduate School works.

That damned Ban

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard's concern over the oil drilling ban is because it's hurting workers.

Right.

Those damned Policies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, BP's Oil Disaster.

At first glance, you'd kind of assume Mallard is suggesting that President Obama's policies toward offshore drilling caused the BP's disaster in the Gulf.

But I think he's making a more general comment on President Obama's policies which are, despite adding jobs throughout 2010, in fact killing off all job growth in America.

Either way, reality need not be heeded.

And, nice to know the single worst environmental catastrophe in American history is there for Mallard to score cheap points. Stay classy.

Those damned Violins

What's Mallard raving about today?

Violins, TV.

In 2010, Mallard Fillmore discovered a correlation between the soundtrack and on-screen action.

For what it's worth, he also believes characters on TV should be aware of the soundtrack.

That damned issue

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats

Hmmm, maybe Republicans are a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of BP?

Or maybe Republicans hat America and are happy for the economy to fail in the hope that it benefits them at the ballot box?

That damned Beer

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Regulation, Beer.

Well, at least Mallard is being honest about what matters to him.

Those damned Subsidies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Farm Subsidies, Politics.

Farm subsidies? Really? Hot topic at Mallard Fillmore HQ are they? Or did Glenn Beck just vomit something about Farm subsidies up recently?

That damned Disappointment

What's Mallard raving about today?

BP's Oil Disaster, President Obama

Hey, Mallard finally gets around to the fact that BP is filling the Gulf of Mexico with Oil!

And you know whose to blame? If you'd been keeping up with your Fox/RNC talking points, you'd know that it's President Obama, of course! After all, he was elected for his ability to cap oil wells at the bottom of the ocean.

And besides, the Republicans believe the Free Market solves everything, except this catastrophe. This is all the Government's fault for not fixing it.

That damned Bike

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, Fathers.

Mallard Fillmore, mocking anyone able to find a glimmer of happiness in their lives.

That damned Card

What's Mallard raving about today?

Father's Day, Cards.

I think Mallard's attempting honest sentimentality.

Unfortunately, the only facial expression he knows how to draw (or, rather, the only emotion we've ever attached to the one facial expression he knows how to draw) is smug disdain and superiority. So, it looks like that guy is mocking his son.

At that level (being an asshole), it fits in with the rest of the Mallard Fillmore oeuvre.

That said...Father's Day was yesterday you fucking moron.

Those damned Interns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Interns.

Still no mention of BP destroying the Gulf of Mexico, but plenty of space available to regale us with complaints about the work ethic of Summer Interns.

From Mallard Fillmore, whose own exemplary work ethic resulted in this diatribe against nose hair.

By the way, Republicans are ashamed of America, you should be too. Please apologize to BP.

Those damned Incumbents

What's Mallard raving about today?

Incumbents, News.

To Mallard, and others who "think" in lockstep with Fox News...yet more proof of their own bias.

To anyone else, utterly mystifying.

That damned Mullet

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Political Correctness.

BP is filling the Gulf of Mexico with oil, which makes it especially important to follow-up a discussion of nose hairs with a screed about political correctness after Mallard realized there's both a haircut and a fish called "Mullet".

Those damned Hairs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dentists, Nose Hairs.

Mallard, gas does not cause hallucination. Stop doing LSD, you hippie.

I won't be surprised to see this one sitting atop the Golden Flash list come award time next year.

That damned Flap

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Imagine that, the "flap" actually died away of its own stupidity. And here's Mallard, still flogging it.

That damned Statement

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Taxes.

Mallard Fillmore, defender of the filthy Rich. Let them eat cake, eh Mallard?

Oh, by the way, what Hillary Clinton actually said was that the rich are not paying their fair share.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Jobs.

Weeks later, Mallard begins his faux outrage over politicians engaging in politics.

Which is OK, since we all remember the outrage he expressed over Bush-era incompetents like Michael Brown being given political appointments for political patronage.

So it's not like Mallard's a complete hypocrite or anything.

That damned Potato

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baked Potatoes, Education Standards.

So says the duck who only graduated to the position of professional cartoonist when newspapers lowered their quality standards because someone with actual talent was perceived as having a particular point of view.

Case in point, this is just a recycled gripe from 2006, except back then it was a turnip.

That damned Standard

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education Standards.

Richly ironic for a talentless duck, with serious math deficiency, who collects a paycheck for whatever he scribbles because of a perceived need for "balance."

Those damned Stars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Child Stars.

And yet Mallard has only moved enough to switch the side on which his snacks reside.

And change the color of his pajama top.

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV

At least that explains why Mallard is staring at the TV with such rapt attention.

That damned Hardball

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Remember when President Bush was more unpopular than any President in modern history and no one wanted him to come anywhere near their campaign, and Mallard had a field day with it?

Yeah, me neither.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration, President Obama.

Republicans spent eight years driving the country into a ditch. They then spent the next two years lashing out with overt and covert racism toward immigrants, blacks, and Muslims.

And it's President Obama who is ruining the country.

It must be nice to lecture people about personal responsibility when you take none yourself.

That damned Family

What's Mallard raving about today?

The British Royal family.

Newspapers paid money for this. King Features paid money for this.

Seriously.

That damned Past

What's Mallard raving about today?

D-Day, Nazis, Adolph Hitler, Teenagers

Ever think the reason teens don't know who Hitler is can be traced to the fact that right-wing idiots tell them President Obama is Hitler?

If you were really interested in not repeating the past, you'd speak up against people who trivialize the true horror of what the Nazis did by invoking them for all manner of minor ideological differences.

That is a far greater danger than a bunch of 17 year-olds who've been let down by the Education System, you want to de-fund.

That damned Europe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Europe

Admittedly this may fall under the rubric of Mallard hates Europe and assumes everyone else does. But I suspect this has to do with Europe's mounting economic woes.

Mallard apparently does not believe in the saying: "People in glass houses should not throw stones."

That damned Win

What's Mallard raving about today?

Job Applicants.

As someone who regularly interviews and hires people, I can tell you that the way people dress to interviews is a reliable economic indicator. When times are bad and competition is fierce, people dress up for interviews. When times are good and qualified applicants are scarce, people show up dressed however they like.

They do this because they are rational human beings and most sane hiring managers assess the applicant more than their dress, absent corporate culture like IBM where failure to dress appropriately is an accurate marker for someone who won't fit the culture.

Mallard, by contrast, is an idiot who knows nothing about doing actual work for a living.

That damned Trail

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Supreme Court, Job Applicants.

If Mallard had ever done anything to warrant granting him the benefit of the doubt, I'd say that was a general complaint about the Senate confirmation process, which is a farce no matter who is nominated.

As it is, I am sure this is some sort of criticism of Elena Kagan who Mallard thinks lacks qualifications. Probably because she was nominated by a Secret Muslim Socialist Nazi who isn't even an American citizen.

Those damned Interns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Interns, Bosses.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I hate pretty much everyone. But in Spring, my thoughts turn to 14 year old girls and teenage boys.

That damned admission

What's Mallard raving about today?

Miss USA.

As I have no idea what the hell Mallard is moaning about today, I will satisfy myself with saying this:

Embarrassing, humiliating admission? Learn to use English, you Moran.

Memorial Day

Once again, Happy Memorial Day.